Earlier today, almost an hour into my shift I received a notification saying someone texted me. Opening my messages, I was surprisingly met with a familiar name and icon photo. It was the avoidant ex I’ve posted about months ago. I was completely taken aback but also giddy.
Giddy because the finally saw the get well texts I sent back in November/December, giddy because he asked for a moment of my time, and overall giddy because I was hearing from him again. Despite the glee, keeping our last interaction in mind and with me working through an attachment theory book I’m reading, I tested using the recommended communication methods when conversing with an avoidant. Surprisingly, they worked!
Throughout the shift we’ve been messaging and at first, I was awestruck. Then, I started to feel hesitant and indifferent because he was addressing me by pet names after 7 months of ghosting. Then it started to feel like I was being taken advantage of when he asked for resources after describing his situation, so I contemplating disconnecting and blocking. But no, I decided to hear him.
He reached out to apologise for ghosting, but also because he “misses me” and wanted to share that the protection charms I gifted him have apparently kept him safe through life-threatening situations. I’m happy to hear from him, but it doesn’t seem like his situation or mindset improved. And while I reminded him that I have nothing but love for him, I’ve also set boundaries.
I’m not looking to be trapped in any cycle with someone who’s emotionally unavailable or looking to improve themselves. I can’t afford to sabotage myself that way and I won’t. I’m feeling incredibly indifferent and can’t wait to discuss everything with my therapist tomorrow, I’m going to need a moment processing this
