I want to share my state of powerlessness...despondency, and confusion, which has been weighing on me. I don't know what to do at all, and from the fatigue of the situation I am lethargic, I feel like I am in a fog.

I don't work much, but I am very tired of the family situation...I have three children living with me, my mom, my husband. My husband and I have known each other since childhood, he is a wonderful man. I think he's kind, but he has another half: the dark half. Sometimes he starts talking nonsense. He starts telling me that he's seen me in certain situations, but I know for a fact that I wasn't in those situations.

For example, he tells me how I betrayed him and was there for his friend, him and something else I stole. I argue to the point of hoarseness that I was somewhere else that day, but it doesn't help. If I don't talk to him, he follows me around and interrogates me. He wants confessions and revelations. But this is not one such story, there are many. Which were, but probably only in his imagination. This situation is making me sick. And my inner state affects my outer life. It's important for me to be in charge of my own life. It was like he smoked cannabis and I appeared to him in hallucinations. Then he'll blame me for what I did in his hallucination. Because he often doesn't separate his hallucinations and real life. When he argues with me, he gets aggressive. How can I prove the truth to him? I've argued a lot, but it doesn't work. Our fighting is bad for the kids, and my mother. They are dumbfounded by the text of the accusations against me.

Up until September 2022 I’ve spent most of my life people-pleasing and bending over backwards for others with little to no reciprocation. In previous friendships and relationships I was treated like a therapist; a resource; someone to trauma dump on and abandon once the support sought was received. This has been an ongoing pattern that manifested and unconsciously continued until I broke the cycle by deciding to choose myself.

Since beginning to prioritise my wellbeing post escaping an abusive relationship, I began redefining what friendship looks like to me and how I want future connections to form. That involved cutting ties, reframing my perspective, changing my surrounding and adjusting my approach. Now, 2 almost 3 years into my journey I find myself alone because I’ve noticed this generation’s definition of friendship is based off either: what you can do for others, people wanting to experience abundance by proximity, how much you’ll let others take advantage of you or the amount of shallow intimacy had.

There’s a difference between holding space with yourself and isolating, and while I hold space with myself most days I definitely isolate on others. I’m okay with having no friends because I’m protecting my peace and will continue to, however whenever I’m meeting people for the first time and their immediate reaction is to trauma dump I disassociate with quickness.

I understand it’s not always done maliciously but it’s exhausting. I acknowledge that receiving professional help is easier said than done and it’s privilege to have accessibility to mental health services, but trauma dumping on someone you met within hours of meeting them is a red flag for me. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows 24/7 and I recognise that. I don’t believe in enforcing toxic positivity because that does more harm than good, but where I’m at right now I just want to make connections and enjoy the little goodness that’s left while the world is going to shit.

Being surrounded by people who constantly complain, always see the negative and are problem focused instead of seeking alternatives, acknowledging positives and being solution oriented is very genuinely draining. It’s okay to vent when needed, it helps decompress, but to NEVER have anything good to talk about? That’s troubling to me. Yes, people (apart of your support system or not) are supposed to help in your time of need but they’re not qualified professionals trained to guide you through every traumatic event you experienced. Continuously dumping shit on people without even knowing their capacity to receive potentially triggering information shouldn’t be normalised and is selfish in my opinion, but I unfortunately keep running into people like this.

I love helping others more than anything but I refuse to fall back into old patterns. I’m no longer trying to save anyone, I just hope I inspire people enough to save themselves. General advice, a shoulder to lean on and encouragement is all I can give. I’m tired of being treated like an afterthought, arm candy or expedient. I’ve been traumatised enough by previous trauma bonds and recognising I’ll outgrow those connections sooner or later, I don’t want future friendships/relationships to develop from trauma bonding. I trust in my decision making abilities more than anything but sometimes I feel bad, am I the asshole for immediately disassociating with people who attempt to trauma bond with me?

Idk why but my problems are not decreasing instead they're doubling day by day. My father is not supporting us financially and always used to say he spent all his money on us. I am paying rent and bearing most of the expenses and still become the suspect.

I don't want to live such life where I am unable to cope with my mental and physical health and still listening wrong about myself.

I am struggling really hard to earn and get settle but my father always do something that worsen the situation.

I can't even buy a two wheeler for me as that money can be used in the house or anywhere if emergency occurs.

I can't buy this because if I bought it, there's parking issue so i have to park it outside the home that may cause yhe robbery.

Another reason is petrol/electricity bill taht i will have to bear because neither my father nor my younger brother who is also working in family business can afford to pay such.

If i say anything to anyone or if I put any status on wsap insta, people talk shit about me my mom starts scolding at me that you shouldn't do this. Instead of becoming my support system, everyone is becoming the source of stress for me.

Idk what to do but I am done with this and I can't afford to bare anymore. I am literally tired of everything.

Just been diagnosed with dysthymia (persistent depressive disorder). I wasn’t much surprised, I felt like it since I was 25. I've tried to rebuild my life multiple times, but it’s useless. It’s who I am now, broken and defective for life. I’ve accepted it. The numbness that accompanies my depressive episodes is suffocating, leaving me feeling disconnected from the world and unable to fully engage with my own emotions. I am constantly tired, both physically and emotionally, as though I am merely going through the motions of life without any real purpose or passion. I haven't talked about it with anyone, really. My therapist only talks about how not to make my chronic depression resistant to treatment. He angered me so much when he said I’d been living with PDD for so long I should barely notice it. He worded it in such a way as if it were just a minor inconvenience. Yeah, sure, I can brush my teeth and I still eat, so why not call it manageable? I don’t even know why it angers me so. Taking antidepressants for four years made me seem like a normal person, guess I should be grateful for that? But I don’t feel like it. I’m a walking corpse. Even on the rare days when I feel alive and almost happy, it always comes crashing down on me. I’ve lost interest in things that I loved (such as playing chess and languages). My brain can’t take more than fifteen minutes of pleasure. It defaults back to sadness and questioning my life. Doesn’t last at all. No one knows how I’m struggling internally. Most people won’t understand how truly awful it is to live every day like this, not being able to be happy but not miserable enough to matter. I just tolerate it every day until I go to sleep. Feels like I’m perishing in a slow, consistent, and agonizing manner. It’s so much worse than “normal depression”.