Post
lo
lokkwood
1y ago

Wife sabotages my mental health

My struggle with mental health issues began at age 24 and has never ended since. I was originally diagnosed with SAD and severe depression, later bipolar I was added to the mix. I lived through crippling episodes of mania. Anyone who says bipolar is not a disability has no idea what they’re talking about. The way you feel after an episode is grueling. You just lie in bed and wait for the day to be over. I thought it’d be a miracle if I lasted five more years like that. I was sure no one would ever be with me, I couldn’t bring anything to the table. But I survived, and got married, had a son. I’ve changed medications many times, until I found a combo that’s working for me. Some drugs were not only useless but dangerous: they triggered mania. Others just didn’t do anything. I take a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant (this one took a lot of trial and error), visit a therapist once every two weeks, and I’m in the best place mentally that I’ve ever been. I no longer want to harm anyone, I’m not a shell of myself. I can work full-time – that’s the best part. The problem is my wife. She became interested in holistic medicine, and she drives me crazy. It’s not enough that she has changed our diet to eat “healthy foods”. She stopped giving our son vitamins because they’re “synthetic” and apparently harmful. Now she nags me daily about the article from several years ago that debunks the theory that bipolar and depression are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. She found it in an alternative medicine blog that breaks down a pretty old medical paper. My therapist said the article is total garbage; it oversimplifies the facts and is aimed at the general public. The only idea my wife absorbed was that it’s a huge conspiracy theory that made millions of people start taking antidepressants and other serotonin-balancing drugs. She wants me to stop taking them completely, arguing that I’m “healed” and my mood swings are very rare. The thing she doesn’t get is I am the way I am *because* of my drugs. She keeps sending me other suspicious sources claiming that chemical imbalances are not real, and she no longer accepts that mental health issues are incredibly nuanced. She pinned a list of all the products that are supposed to increase serotonin production to our fridge and says that if I believe in this scientific theory so much I can replace pills with eating more of such products. I don’t mind eating more dark chocolate, honestly, it just makes me sad she can’t support me. It’s like she wants to ruin all the progress I’ve made. I feel like I have no one to turn to, and my therapist is just angry at my wife. How do I get her to support me in this?

Specialist answer
Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

Hello,


So -called natural rememdies for depression aren't a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment ,antidep medicines. Natural doesnt always mean safe. However for some it works but more studies are needed to determine which are most likely to help and what side effects they might cause. If your wife is not convinced with the therapist ask her if she is open to try new therapist and take atleast 2-3 opinions. It's risky to just stop the medicines. it leads to withdrawal effects and lot of complications. Based on the research these holistic medicines are always are used in addition to mainstream medicines.Without guidance of your doctor such holistic medicines carry heavy risk.

Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

You cant take herbs without asking your Psychiatrist. As she will be the right person to decide with antidep what can be taken along. Sometimes it can cause adverse effects. so do consult before taking anything.

Ma
Margarita
1y

I’ve been there! Not everyone is educated about mental illnesses. To tell the truth, I didn’t know much about any of it myself. Don’t be upset and stand firm on keeping it as is. Your wife sends you some links, answer back with even more scientific evidence. She can’t expect to win an argument if she doesn’t want to listen to the other side. You may fake your doubts and ask her to study different opinions on the matter. The goal is to make her read materials that contradict her beliefs. You need to challenge her. I know it’s not easy to remain calm, I hate family quarrels. Hope your wife changes her mind.

Ra
RadicalTruthAD
1y

As your wife is not a doctor, her questioning your medical care is harmful and shortsighted. While she may be somewhat right about the chemical imbalance theory, she must also take into account that medications have proven to be effective in alleviating symptoms of bipolar disorder. No one really knows up to this day what causes depression or bipolar. If any of those holistic doctors knew it, they’d get a Nobel Prize.

Gr
Greendays
1y

I stumbled upon your post, and want to offer my encouragement. This may happen with friends and relatives. No one who hasn’t been in your shoes can fully realize what it’s like. No matter how hard they try. I know you’re feeling you don’t get enough emotional support, and that’s tough, but you know how far you’ve come, which is the only fact that matters.

Prioritize your well-being and your treatment. You’re an adult and can set some boundaries to how much your spouse decides in your life. I’m sure she should understand that it’s your body, and only you are entitled to choose what’s best for you.

ni
nietzsche
1y

Medication is the only effective way to control bipolar. Does your wife want you to go off the rails? Let her read about bipolar. All the dirty details. Sorry for being harsh but I think she needs to keep her opinions to herself.

hu
hunted and two faced
1y

We know by now that serotonin may not be the key factor behind depression – that’s probably what that article stated. What it most likely omitted is that modern ADs make complex changes in your brain, they don’t only regulate serotonin levels. They can reduce oxidative stress and increase neuroplasticity. The underlying systems are way more intricate.

Bl
Bladerunner
1y

Whatever your wife says, please do not stop taking your meds. Do it discretely if necessary. Maybe the medication doesn’t work the way marketing specialists are advertising it, but there’s no doubt that it works and helps countless people lead normal lives. Your wife will come around, don’t worry.

lo
lokkwood
1y
Author

@hunted and two faced I know that! My therapist commented on that article and on the actual medical paper. She said that multiple clinical trials proved the benefits of SSRIs for all people with depression diagnoses. It’s only the exact role of serotonin that’s being discussed among scientists now: whether it’s the root cause or not (probably not). I know it all, yet whenever I talk to my wife about it she goes blank. She says my therapist is getting paid for prescribing me meds which is ridiculous, she wasn’t the one who prescribed them.

ta
tai05xo
1y

Just because serotonin fixes your mood doesn’t mean your bad mood was caused by the lack of it in your body. So your wife’s suggestion to eat products that help our stomach produce more serotonin are wrong on all levels. That’s not what your medications are doing.

lo
lokkwood
1y
Author

@nietzsche No offense taken, but your advice isn’t helpful. I don’t want her to go down the rabbit hole and read about bipolar in detail. Next she might find out there might be a genetic link to it and start worrying about our son (who, thank heavens, is a healthy and happy boy). I expected she would trust my therapist, even organized an extra session for them to meet. She was not impressed, and my therapist was a bit impatient when it came to discussing alternative treatments. So the trick didn’t work. Now they totally distrust each other, and I’m caught in between.

lo
lokkwood
1y
Author

@Bladerunner It will be really sad if I have to lie to her and hide my meds. I don’t want to live in a lie. I have no intention to stop following my prescriptions, what I need is some ideas how to convince my wife.

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