From all that you’ve written, ending all contact with your fiancé’s toxic family would be a very wise decision. Just the idea of having your kids taken from you is a huge red flag. If they don’t like you, then they should not be allowed to see your children. You say that you depend on them for transport and housing, which of course complicates the situation, but you can start making plans on how to change it. Once you’re free and financially independent, it’ll be so much easier for you to set boundaries and not stress out about your mother-in-law or any other "relatives”.
I sincerely wish you the best.
Is your man sticking up for you? As far as I understand, he’s the father of your kids? You are a team and should solve this together. I don't really know how you should proceed, but I think it’s either your man stands up for you or you’ll have to accept you’re alone in this, and in that case you should ask yourself if you want such a family and all these problems for life?
Remember, you have tried and it didn’t help. That’s all you can do. Just stop caring so much and stop trying to be good. You’ll never be good enough. Don’t try to impress anyone. You can’t let anyone, even your partner’s family, walk all over you in order to be worthy of their attention or kind words. You need to look at how these people treat you and ask yourself, "Is a relationship with them worth accepting such behavior?" The fact that someone doesn’t like you is their problem, not yours. You’re great! And so are your kids. You have other people in your life who show you love and respect (your own family and friends). You’d better spend your energy on yourself and making yourself happy. If your relationship with your partner is strong and mature, it will last despite the dislike of his family. I suppose couple therapy may help you both when it becomes possible. Sometimes just seeing your own issue from someone else’s perspective makes it easier to tackle it and develop new coping skills.
I’m always cautious about advising people to cut ties, leave it all, etc. This can always be done if nothing else works. If the problem is something that can be fixed by either party, then I'd work on it. Otherwise, I'd keep my distance. The first step you can take is to talk to your partner about your mental well-being. You can’t continue exposing yourself to abuse. Even if it doesn’t get easier, at least you’ll be more at peace when you acknowledge that it’s not about you. I hope things go the way you want them to!
Unfortunately, you can't force people to like or accept you. Even if you spend years trying to get your future husband’s family to like you, you might realize things will be the same regardless of what you do. Do you even need them in your life? What positive value do they add? In my opinion, your first priority should be disengaging from all the family members who cause you anguish and stress. If it means finding new sources of income, then do it.
I’m very, very sorry to say this, but, from my own experience, this is always going to be your relationship with your fiancé’s family. It’ll forever be drama and a lack of support. So the question is not what you should be doing. The question is, what is your fiancé ready to do about it? Can he give you all the support you and your children need, regardless of what his mother says? How he handles them now is a clue to how your future will look when he’s out. If his family is dictating now, they will always make all the decisions in the future. It’s time to discuss what you are both willing to do in this situation.
I hear you. I literally hate my partner’s parents. They are terrible people. I decided to severely limit my interactions with them and I’m currently convincing my partner to move away for some time, so that this complicated family situation does not negatively affect our relationships. I’m glad we don’t have kids yet, it would be even harder. I wish you lots of patience and wisdom. Take care of yourself and your little ones ❤️
Never let anyone mistreat you and protect your kids. Such atmosphere of hatered and disrespect may have long term psychological effects on them. Trust me, at the end of the day it just is not worth it.
If you continue this relationship despite all the issues, prepare yourself that it may not work out the way you hoped it would, and definitely think of a plan B.
@Eleine Pardon my jumping in, just an observation: hating your in-laws does more psychological harm to yourself than to them. Hatred is a choice, and since you can’t possibly cut your partner’s family out of your life, just try and choose not to hate them. For yourself, not for them.
As some have already said, you won’t fix this. All you can do is mitigate the pain these family members may cause your children in the future. I get that right now it’s out of the question to go completely no contact with them, but for your own peace, do your best to reach the point when you _can_ do that. You don't owe anyone anything at the cost of your mental and emotional health. Best of luck, I hope it all works out in the end...
If you don't like your inlaws and they are creating recurrent problem in your life , it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed to fail. You can do lot of things while respecting your partner's relationship with family but keeping in mind your physical and mental exhaustion. There is no rule that in order to be in a happy relationship you have to like your inlaws. You just need to figure out how to deal with them.
You can also try following tips to make a decision:
before taking any decision do even consider your kids mental well being in mind. You cant change your in-laws but important thing is you have tried to make things better atleast from your end. If it doesn't work then look at the fact that this is the way things are and move on.