sometimes i wonder if i'm really appreciated the right way or because i'm convenient, when you compare how they treat others that they know less it's kinda saddening:
one of my besties, and she also says i'm her bestie kinda takes me for granted?
i remember one time she complained that she never rly received gifts from her new boyfriend, while she offered many to him after only a few weeks of relation, in front of me who didn't receive anything over years from her. i'm not the materialist kind, if money is an issue i won't ask for gifts, it's just hearing stuff like "idk what you like" after being friends for years but you didn't hesitate for a new guy, do you even listen when i talk about my passions?
the same way she does it for a friend that kinda seem to use her for services? everytime we are outside she says "oh imma buy this for her" but when it's about my bday gift i didn't receive she finds excuses.
she also always says she feels that people uses her but... she does the same with me, maybe it's a way for her to have control on smth.
my friend has a hard time with her birthday, so i decided to prepare a day for her to make her feel special, and everytime i let her choose the activities bc it was her day.
i didn't receive the same interest in return while she was available, i said i was doing my birthday fully alone because i never been celebrated and she didn't even notice she was part of the issue.
the same way i always adaptated to her when she wanted to see some movies even tho i don't like some versions but she never did the other way around.
last time too she accused me of ignoring her while she is the one who ignored my msg, but she took accountability at least.
last time my friend said she wanted to do an exhibition, i know she has social anxiety so going alone to places can be hard for her, i said do you want me to join you for this? update me!
i didn't get any replies i guessed maybe she abandoned the idea.
but what was kinda hypocrite it's because right after she complained saying "i proposed a movie no one replied to me" well you did the same to me..
also the fact that at first she said "if i win free tickets for this movie do you wanna see it with me" i was happy and said yes!
i got no news so i guessed she didn't win, but now she wanna see it with other people and not me, i feel i'm like the last choice kinda? and she wants to impress others, no need for me i'm already aquired.
it's like often she is like "omg haha sorry i'm bothering you by phonecalling while you're at work" but still make the longest convos to talk on loop since months about her cds, i just feel i'm liked because she can rant to me. when i rant immediately it's "oh like ME" or i'm abandoned in the worst moments.
tbh she is not mean at all but just really self absorbed because of her depression i think (but i have it too)
of course i should address issue, but i feel that if she knows how it feel when the exact same thing is directed to her why she doesn't see it's bad for me? and now i'm just tired of asking people to treat me right, i give less energy, when she calls and i'm not in the mood i don't pick up for example.
