My mother's like that, always talking about sinners and explaining everything with religion. We used to be close, but after dad left she lost her mind in religion...I hate it with all my heart!
Hello, Evan. Can you remember when it all started, and what life was like before, when you were yourself and happy? What were the things that made you happy?
The issue with unhealed trauma is that it will keep pulling you down when you least expect it. The emotions that you did not fully process in the past are now locked in your body, which may cause certain problems with physical and mental state.
If therapy is a no-go ATM, I highly recommend that you utilize free or low-cost resources such as self-help books, online articles and podcasts that provide guidance on trauma recovery and self-healing.
One thing I’m sure most therapists would advise you is to engage in creative activities like painting, writing, or music that allow you to express yourself and release pent-up emotions.
I can share a couple exercises for working with traumas, if you wish?
@mindseeker Absolutely second this!
Suppressing emotions for a long time can take a toll on mental health. Try journaling (not on your computer!): writing down all that you’re feeling, writing forgiveness letters for your unsupportive relatives, writing about what caused your trauma, writing anything you want… It will evoke the feelings of misery and sorrow, you might have a desire to cry. Allow yourself to feel it all, cry if you need to, give yourself time to squeeze it all out.
Also, in terms of dealing with your religious relatives, communicate your needs clearly. It’s wonderful that faith helps them, but you’re absolutely not obliged to share in their beliefs. You have the right to express your feelings without pressure to conform to their beliefs. It may be helpful to have a calm and honest conversation with them about how their responses make you feel and what kind of support you actually need.
I tried sharing with my mom she did listen later she says only u r d one who has traumas and brings the topic in every discussion and I even told her that religion doesn't work for everyone she says u don't submit urself and thats the whole problem so u see there is no point in explaining ur loved ones cause instead of protecting u dey r d ones who make it worse .I find comfort in strangers than in my loved ones coz ur loved ones just listen but never try to understand u d way u want them to.
I have done dis it just numbs the problem for a while again everything flares up...thanks for helping...
Yes u can share the exercises...thanks for the help
Its from my childhood I only lived in survival mode I actually don't remember when I was happy...as the elder I was just taking responsibility I just forget as a person I exist too...but when my family hurts me by saying dat I haven't reached as per their standards I do feel bad n I feel I should have lived my life too....
Thanks for sharing n understanding how I feel...
I'm really sorry to hear that you've experienced years of trauma and that your feelings are often dismissed and invalidated in your own family. It can be really lonely and isolating when you don't have the support you need.
Hiding your emotions might be the defensive mechanism that you learned to protect yourself from the effects of trauma. The way you've been raised and told not to express your emotions freely might have also contributed to it.
Unfortunately, when we suppress our emotions, it can lead to a lot of internal discomfort and conflict which could further contribute to the feeling of loneliness. It can take time to learn to get in touch with your emotions and show them freely again, but it's possible.
In order to do so, it's important to reach out for help when you're going through something like this. By posting here, you've already made the first step, which is great. If therapy and meds aren't currently available to you, you can search for other free resources where you can get the support you need. For example, by calling a helpline in your country, you can talk through your feelings with someone who can listen without judgment and may link you to additional resources. You can find a list of helplines here: https://findahelpline.com/
It's also worth looking for free local support groups, where you can express your emotions and talk about your experiences in a safe place. Additionally, you can listen to people who've been through something similar, which might make you feel less alone on this.
Another good way to start expressing your feelings is through art. It can be drawing or painting about your feelings, making or playing music, doing collages, writing poems or prose, crafting something, etc. You don't have to be great at any of this - it's more about externalizing your emotions through the process than the final result. Besides art, in order to let it all out, it's beneficial to take some time each day (for example, 30 minutes a day) to journal about everything that is on your mind. Activities such as dancing or moving your body to music that fits your mood, exercising, singing, going for a reflective jog are also good ways to get in touch with your emotions on a physical level and release accumulated tension.
It can also be helpful to make a list of things that lift up your mood or that you used to enjoy. It might be simple things like walking in a park, playing a game, watching a movie, listening to music, etc. Make sure you take time each day to do at least one of these activities and see how it affects your mood.
Until you are able to get therapy, there are plenty of free resources that you can use for helping yourself go through this tough period. Besides talking to someone, you can watch self-help videos on the app to help yourself deal with your emotions in the moment. It's worth taking a look at the courses as well - there are many exercises that can help in dealing with a specific problem. If you like to read, I also recommend reading books related to your issue to understand the nature of it better and ways to cope with it. For example, here's a list of books on the topic of overcoming trauma: https://www.forwardcounseling.com/blog/2022/2/21/the-5-best-books-trauma-therapists-recommend
Suppressing your emotions is not healthy as it would only keep burdening you physically and emotionally and challenging you to live a good quality life. Unresolved trauma is like an invisible illness. It would remain with you and continue to grow until it surfaces up in unexpected ways. It also leads to negative thoughts, anger within, low self-esteem, anxiety attacks, isolation. Those with unhealed trauma will adopt people pleasing tendencies as you want peace. you would start feeling your trauma and feelings would bothers others so you don't prefer sharing it with anyone. It is very important you take a help of clinical practitioner as you would be able to talk in a safe space. There are various helplines which works free of cost. see if its available in your country like SAMSHA national helpline.
You should also Journal your every day thoughts along with the years of trauma, those thoughts which trouble you. Letting out those thoughts would make you feel at calm, ease, very therapeutic. Sometimes when you cat speak certain things or there is no who acknowledges whatever you say this becomes healthier way to release your feelings. You can even be part of online support group or community where you can talk to strangers with whom you can share details about trauma. More you share the lighter you would feel.
You should also sit down. close your eyes and then think of situation that has triggered your emotion. Think about the situation in detail. understand why did you feel like that, what had happened before that situation which triggered your emotion, how do you want to respond to that emotion now. Feel the emotion and name the emotion. Experience that emotion running in your body and see how does it feel in your body. Acknowledge that feeling. Now see how do you want to react with that emotion. do you want to cry, shout out. Express your emotion in productive way. This will be healthier way of processing your emotion.