I’ve worked in a jewelry shop for half a year, and I’ve never imagined it could be unsafe! I like my workplace. It’s close to home, and it pays my rent. Most of our customers are women or couples, and my only focus all this time was to meet our sales goals for the month. I work with three other girls in shifts, all of them very young, 20 to 25. I’m 23, but I can easily be given 18, as I’m short and skinny. We were trained before about what to say, how to act and smile…

Yesterday it was my shift with one of the girls when this man came in. My colleague had another customer, so I went up to give my usual casual offer of help. It was obvious that the man was drunk, but he was well dressed and his first several questions were about our products. He was looking for a necklace, and he was pointing at the most expensive ones. I’m always a bit nervous when I show expensive pieces, we were taught how to show them so that it’s hard for customers to steal… So I do as I’ve been taught, and all the while the drunk man mumbles about needing to find a good enough gift for his wife, who has apparently found out about his lover. I was told never to react in any way to personal client’s information, and that’s what I did. Maybe I was too preoccupied with the products, maybe it showed on my face, I don’t know, but the man suddenly says, “What, you think that bitch did it on purpose? Yeah, yeah, she’s about your age…” I assume he was talking about his lover, and though it’s very unpleasant to be called names, I don’t react and keep looking at my colleague who is free by now to come and help me. But she just stands in the corner with a blank face. The man suddenly demands that I wear the necklace he has chosen because “he can’t choose between the two” and he “dreams to see it on my neck”. I was pretty freaked out at that moment, but I still tried to do my job and answered that it would be better if he invited his lady to our shop to see it on her. The man turned to my colleague and shouted if she thought it would be appropriate for me to try those on, and, to my horror, she nodded and came up to help me with the necklaces!!! All the while, I had to listen about how young and delicious we both were and that he’d ask us out if we gave him our phone numbers… The freaking man did buy one necklace in the end, it took another 10 minutes before he left, and I had to endure his jokes about my little glowing face while I had to pack his gift, and my colleague just left for other customers… I was so red in the face that I had to leave my workplace for 15 minutes to get my thoughts together. I wanted to scream at the girl I’m working with, but I can’t do it in front of customers and cameras!!! I told her all I thought about her behavior when I had a chance, but she only said it was my job to sell products and that the man came up to me in the first place because I was flirting with him – but that’s untrue! When I told this to my parents they both said leave the shop! I have my shift tomorrow again with another girl, and I don’t know what to do???

In honor of my wedding anniversary, I want to write my story. I have two children and a happy marriage. I want to tell all the "beauties" who "lose weight" - I'm fat!!!! I've always been fat! But I'm happy! I have a good education and a job. My husband is the boss at my work, he is very smart. It didn't work out for me right away. Before marriage, I dated a handsome young man. I happened to get pregnant and he was afraid of the responsibility. I gave birth to a child.... raised him alone, with help from my parents. The child was disabled, he had problems with his legs. my parents played a huge role in supporting me. I treated my child and he got back on his feet...I studied at the same time. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to get married. And then I met him. My future husband. He amazed me with his erudition and reading. He was a kind, intelligent and honest guy. In his life he was neglected by women-he had a neurological disease and limped. He thinks I'm the most beautiful. We had another child, he is healthy. My husband is the head of the state institution where I work. We're doing great! I wrote this in support of all the "fat" girls and guys who are neglected by women.

i don't know if i would do it one day, but just in case i need to write about the reasons i had to leave it's here.

it's gonna be long so not forcing anyone to read it's some notes for me first.

i'm a person who has creativity in lot of fields but i always lacked confidence to show what i can do, not saying i'm amazingly good but just pursuing my dreams is hard due to my fragile mind. tho the moment i started to believe in myself, i didn't have the shield to protect me from some people that can really destroy you by pure envy.

it would look like i'm blaming everything on others but actually if i never met them, or if i was less naive, my life would have been successful i'm really sure of that, and i'm never sure about anything.

everything started in 2017 when i met 3 abusive persons in a row. yes i use this word because it really affected my health and they are the reason of my s* thoughts.

the first one was a narcissist, i discovered this word with them, and had my first panic attacks since i let them try to step on me when i started being successful.

the second one was actually the person who was using me as a shield against the first person and i didn't realize, when she didn't need me anymore i discovered how vicious she was, she only cared for favors, when i wanted to stop friendship she harassed me online over a year. it caused me my depression i'm still stuck in and self harming.

i met the 3rd one during the harassement, i told her everything about my experience, and yet she was reproducing my fears, what was harder to let go it's because i thought we were sharing a special friend bond, but it was just mimicking, because the moment i said stop to the abuse, she reacted as if i always had been the issue and stole my trauma to lie online, i started to take antidepressants to avoid k*lling myself, she was definitely the worst.

idk what i'm doing wrong for repeating the cycle.

after this abuse tho luck started to show up, because i was focusing my work on me and not giving it to my abusers, so after hard work on creative fields i've been noticed for amazing opportunities, i started to grow in popularity, and i felt i was healing, but guess what, i have been suddenly harassed by jealous fans who spread lies on me, exactly the same kind as my abusers, crazy it's always by sabotage i'm losing. i lost absolutely everything after that because i had to close my business and i'm not contacted anymore despite the receipts of truth. i'm lucky most people defended me because they saw the reality but yet my chance had been robbed. i fell again in this dark place. and since that i don't know what to do

but then i notice i barely been respected my whole life so i'm really a dumbass.

first i've been conditioned by my emotionally immature mom, i only noticed after the depression that her behavior wasn't normal and maybe it's was coerced me into accepting disrespect. she never respects boundaries and don't take accountability, so since a young age i learned to apologize/adapt to others need. my sister is a cool person but i feel i don't really matter to her if it's not to serve some needs, like for example when i propose something to my family i get ignored unlike other members.

when i was in kindergarten, probably due to racism, i was excluded, bullied, but since they were a bigger group than me alone, professors never believed me. it never traumatized me but it definitely taught me to shut myself down.

in middle and high school i was around girls that only cared about superficiality, if you weren't doing everything that everyone else did you were not cool, so they treated me like i was less because i was true to myself, evicting me, never listening to me, and stopped inviting me the day 3 guys stole my phone, but i wasn't that sad because i knew they weren't real friends.

i met real friends at the adult age, because actually, it might sounds unserious but people that develops a frontal lobe got emotional intelligence and won't treat others in a way they wouldn't like.

people that met me always say they adore me but... when you adore a person are you not supposed to respect them and not use them? is the world selfish or am i not acting as i should?

but i feel i still let myself be a doormat to some people that are not "bad", like i notice with some friends of mine how the convo always revolves around them and i don't get the same interest when it's my turn, then i blame myself because it's probably because i made them think it has to be like that, but at the same time i have other friends who don't take advantage like that so why???

or some people asking me free favors because i never say no? like even tho it's my fault for no having boundaries, don't you have morals? some people copying my creations, others never letting me choose, it goes by little things like that i'm liked because i'm convenient, i bring to others, not for me.

i'm also tired of communicating my needs because it never changes, i'm tired i don't wanna fight for me, to be honest it's like i wait either for a miracle either to be hit by a bus i don't care i don't believe in anything anymore.

tomorrow it's my bday and it's the first time i chose to celebrate my day just by myself, because experiences showed me i deserved that. i never been honored the right way, either friendgroup forgetting, my mom ruining the event by not behaving well to others, having to make my day about other people ego centered choices etc.

what makes me sad is that i lost near 20years being stepped on, i don't belive i can win now. i have dreams but i can't because depression is sucking all my energy, it's making me have fears, it makes me be less in shape to be ready for efforts etc.

i wonder do i suck this much to have this life? is there an explanation?

I read a post on this site about a guy having a lot of girls...oooh! how I want to warn him with my situation...and at the same time ask for advice..... I like girls, and girls like me) and it's a pity to "miss my chance". All the more so because girls "go into my arms". I don't do much and do not do anything...everyone gets acquainted and invites me to visit...And I started to "recruit" my circle of girls...like the guy in the post below (Hi, fellow misfortune). At first I was just excited...I could go to different girls' houses on different days...awesome!!!! At first I was just excited...I could go on different days, go visit different girls...awesome!!!! Then I added more girls to my list... I wanted them to be all different types, ages. I lied to everyone. Shamelessly. After that, I had to make a calendar of visits, because the girls started to take offense that I wasn't around much. It was no longer a pleasure, but a "must".There were over 10 in total and I decided to make several groups : for frequent and non-private communication. Things got better. By this point I realized how hard it is with people when there are a lot of them! Girls were also writing a lot, and I didn't have time to answer them. And they took offense. So I spent a week on correspondence. Then I felt like a "copywriter" and gave it up. As a successful manager who had already bragged to everyone that there were "tons of girls", I couldn't "give up my position". I made an agreement with my sister (who is also a girl) to answer to "my brigade" while I was busy. I promised my sister chocolate and the rest of the joys of food. The first week everything was great!!! sister coped...But there were minuses - I did not know the nuances of correspondence (no time to read it was) and hard piercing...girls began to think that I have a bad memory...began to write more often...sister asked for more "payment". And here also gifts should be given at least sometimes to girls...and went to my expenses. Then came more problems - girls started to get used to me and started to miss me and want to see me more often. Some of them thought that I was their property and demanded an account of where I was and with whom. I decided to "fire" them. But that was not the case. One of them started following me around. That's when my "failures" started. Somehow, the "fired girl" guessed that there was another one ("ha-ha just one," I thought). Then I didn't realize how it came out, but within a month that girl had "outed" almost my entire women's brigade. They formed a group and started to become "friends", discussing when and with whom I was with, as well as what and to whom I lied. I didn't know and behaved as usual. At that stage, the girls were "competing" to see who I would choose. Then they argued and chaos ensued...I experienced it very painfully. every "throwing tantrums" and being jealous and stalking me. It was impossible to give them up. I "sold" a few of them to my buddies. Tired and depressed, I had a fight with my sister and she joined their "camp". I am ashamed to write about my defeat. But I stayed with one girl, who did not fight with anyone, wrote to me rarely, and was carried away by her career. I'm so devastated, I'm ashamed, and I don't know what I've been doing wrong, where I've been leading women wrong.....