Everyone talks about the loneliness that comes with being single but never the loneliness that comes with bettering yourself. I’ve been in therapy and support workshops for 2 years, doing self-help exercises and practicing self care for just as long, and so much more. I stopped self-harming, chose sobriety, started eating healthier, keep myself hydrated, picked up boxing, and really began pursuing my passions more adamantly.
Post escaping an abusive relationship and taking legal action against my assailant, it opened my eyes to how unappreciative I was of life and that I took everything for granted because I assumed it would always be there. Near end 2022 whooped my ass, but spending the rest of that year actively seeking professional help for myself was the best choice made because today I’m so grateful for everything, especially the little things.
The only setback is, it’s lonely. I want to better myself, for myself before others, but finding like minded people is difficult. Not everyone is ready to confront their traumas and do the work to heal themselves, and that’s okay, but it makes socialising unbearable. I understand that receiving professional help is also a privilege, but where I’m at in my journey, I only want to associate with others travelling the road to recovery.
I don’t want any relation- or friendship built off trauma bonds or people trauma dumping on each other. I don’t want to be around people who gossip, anyone dealing with extreme insecurities or projection issues, people with victim mentalities or superiority complexes. I just want to find a mutually supportive connection where we can learn from and educate one another. I’d like to befriend someone who’s just as open-minded, knowledge-seeking, courageous and driven.
It sucks because sometimes, there are people who’ll purposefully attempt to sabotage you because they don’t like the light you have. They don’t like that you’re bettering yourself because they lack the courage to better themselves and project that onto to you. I’ve experienced it firsthand and everything in between which really has me cool off socialising and encouraged me to be more career-focused.
I don’t have a problem with being alone; I’m an introvert and prefer to hold space with myself. I also don’t mind feeling isolated half the time. Sometimes it’s been to be alone and isolated, but every now and then I wish I had someone I could call a friend.
