I must admit she’s a very organized hoarder. Our garage and the attic are packed with boxes, most of them have a label. She thinks it’s reasonable to “collect” potentially useful or memorable things, and since she takes the time to label and pack them, she sees no problem in it... I, on the other hand, see a BIG problem. It’s literally walls of boxes that take up our entire attic and two thirds of the garage, with a small path in between.

I’ve talked to her many times about giving some things to those who need them. I thought that appealing to her practical side would work, she’s adamant about recycling, so I tried to reason with her that leaving all those things lying in boxes for years without touching them is wasteful, while someone else could be using them. But she has a hard time parting with things, and whenever she needs some old dress from 10 years ago, she’s quick to point out that she has been right to tuck it away…

I’ve tried to share my concerns patiently and lovingly. I’ve tried to set boundaries, the main rule being that we do not keep any of that in the rooms, but she manages to buy bigger boxes and just keeps adding to the piles in the attic, with very rare attempts to get rid of something. That [Miracle] happens once a year during the spring when she unpacks some stuff, puts aside a thing or two, then proclaims that she has no time to sort it all, or that this stuff will certainly be useful for our future kids, or some other excuse… These excuses never come to the core of it, and she would never admit that she has a problem. I kind of knew we were different in that regard when we were getting together. She liked to joke that I’m such a minimalist I’d have no issues living in a barn, as long as there’s Internet and a laptop [which is not entirely untrue]... while she needs all sorts of “comfort things”, even when those are stuck in boxes or gathering dust in the garage.

Whenever I try to covertly throw anything shoddy away, we have a tantrum. Usually, she does not notice it immediately, and I’m sure if she didn’t adamantly label her boxes, she would never notice. She does not need those things! But the last time I dared to get rid of all her old magazines in one go [I needed more space in the garage], she noticed it three months later, and we spent days exchanging angry looks and reproaches, while I was lectured about all the reasons why I should have asked her first and why she needed those old worthless magazines...

What are my options? I understand that I can’t change her, but I don’t want her to get worse, like the old ladies that bring all sorts of junk into the house. I had a crazy thought to move to another place before we get married, just for the sake of decluttering and packing all the stuff we have [some of it could “get lost” before it gets to us]. But we haven’t yet fully paid off the loan for this house, and my pragmatic side tells me this will be a very costly solution. Perhaps someone could advise better ways to discard of old things without getting into another fight? Thanks.

My last four men have been about 10 years younger than me. It's socially frowned upon. "Evil tongues" like to say all the worst things they can. I've been thinking about why I choose men younger than me. And a story from my past came to mind. Years ago, I was married to a man of my own age. He loved me very much, we got married and I was sure of his love. When our daughter was born, he became very jealous. I must say that it was not for nothing: in the past, before our marriage, he had seen many men courting me. But after marriage, I never cheated on him. And how could I? I was pregnant, and then I took care of a small child. I always thought he was joking when he laughingly said "coming off duty to check on you." started nagging me to ask what I was doing. while he was at work. I didn't take it seriously because I was busy with the baby. The baby wasn't sleeping well and I was exhausted from it. During the day, the baby slept for 30 minutes at a time, and I had no time for anything. My husband did not understand this, we were only 23 years old. He was young and did not understand childcare. One day we had a fight with my husband, it was a domestic quarrel after which he left for work. My husband was a military man, and he was on duty with a gun. That day he thought I would bring a lover home. So he came home at night to kill me. He said later that he only wanted to scare me. I put the baby to bed and my husband came in with a machine gun. He silently pointed it at me. I'm the kind of person that gets scared afterwards, after the situation. In the situation itself, I realized I needed to hug him. That, my paradoxical behavior, saved me. I hugged him and told him how much I loved him. He still had his gun at point-blank range. After a while, I was rescued by his coworker. who realized my husband had gone to the family with a gun. He took the gun away from him and took it out of the house. Then my husband pulled out a gun. And it happened again. I was able to talk him into leaving. And he said, "live," I'll kill the neighbors for you. And he left. I rushed to the baby, and I realized she was asleep. A short time later, I heard an automatic rifle line in the yard. It was very loud. I was angry - he would wake up the baby. This maternal strength allowed me to go out and, being wildly angry, chase him out of the yard with a gun. And that's it, a day later, "I'm screwed." It was a post-traumatic stress disorder that I had been carrying for years. And that's it, a day later, "I'm screwed." It was a post-traumatic stress disorder that I had been carrying for years. I had trouble socializing with men. Then I got over it. It was impossible for me to have relationships with men. I've been able to hang out with men who aren't aggressive at all. It turned out to be a guy 10 years younger than me. I didn't want a close relationship with him, it was unacceptable to me, even though he was an adult. But he wanted it and it worked out. Since then, I have never been able to learn how to socialize with male peers.

I have four goals that I want to achieve this new year:

1. to have a job that makes me happy and fulfilled
2. to find a theater company in nj that I can belong to.
3. to find a group of friends I can call my second family
4. the freedom to live the live I want to live

the last one is the most important to me.

I have lived with my parents for most of my life ever since I graduated from college. I have a boyfriend of 10 years, but I’m still not sure where I see us going to be honest not that I don’t love or care about him. It’s just I’ve never had a chance to live independently or have something of my own that was just for me. I feel really guilty about it. I feel selfish but I want to have a life of my own. The other wishes correspond with the most important one if I could have these wishes come true that would be a gift more precious than any kind of gold. How can I make these wishes happen?

Hello, I have Bipolar Disorder since around 10 years ago. This led me through the years to several mood swings from being so much focused and super productive not even going to toilet, to slow period where my productivity decrease.

Since the last 2 months I started to manifest ADHD symptoms, and my productivity not just decreased, but stopped completely.

Basically I cannot focus on my project not even for 5 minutes. 

I'm spending the days either in bed or on the sofa, walking constantly to the fridge or the kitchen even for just a glass a water. 

My thoughts process goes incredibly fast moving from one thing to another without allowing me to focus. And this lead to procrastination: scrolling on social or spending time on Wikipedia for not usefull things.

And the project is just over there waiting for me to sit there at the laptop and completing it. It's not even that difficult.

But I keep saying to myself: I'll do it after breakfast. Then I'll do it after lunch. Then I'll do it after dinner. Then I'll do it the next morning. And it is a rinse and repeat.

And this make me incredibly anxious and nervous, and it is like a vortex, more I think about it, more I don't do it, more I postpone it, more I get stressed.

And actually I think I know the course of this situation. It's the situation in my family that cause it. I'm not comfortable at home.

So I decided to post it here to see if there is somebody to match. Somebody also with ADHD who is blocked on a project, with the goal to exchange some messages via this forum during the day, to support and motivate each other, to see if while checking on each other we can both move forward with our project.

🙏❤️