I hate conflicts and usually try avoiding them at all costs. My therapist told me it leads to my emotional burnout and doesn’t allow me to grow. In your situation, I guess that talking to that woman directly may not produce the results you want. So I’ll dare to advise you to handle this conflict and arrange a small meeting with someone who is superior to you both. Explain that the office gossip makes you feel uncomfortable and that you’d like to resolve any communication issues. Hopefully, the third-party mediator will be enough authority for your colleague to stop acting the way she does.
I’d act as if I didn’t know anything. Continue to do your job and be professional. Gossiping with other co-workers makes that woman seem disrespectful, and if you take part in any of it, you’ll play into her hands. You aren’t supposed to be a friend to all your teammates. They don’t even have to like you. As long as you’re good at what you’re doing (your promotion proves it) personal opinions should not bother you.
It’s easy for anyone to call you rude or aggressive, but without any proof, it’s her word against yours. You need to be absolutely sure she is spreading false accusations against you. Did you find it out from another colleague? Ask them if they don’t mind you taking this to your boss. They’ll back you up when the time to talk comes. Then go to your boss and tell them this situation negatively affects your ability to work with others and your mental health. Personal relationships should not affect work, so you have every right to worry about it, and your concerns will sound reasonable.
@antuanetta07 I agree with you on the whole, but I work in a relatively small company where reputation plays some part for any further promotions. If I’m right, and several other women are avoiding me now because of her, I need to do something to make it stop.
@call me Rebecca I found it out by chance. I accidentally overheard two women talking, they went silent the moment they noticed me. I know one of them, she works on my team, but I can’t imagine myself approaching her with such a personal question and also making an impression of an eavesdropper. I’m inclined to talk to my supervisor about it, but I’m nervous about what to say. The colleague I’ve had a conflict with has been working in this company much longer than me. She’s “old team”, and even though I’m not the only one who is not impressed with her work, she’s on good terms with more people than I am.
@mattbrooks Don’t be nervous. This interaction will be positive, because you will be very diplomatic and will demonstrate your good will and your willingness to sort this conflict once and for all. If I were your boss, and you came to me with this question, I would respect you for seeking guidance and for being a better person. Just do your best to talk about your colleague in a most amiable way.
@Veena Choudhary I was thinking I could start eating lunch with my team. Usually I eat half an hour later, exactly because I dislike networking and being among people when I eat. I like to use this time to revise my plan for the day and think strategically in peace. But now that my reputation is at stake, I feel pressured to become more social and fake it until I make it :(
I can understand the anxiousness and feeling of being hurt. what a tough situation to be in. you worked hard and have got promoted but because of one person your reputation is being harmed.
it is important to remain positive and to focus on things that you can control. Taking proactive steps to improve your reputation can help to shift the focus away from gossip and on to positive aspects of your life.