Personality wise I'm very introverted reserved shy being. Since childhood I never shared any of my emotions to anybody. I bottled up my feelings, I never liked sharing cause I always felt & still feel "What can people do knowing my pain, they will think I'm crazy etc".
Since last year I can feel something big change like : my dreams, reality, everything is collapsing. I don't like doing anything anymore. I even can't fall asleep easily. But when I'm asleep it's hard for me to get up. I have inferiority complex. I have perfection problem. Clinically Diagonised I do have OCD. Knowing the fact human are imperfect still I want to be best in everything. I avoid people, interaction etc.
Having no interest in anything, no emotions, my academic result was worst. My 11-12th grade was & still horrible. But people say Fail is not sin but for me it killed me more as I never failed in school . Trying not to give up but again I find no purpose to stay strong & fight. Staying in comfort zone & imaginary world, I tried escaping reality, & now realizing everything I feel broken. Well the situations from last year till now made me realize I'm damn coward who wants to escape miseries & reality. I have my Main exam within 20 days. My mental health conidition is as worst as my studies. I'm easily distracted, can't concentrate on anything. I struggle remembering things.
I never shared any of this to anyone. I did 3 session with a psychologist but she didn't put importance to my symptoms, my condition, rather she went with making me disciplined so I didn't visit her anymore. I don't discuss about this with my parents because I feel sorry for them. All I want is to get better, figure out life & trust GOD's plan.
