Trying to overcome depression while dealing with consequences of the past

I am in the process of overcoming depression, but I am having to deal with the consequences of all the bad and wrong decisions I made while being on a very high anxiety and depressive state. Because of that i am constantly fighting guilt and I feel it is making me worse and worse. Everything I did in the past and how it is affecting me now, is affecting my relationships. I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless and so tired of this. I try everyday my best to be ok, to not be the problem anymore but it doesn't go out like that, most of the time I get perceived as selfish, selfcentered and like I lack empathy and coward for not even trying to deal with the situation. I get so easilly overwhelmed and before trying to deal with it, I am so worried that it might be perceived as selfishness and victimism, so I try to hide, I try to stay away so I am not a problem to my family, but that sets me out of other things like being there during hard situations. When something bad is happening the only thing I can do is hide so i don't get in the way and it is so frustrating and exhausting. And of course my famly, my mother-in-law treats me well but behind my back is talking shit about me, I heard her talking to my boyfriend saying I am false and I play the victim and things like that. And specially my boyfriend, he is so hard at me, he asks a lot and I don't think I have the emotional resources to be wht he needs and I know i don't get to know even half of what he is dealing with because of me. This is killing me, it is exhausting, i can't even go away and give myself sometime to get myself together, I don't have anyone to talk to and I don't have anywhere else to go. I am constantly asking myself if I am narcisistic or something like that and that's why all this is happening.