hello, my question is in the topic.

A little backstory. I’m 18 and I’ve been interested in girls since 14. I grew up in a small town, my family are very religious. My first kiss was with a boy, I simply didn’t dare to approach a girl. I dated a guy for a couple of years, then when we finally broke up and I stayed single for a while, I rediscovered my interest in women, and I met Mary. She’s absolutely gorgeous, three years older than me and has always been lesbian. When we started dating, it was like I was finally myself. The emotions were incredible, like I’ve never felt before. However, when we started being intimate, every time we tried, my mind froze, panicking. My partner is openly sexual and has no taboos. I am the opposite. I’m extremely anxious and shy about it. The few times I was able to cope with my anxiety, I acted very quickly and was unable to relax. Every time I’m unprepared or feel like we will be seen, I reject her out of anxiety, and then feel ashamed and guilty about it. Therapy was not helpful. I’m desperate. I don’t want my partner to think I’m disinterested and break up with me. Please share any wisdom you have

Hello,

I’ve been lurking here for several weeks, reading other people’s stories. Normally I don’t post about my health online, and I haven’t noticed anyone with the same issues here. I’ve come across discussions about how the mental health issues manifested themselves as physical pain… My case is a bit different, but I suspect the mechanism is the same. I’m reading all I can find about Conversion disorders, so perhaps someone here can give me some tips on where to look further.

I found myself in the hospital two years ago, shortly after a series of unlucky events (severe pneumonia, big issues at my workplace, and the funeral of my father shortly after). I experienced a sudden paralysis in my legs. To tell the truth, it scared the wits out of me. I thought I’d be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life… I also had tremors in my hands, and my state generally signaled I was having some sort of seizure. I spent 8 days in the hospital, muliple tests and IVs. The doctors didn’t know what the matter was, I suspect their main aim was to bring me back to life and send me home. My state improved over the week. I was prescribed a pile of drugs and they let me go. My symptoms were milder (I was told I'd be able to function, which greatly helped with my overwhelming panic), but I needed the support of my husband to take the taxi and, well, to live.

It took till late autumn to feel somewhat normal again. My legs got much better, but at times they betray me. It's terrifying, especially when I'm trying to do simple things like walk to the kitchen or go up the stairs. I've had to rely on my family a lot more to help me get around, mostly because I fear it will happen again unexpectedly. The tremors in my hands are almost invisible to the outside eye now, though I can still feel them at times. It's like they have a mind of their own. It may make the task of writing or even holding a cup of tea feel like a challenge.

I've had to cut back on work because I just can't keep up with the demands of my job anymore. It's frustrating because I used to be so independent, and now I feel like I'm constantly relying on others for help. I’ve been visiting the doctors (I’ve had three different ones over the last year) every two weeks, then every month. Now I do it randomly whenever my symptoms seem to worsen. I’m still not healed. It was the third doctor who insisted I should start therapy, and he made the final diagnosis: conversion disorder. I suppose it’s very rare, if it took them so long to diagnose me? I’ve been reading about it and I’ve come across many similar stories, though I got the impression that it mostly happens after some serious trauma and is considered “the illness of the veterans”.

I haven’t yet started therapy. I know I should do it to help me cope with all of this, but it's hard to take that first step. For now, I'm just trying to take things one day at a time and am seeking for more information. I’ve read that CBT was not helpful for some people, even though it’s recommended by professionals. I’ve also read about hypnosis as one potential line of treatment, it’s considered untraditional medicine? Has anyone else dealt with a similar diagnosis or symptoms on a daily basis? I need to better understand what I'm up against here.

On the early hours of January 26th, I lost my mother very unexpectedly. Word is, she jumped off from the high rise building but knowing her, she would never ever do it. But that’s different.

Its been 2 months already and I don’t know what to do. I feel extremely lost and confused. I can still see the exact same spot that she died on. Sometimes I feel okay, but other times I collapse. I was also in a very happy 6 month relationship, and after he got to know what happened he ran away because he was scared. Bravery at its peak. Anyway, he came back and tried to make “amends” but of course that would never work.

Either way, back to my point. Whenever the phone starts ringing I get really anxious thinking that it is another bad news. That night, and the day of her funeral. It keeps on playing like a constant loop in my head. No matter what i’m doing or where i am. How do I cope? How do I deal? On top of that my family makes it worse by saying how they’ll never ever be able to heal from this trauma. My mother was a single mother so it’s not like I have a father figure either, and I have a 6yr old sister that I look after. Please, I need help.

I am not able to focus on my studies more than 20 minutes that's why I never participate in competaive exam because it require lots of focus and attention.but know I felt bad for myself because if I want to succeed in life than I have to prepare for competitive exam.but sitting is very low not just in studies but I am not able to focus in many areas of life .like I face problem in driving.I do not remember the instructions given to me and make silly mistakes.I forget things very easily.and mood swings happen.sometimes I feel very good and after some time I felt depressed.stress and anxiety are persistent in my body for many years .even do not able to take decision whenever I take decision I felt anxiety even sometimes in a very simple deci

Sion .due to that I suffer a lot in my carrier and life .and I think this stress and anxiety create many physical health problem in my life from which I'm suffering even in present times like I have constipation problem from last four years. My physical health is not good I am underweight.and even happiness is gone through my life and I felt anxiety when i interact with people especially in social gatherings like marriage or family function its not like i do not want to interact with people but many a times my anxiety level is so high that i am not able to speak in front of people i face problem in remembering face of peoples whom i met due to that i face lots of embarresment of interacting with people specially in family function. Today I lost all my hopes and I see my feature in dark to get rid of anxiety and stress I did a lot of things such as meditation,yoga,prayer and real holy text baghwat geeta but nothing works even when I tell all these problem to my family they say this all means to escape from hard work.my school was shit and my college life was shit.I always face difficulty in organizing,planning and finish work on time .and I scared what will happen I will do job.since adolescent the problem become more problematic because to lower the stress and anxiety I start watching porn and masturbation. Which impacted my health severely even today I do such things to lower my anxiety.I have constant thoughts running in my mind sexual activity.