Thanks for taking the time to write this!
I know your pain! My personal experience was so traumatic. When I opened up to my ex-boyfriend about my BPD, he broke up with me within weeks. I felt as if I were contagious… It’s so hard when you battle with yourself and your own emotions every single day, and you also have to battle with prejudices. I have no energy for that! All I want is some space and patience, not judgement or indifference. It’s not that much to ask!
I’m sorry that your family was not supportive. I think the fact that my parents learned to live with it is one thing that keeps me going. That, and my awesome therapist. Still, I want to be able to talk about it with friends, to share my burden and get some simple words of encouragement. It’s so disappointing that we don’t talk more about mental disorders…
Lots of strength to you!
@sarah2 thank you. I feel relieved that I'm not the only one dealing with those problems.
@sarah2 Hello, Sarah. I have BPD.
I don’t believe anyone who hasn’t lived through this themselves can understand what people like you and me are dealing with. Take my therapist. She’s OK, but she’s like my mother. They both think if we pretend I’m all right, it’ll help me be like others. But I’m not a robot, I can’t do something or be someone only because they tell me so. I wish there were local support groups and meetings where I could come and talk freely about all the pain my brain’s causing me. They have these things for alcoholics, why can’t they do the same for mental illnesses?!
I’ve lost many close connections to my depression (diagnosed). I wouldn’t say I’m angry at them, it’s just sad that friends are around as long as you’re good. When you hit a crisis in life, no one needs you. It’s selfish, but I think it’s human nature. I guess I should be glad all my superficial “friends” revealed themselves for who they are. It makes me value more the two people who stayed with me through thick and thin. Cheers to real, meaningful friendships!
society believes what they see in stupid movies and read in shallow magazines – that’s the real problem. they have no idea what bipolar or depression even is. they think that people with mental issues walk around gloomy and maniac at all times. while in reality the symptoms are not always obvious. faced with reality, people don’t know how to be supportive. no one ever explained to them. people switch on the “not my business” mode as if nothing like that could ever happen to them. the hard truth is it will happen to many of them, sooner or later. it’s pure statistics! that’s when they’ll finally understand all the context, and not just the symptoms...
I understand where you are coming from. I have a friend who’s been suffering from generalized social anxiety and depression for more than 10 years. We used to be best friends at the university, but when these changes happened to her, she became practically unavailable. She didn’t answer my calls and ignored half of my emails. I could reach her only through her sister, and it was so annoying, because I wanted to help her, but I felt rejected. Our first attempts to meet again were painful. I didn’t recognize the girl I’d been partying with all nights. I couldn’t talk about our common friends, and about work, there were so many taboo topics. I had to be extremely careful about what I said. It took me about four years of constant attempts before I was invited to her house again. I’m grateful that things are slowly getting better, but I’d say our friendship barely survived.
I’m not contradicting your words, some close people really don’t deserve that name, and you are better off without them. All I’m saying is there are limits to how we can support, and also we can do it only if we are allowed to. It’s a two-way street.
It’s so true, my friend! We’re alone with our problems. As someone who recovers from alcohol abuse, I can confirm family is not ready to provide any emotional support. I can’t hold it against them, my daughter grew up without me. I guess I’ll just have to cope with it myself, like you did, just to prove myself that I can.
You know, I've talked to a friend who is not a professional therapist, but she's studying to be one. I'm apparently having postpartum depression, and it very negatively affects my relationships with my husband. Sometimes I feel the urge to leave, even my little baby, because the burden of going through it alone seems too unfair. I told my friend that I had thought my husband and I were soulmates, like two halves, and we were meant to be there for each other. And she gave me a peculiar answer: she said that in relationships there should not be two halves, but two wholes. And no one can really make you whole again, no matter how much you hope for it. I don't know what to think of it. Part of me still craves that emotional support. But there's another small part now that's asking if perhaps my own state of mind is dragging me down and doesn't let me appreciate all that my dearest person is doing for me? I don't know, it's hard.
Hopefully, I'll manage to get out of it and be resilient, like you.
As someone with OCD, I know what’s it like on the inside. And, frankly speaking, I don’t think I’d want to be with a partner who has a severe mental illness, especially if they refuse to get professional help. I’m not talking of depression or some mild cases. If it’s something that affects a person’s life on a daily basis, I’m not sure I’d have the strengths to support, it can be very emotionally draining. I don’t want to be a hypocrite and promise someone my support if I’m not 100% sure I can give it at all times. Nor do I expect it from anyone around me. I think most people who turn away when things get bad are not rotten, they’re simply unprepared and lack emotional intelligence to be the best versions of themselves.
I’ve recently moved in with parents and my brother, who was diagnosed with bipolar. I was very nervous about it. It’s actually not obvious how to help someone with such diagnoses, especially since we haven’t been in touch for years (I got married and lived far away). I feel guilty that I haven’t helped my parents with this. Anyway, now we live together, and my fears did not materialize. My brother’s psychiatrist took care of the medications, and my parents organized the daily routines in such a way that my brother is almost always busy and surrounded with positive influences. I’ve also learned that support may be just listening, or brining a snack. Basically what you’d do for your partner or friend. It's not that hard.
Anger is a healthy, appropriate and reasonable response to things which you went through. it is justified based on the events that happened, people around were not available for you. But now it's been a year . Holding onto anger that is year old indicates you still are living in the past.Even if it doesn't affect your daily life, thinking of the situation can bring you back to the way you felt for all those years ago. If you are still feeling angry over the events in the past but you couldn't express it at that time then you need to learn ways to release out this pent up feelings. if not it will start affecting you again as holding on to that is like carrying a burden with you always. you are using your energy to keep something that is not good for you. pent up anger is always because of being unheard, unappreciated, lack of acceptance. There are various reason why you are having this pent up anger for this long:
You need to address first what is the reason if you want to completely shatter this thoughts and barrier. you need to consider a path where you are physically, mentally strong enough to not let these things bother you anymore.
write down in journal all your feelings towards each person individually,
Holding on it is going to affect you and your happy, peaceful life. So you need now to challenge this negative thoughts. can you start replacing these negative thoughts with positive ones. Example when you said your mother felt you were burden then how can you change into positive like by saying i am so independent as i do so and so things. i am helpful too and give an example. let all the criticism turn into positive so that you start talking about facts, reality than what other perceive you.
Forgiving is the best way to stop holding on to your anger. it doesn't come naturally. when someone harms you it fuels your desire for bitterness towards them. You feel like just talking about them negative. If your anger is weighing down then let go.
You can also try this another technique where you look at the situation you have written down in the journal. look at it as an outsider or third person and see how can you look at the situation and how do you want to address it.
Visualise in your mind a happy place and how you want to live, who are there around you. A place which makes you feel happy, peaceful and safe. now open your eyes and see do you want such a path then how to achieve that peace in your life
You also need to find out what triggers your thought that you remember these things in the past. see if you can avoid such triggers. like something happening in your daily life reminds you about the past then see how you can address that as well.
remember they saying all those things it's all about them. problem lies with them and not with you.