i finally have an answer of what happened with my friend "ignoring" me. i was wrong for the issue, but not the root actually.
for context my friend suddenly stopped giving news after for the first time i said i wasn't available to help her on the exact moment she wanted (but later) by the past i usually sacrified my activities for her demands even if it's whims and nothing serious. i thought she was mad at me for that as she always abuse my kindness excessively without caring for my feels to the point it breaks boundaries.
after 2 weeks of no news, i asked her if she was okay and she was still distant for 2 more days which made me nervous because she was active online. she finally proposed a call but i was at a quick family gathering, i said let's call after if it's ok, she accepted. not even 1h after, it was 3pm i told her i was available, at first i didn't have any reply from her bc it's normal she probably didn't know when i would come back so she was probably doing something else. but then i waited waited and waited... it was then 10pm, i just thought yea she doesn't wanna talk to me because no one is not on their phone for this long, and it reinforced my doubts that she had something against me.
she finally called and explained. the reason she told me isn't an issue at all, but the principle after that part is:
she told me she wasn't in the best mood to reply to texts, i validated her feelings, i said yes she doesn't have to reply if she doesn't feel like it, no culpabilisation, take care of yourself first i understand! so i was like ah i was the one wrong for imagining she was stonewalling me, and felt guilty like what if i pressured her that wasn't my intention, it's just that it's uncommon from her not to warn me tho.
the things she revealed after gave me the ick tho:
she told me sorry "i didn't call you i was in a call with my ex for 4h" oh.. but you said you didn't want to talk to people and you said you wanted to talk to me but kinda replaced me asap. moreover 4h means it ended at 7pm and i still didn't have any msg warning me if i should wait or no, i stayed like an idiot for 8h. she also told me what she did during the week, she talked to a guy (who treated her like crap by the past), they had a convo, and also were supposed to meet tonight. that's when i realized, so she can go on full convo with guys she has beef with, but me her bff who asks about her feels doesn't deserve basic decency?
she then asked about my week so i've been transparent and said that "tbh i thought you were mad at me bc this silence was new and now since i see you gave lots of news to guys i'm surprise i didn't get a simple msg saying hey i don't want to talk". it's like i was talking to a wall because she didn't really notice what i said, she saw it as an opportunity to talk about her back "oh it makes me think this guy made me wait his text for 2h" and i was like... you're making it abt yourself + you're criticizing behaviors you display yourself? i just said i had to go and left. i can't fight more i said what i had to say and i don't wanna lose my sanity to someone that don't wanna listen.
so yeah at the end i was wrong on the reason, she was not mad at me i imagined things. i admit i did a mistake by thinking this, it's just that she already made me feel guilty for her own actions before, or reproduced some fears so i was kinda distrustful. but i was right on the deeper level: she is again not considerate of my person compared to others.
to be clear i'm not mad at her for isolating, i respect this, it's herself first and if she doesn't have the energy to tell me either it's very ok too! i just don't like the double standards of treating guys she barely know way better than me, i couldn't get a simple message after being worried while she was the one immediately yapping easily with them and then you tell me you don't wanna talk? hm. so it reassured me i did nothing wrong, but it made me realize i don't matter much when there is more useful than me.
