Post escaping an abusive relationship with a covert narcissist almost two years ago in September 2022, the trauma my assailant caused my encouraged me to get my shit together. I sought out therapy, started volunteering, joined support groups and picked up hobbies outside my comfort zone. Ironically enough, he hurt me so bad it caused me to love others more, myself included. I developed this new found appreciation for life and have so much gratitude for the little things. During the earlier part of my recovery, as a way to give myself closure I’d write poems to my assailant. They’d always start with, “I don’t know whether to hate you or thank you”, because I experienced what felt like hell surviving everything he did to me but it also made me a stronger more resilient person.
Despite my resilience and optimism to take challenges head on, that didn’t change some days feeling more overwhelming than others. I was juggling several jobs along volunteering and other personal pleasures. Eventually, my therapist convinced me to settle down because as a chronically disabled person, it was causing my body to break down. It took some time but I was finally able to create a schedule that works well for me and my longterm goals. When everything finally settled, I started testing the waters of relationships again.
I took a break to focus on my health and wellbeing but felt well enough to try again. Twice, I’ve had romantic interests play in my face despite doing my best to communicate and cultivate healthier more intentional connections and an ex attempt trapping me in another cycle but I disconnected from it all. Having 14 months pass (7 months with one person, another with the second) I figured “recovery is the priority, not relationships.” and have been well off since.
Then, 2 almost 3 months ago I met my current partner. A fascinating human who approached me at a concert one evening and we hit it off the next. We’ve had a few hiccups but because we’re on the same page with what we’re seeking, how we think, and the way we navigate, conflict quickly arrives at a solution and in a healthy way. We’re going at a pace that feels right for us, we’re learning from one another while learning about the other, we have genuine appreciation for each other and we communicate effectively.
I love that there’s no anxiousness if we don’t immediately hear back from one another and that we can maintain holding space with ourselves without it being taken personally. I our commonalities and differences. I love the willingness to grow and explore. Experiencing a healthy relationship will really make a person question why they tolerated anything less than in the past. Even knowing this might be short term, I appreciate getting to experience what healthy relationships are like.
In the past I didn’t think relationships while navigating recovery was possible, but this is one of few times I’m glad to have been wrong.
Oh, man, your journey is truly inspiring. It takes courage to confront past traumas and negative beliefs, but you have shown that it is possible to emerge from the darkness. Thank u for sharing your story and reminding us all that we are not alone in our struggles
I also have problems with my family, which were from childhood. With a lot of effort, I was able to forgive everyone. And I am grateful to God and I say thank you to him every day.
Thanks for being real and open about your struggles. It does creates a vibe where we can connect and relate with others who are going through the same stuff. By sharing our experiences, we build a community of support and understanding that helps us all🙏🏼
I'm so happy for you! You're truly setting a great example💪🏻
@Maria I probably couldn't do that either.
Thankyou for your encouraging words. Yes it takes a lot of courage to talk about all your struggles when your loved ones don't understand it and you are all alone in it.I am proud to say that my struggles have made me strong. I feel grateful to God for giving me the courage to face it it is painful but its worth it.Happy to know that it inspired you...so Maria you are not alone your loved and you definitely have the strength to come out of it strong...
Yes keira this platform made me not commit suicide and share whatever I was going through.It made me realise that I am not alone I have a community who listens and understands with whatever I feel.
@vivienne you can do everything what you think of.Its just that we are surrounded by people who make us feel otherwise . Remember not all heroes wear cape so just love and believe in yourself everything else will fall in place...