how to build myself up

in the past few years I’ve become almost non-functional. I lost everything… broken family, went bankrupt. Fucked up my career. have to start from scratch now. I had to relocate which adds to my stress. I feel trapped in a new place. I found an online gig but I struggle for money though I work till late evening.. which just adds to the feeling of low self-esteem. I’m still recovering from deep internal negativity. Some days I’m telling myself life’s going on and I’m alive. Other days I feel defeated. Most people spend their whole lives achieving financial freedom and security which I burnt in one year… I keep telling myself people have it worse. They get into car crashes, they die. And I just lost my fricking business.. The only reason I actually finally got around to typing this is because I need change.

anyway I might delete this post I’m just very stressed... and a little drunk...