Please I need your opinion. Never thought I would find myself in this situation. It started with my obsessive-compulsive disorder, constant intrusive thoughts and the need for control and order. But right before the new year, after a regular night of smoking weed with some friends, everything spiraled out of hand. I had a psychotic break, and now I'm being told that I might be developing schizophrenia.
The diagnosis terrifies me. I've always been aware of my OCD, but the idea of losing touch with reality is a whole other level of fear. I don't trust this new diagnosis, but the thought of it lingers in the back of my mind. I was prescribed two antipsychotics, not taking them for now...
A short description of how it felt, because I still think this could be drug induced. During my psychotic break, I was trapped in an altered reality that I didn't even realize was happening. Was like living in a distorted dream, where nothing made sense and everything felt threatening. I remember feeling like the world was closing in on me, and I couldn't escape. I became convinced that people outside on the street were watching me, plotting against me and my friends. The walls seemed to whisper secrets, and I couldn't shake the feeling that going outside was a threat to my life. Time lost all meaning, and I felt like I was stuck in an endless loop of running from the people outside. The lines between where I were and where those people were sort of blurred together, leaving me disoriented. I later found myself on the street with my hand bleeding, I’d broken my friend’s window throwing an empty bottle right through it. I’m lucky that no passersby or cars were harmed at such a late hour… We have cameras everywhere, I’d be in trouble. The worst part was that I didn't even realize how far gone I was. In my altered reality, everything seemed perfectly logical and connected. It wasn't until I came back to myself that I realized how distorted my thoughts had been. Doesn’t the fact that I realized it afterwards and didn’t deny anything prove that my mind came back to normal?
All people smoking weed sometimes have these visions and hear voices, right? I got stoned many times before, and it was usually like some funny mental puzzle, but never so vivid and distorted.
Now, faced with the possibility of developing schizophrenia (which I still don’t want to believe!), I can't help but wonder if that altered reality is waiting for me again. The fear of losing myself to a world of delusions and hallucinations drives me nuts. I cling to the hope that it was just a one-time episode.
Fuck, I wish I could go back to the days when my biggest struggle was managing my OCD. Now, this schizo specter hangs over me, and it’s just too much!
you shouldn't feel selfish for wanting to stay close to your family and friends. communication is key in any relationship, so try to talk with your boyfriend about your concerns. i believe that you can find a compromise that works for both of you. your happiness matters too
@2_glenn.28 I’ve tried to compromise by saying we should live some in between both of our families. He first suggested it actually but then went back on it. He thinks that we should move there and then he’ll take me to visit my family like on weekends and on holidays, but that seems damn near impossible with flights being so expensive
@megan kohler ten years is a long time to be with someone, but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own happiness. it's good that you're thinking about your future and what you want. your boyfriend's suggestion about visiting on weekends and holidays does sound pretty unrealistic, especially with how expensive travel can be. it's crucial to consider the practical side of things too. btw it's great that you're working towards a career and that should be celebrated. have you talked to any of your friends or family about how you're feeling about this whole situation?
I think you should probably take a break. It's okay to feel this way. You've been together for a long time, but that doesn't mean you have to do things that make you uncomfortable. If you have a gut feeling, it's worth following it
Taking a break doesn't mean you're giving up. It just means you need some time to think things through. It's not selfish to want to stay close to your family and friends. That's a big part of your life and it's okay to value that.
You and your boyfriend have different ideas about the future. That's normal, but it's important to talk about it. Maybe during this break, you can think about what you really want. Do you see yourself happy in North Carolina? Or do you want to stay where you are?
@Eliana I don’t plan on living in New Jersey forever but to be 10 hours away from my family is just too much to ask. It’s not like I wanna live right next-door to them or Down the block from them, I wouldn’t mind living maybe two or three hours away like my sister does but 10 hours is just too much to ask
@megan kohler Yeah, 10 hours is too much. What if you guys split up for a while? He'll go to North Carolina and you'll go somewhere closer? It's not going to be a big deal. I think it would be good for both you to reflect and be alone for a while
@megan kohler choosing yourself isn't selfish, it's necessary. you can't pour from an empty cup, and staying in a situation that makes you unhappy won't benefit anyone in the long run, including your partner.
life is full of possibilities and opportunities for growth and happiness. don't let fear of the unknown or guilt about the past keep you from exploring those possibilities
taking time for self-reflection can be incredibly valuable. what are your non-negotiables in a relationship? what kind of support do you need from a partner? what dreams and goals are most important to you?
It's your life too. You're working towards a career, and that's important. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that. You have friends, and they matter to you. That's great, and you shouldn't have to defend that. Feeling trapped is a tough place to be. But you have choices and yes, I agree, tking a break might help you see things clearer. It might be hard, but it could be what you need right now. Trust yourself 🗣🗣🗣🗣
Oh my gosh, reading this gave me so much anxiety. I don't know if it's my gut feeling or just my anxiety talking, but I really don't like your boyfriend at all. The way he's acting is not cool at all. I mean, saying you don't have friends or a career? That's so mean, even if he said sorry later
And wanting you to move so far away from your family and friends? That's a big deal! It's not selfish to want to stay close to the people you love. You've been together for 10 years, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything he wants. It's your life too. I think it's really important that he understands how you feel
Have you tried talking to him about all this? Like, really sitting down and explaining everything? Sometimes people don't get it unless you spell it out for them. Maybe he doesn't realize how much this is affecting you. But also, it's okay to take a break if you need one. You're not trapped, you always have a choice to take a break
Girl, I feel you! Being in a long-term relationship can be tough, especially when you're not on the same page about the future. It's totally normal to feel trapped and uncertain. Here's my take: you need to put yourself first. If moving to North Carolina doesn't align with your goals and dreams, then don't do it. Your boyfriend should understand and support your decisions. It's concerning that he's dismissing your friendships and career aspirations. That's not cool at all
Let me tell you about my experience with a controlling partner. It was a few years ago, and I thought I was in love. We had been together for about 5 years, and at first, everything seemed perfect. He was charming, funny, and we had a lot in common. But as time went on, things started to change
He began to criticize my friends, saying they were a bad influence. He'd make comments about them, saying I could do better. At first, I brushed it off, thinking he just wanted the best for me. But then he started pressuring me to abandon my friends and move in with him (I wasn't ready). He said it would be great for our future, but I wasn't so sure
I loved my family and friends, and the thought of leaving them behind scared me. But he kept pushing, saying I was holding us back. He'd make me feel guilty for wanting to stay close to my parents. He'd say things like, "Don't you want us to have a future together?" It made me feel awful, like I was being selfish.
The more he pushed, the more trapped I felt. I started to doubt myself. Maybe he was right? Maybe I was being selfish? But deep down, I knew I wasn't happy. I'd lie awake at night, feeling anxious about the future. I'd cry when I was alone, wondering how I got into this situation. My friends started to notice that I wasn't myself anymore. I was always stressed and on edge. I'd cancel plans last minute because he'd make me feel bad for wanting to go out. I felt like I was losing myself, bit by bit.
One day, my best friend sat me down and asked me if I was really happy. It was like a wake-up call. I realized that I had been so focused on making him happy that I'd forgotten about my own happiness. I started to see how controlling he had become. It wasn't easy, but I finally decided to end the relationship. It was scary, and I felt guilty at first. But as time passed, I started to feel like myself again. I reconnected with friends I had pushed away. I focused on my career and finally started to feel proud of my achievements
Looking back, I can see all the red flags I missed. The way he'd put down my dreams, the guilt trips, the constant pressure to change. It wasn't love, it was control. And it took me a long time to realize that. Now, I'm in a much better place. I've learned to trust my gut and stand up for what I want. I know that a healthy relationship should make you feel supported, not trapped
So, I want to tell you that it's okay to put yourself first. It's okay to have dreams that don't align with your partner's. You're not selfish for wanting to stay close to your family and friends. You deserve to be happy. Don't let anyone make you feel small or tell you that your dreams aren't important. You're working towards a career, and that's something to be proud of. Your friends are important, and it's not fair for someone to say they don't matter
Aa break isn't a bad idea if you need time to think. It's okay to take a step back and figure out what you really want. You don't have to make any big decisions right now. Take your time, talk to your friends and family, and, most importantly, listen to your heart
@Gini I was in a relationship with controlling partner too, and it started out just like yours. He always said he was just worried about me, he cared so much that he wanted to protect me from everything. At first, it felt nice to have someone care that much, but then he'd get upset if I wanted to hang out with my friends, saying he was worried they were a bad influence. He'd question my choices about work, saying he was just concerned about my future. He thought he knew what was best for me better than I did. The thing is, it happened so slowly that I didn't even notice at first. It took me a long time to realize that this wasn't what love was supposed to be like. Love should lift you up, not tear you down
@Gini After I left, rebuilding my confidence was definitely a journey. At first, I felt lost. I had spent so long trying to be what he wanted that I wasn't sure who I was anymore. But slowly, I started to rediscover myself. I'd make decisions about things, like what to have for dinner or what to watch on TV. It sounds silly, but after having someone control even those choices, it felt empowering
@muah I'm so glad we were able to recognize what was happening and find the strength to leave. You're absolutely right about love. It should be a source of strength and support, not something that makes you feel small. I remember feeling so confused because I thought love was supposed to be about compromise, but I was the only one compromising. It took me a while to realize that true compromise doesn't mean giving up everything that makes you who you are. Looking back, I can see how he used my desire to be a good partner against me
It happening slowly. Rebuilding a confidence after I left was quite a process of rediscovering the things I loved and reconnecting with the friends I had pushed away
I think I understand your bf because I'm codependent and it seems like he is codependent as well. Your boyfriend probably doesn't mean to make you feel bad. He might just be excited about the idea of moving with you. It's okay to have your own feelings about it though. Tell him you need some time to think about things. It's okay to take care of yourself and your needs too. You don't have to decide everything right now. Just take it one day at a time
@bebella I struggle with codependency too and it's really tough sometimes. I tend to get super attached to people and want to spend every moment with them. I want to be with them for eternity , feel me? But I've realized that can actually scare people away, even though that's not what I'm trying to do at all. I just can't help it - if I don't get that constant reassurance, I start getting paranoid and wondering if they really love me or not
Do you ever feel like that too? Like you need constant validation from your partner?
@bebella Unfortunately, I feel the same way and coping with these feelings is definitely a challenge. I try to distract myself by hanging out with friends, but honestly, it's not always easy. There are times when I just can't shake the anxiety and end up texting or calling my partner way too much. I know it's not healthy, but it's like this overwhelming urge I can't control
Do you ever feel like you're suffocating the other person with your need for attention and reassurance? I worry about that a lot. I'm constantly walking this tightrope between wanting to be close and not wanting to push them away
@bebella With friends, I often find myself being the one who's always available, always reaching out, always trying to plan things. I worry that if I don't make the effort, they'll forget about me or decide they don't want to be friends anymore. It's exhausting, honestly. And with family, I tend to take on everyone else's problems as my own. It's like I can't separate myself from their issues or emotions. Do you ever feel that way? Like you're so tuned into other people's needs and feelings that you lose sight of your own?
@jonesj.2003 Oh my gosh, I totally understand where you're coming from! You're describing exactly how I feel. That need for constant reassurance is so real. I've definitely been in situations where I've worried about scaring people away because I get too clingy too fast. It's hard to find that balance between showing you care and giving people space, isn't it? I think for me, a lot of it comes from my own insecurities and fear of abandonment. Like, if I'm not constantly checking in or spending time with someone, they might forget about me or decide they don't want me anymore. It's not rational, but emotions rarely are, right?
@jonesj.2003 You're speaking my language! I definitely struggle with feeling like I'm suffocating my partner sometimes. It's such a delicate balance, isn't it? When I feel like I'm getting too clingy, I try to take a step back and give them some space. It's not so easy! My mind starts racing with all these worst-case scenarios. I need to try to focus on building up my own self-esteem, because I think a lot of my clinginess comes from not feeling good enough on my own. But it's a constant work in progress
I don't get why people trap themselves in relationships. 🤷♀️ Girl, you're not trapped, you're choosing to stay. That means you're trapping yourself. It's time to stop worrying about what other people think and do what you need to do to feel better. We have such little time on this planet. Why waste it on things you don't enjoy? Life's too short to be unhappy. You've been with this guy for 10 years, but that doesn't mean you have to stay if you're not happy. It's okay to want different things
You say you wish you could take a break. Well, why can't you? If that's what you need, then do it. Don't let guilt or fear hold you back
Listen, relationships should make you feel good, not trapped. If you're feeling this way, it's a big red flag HUGEE 🚩🚩🚩 Don't ignore it. You have the power to change your situation. It might be scary, but it's better than feeling stuck forever. Think about what you really want. Not what your boyfriend wants, not what your family wants, but what YOU want. Where do you see yourself in the future? What makes you happy?
At the end of the day, you're the one who has to live your life. Not your boyfriend, not anyone else. So make choices that are right for you. If that means taking a break or even ending the relationship, then that's okay. You've got this, girl. Trust yourself and do what feels right for you
Wow, 10 years is a long time to be with someone! But that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own dreams and aspirations. Don't forget that your career aspirations are important too. It's not fair for your boyfriend to dismiss them. Maybe you could look into job opportunities in North Carolina that align with your career goals? That way, you might feel more excited about the potential move