Hi, i'm j. Maybe i'm crazy, I do not know what im doing here, i can not afford psychologist, so I searched for free therapy and here I am. I'm tired, first of all I'm gay, living in lebanon, my parents are so religious, I believe that being gay is haram in our religion, so there is always this feeling that I'm making a sin, that I am getting away from God, I'm losing my personality, I dated a guy who drinks alcohol a lot, so I started drinking, and that is haram too, I can not stop it, i like guys, and i love god, and those two can not be together and I can not get rid of any of them. 2nd of all, i feel like there is something living inside me for example i say" i'm thirsty" then i say me too, i say "i'm hungry" then i say yes lets eat im hungry too, i always feel like there is someone watch me, i go to the mirror fix my hair, and act normal as if someone is watching me, i am scared, i am tired, i feel like the thing inside me wants me to fail University, i try to study but he wants to use the phone, i got angry, my heart hurts me to stop using the phone and i can not, wtf is this. And my biggest problem is that i am poor, I am literally poor, I have a very small car, it always stops working and I call for someone to pick me up, i am 23, i am selling all my stuff because my father is the worst person, he always tell me, u didn't help me picking the olives ( he is a farmer) so why are u eating from them, while i am eating, i always sleep hungry, u will say i am 23 why i am not working, that is because i always have heart pain when i work, i can not get out of the house, whenever i got out, i feel a weird feeling, i am studying now a full stack course, i hope this works, i am tired. I do not know if someone will read this, my english is bad
Why do you think that's happening? And how can I help?
I totally get what you're going through. I was in a similar place last year, and it felt like everything was falling apart.
First, take a deep breath - it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes. Have you tried talking to a counselor or therapist? They can really help put things in perspective. When I was struggling, I started keeping a journal to track my emotions, and it helped me understand my triggers better. Remember that it's okay to take some space from people when you need it. Your feelings are valid, and you shouldn't force yourself to interact if you're not in the right headspace.
What helped me was setting small, achievable goals each day. Even something as simple as making your bed can give you a sense of accomplishment.
just wanted to say that I understand what you're going through. Sometimes life feels like it's working against us, and that's really tough. Don't blame yourself for feeling this way - emotions are complex, and it's okay to struggle sometimes. Take your time to process everything.
@Roy Ramirez I'm like growe I blame everything one myself. I hate that but I really do. I don't know just how to stop. this sucks so much
@Roy Ramirez omg yes exactly!! its like my brain is constantly on replay mode showing me everything i did wrong. and the thing is i know its not healthy but i cant stop. when my roommate makes mistakes i always tell her its no big deal but when its me its like the end of the world or something.
@Roy Ramirez omg the declined card thing happened to me too!! its literally the worst feeling ever like you want the ground to swallow you up right there!! sometimes i catch myself analyzing stuff from like years ago?? like ill suddenly remember something awkward i said at a party in 2019 and ill be like why did i say that?? and then ill spend hours thinking about how everyone must have thought i was so weird. its actually kind of funny when you think about it like that. like we're basically time traveling just to cringe at ourselves.
@sarah.j I totally get what you mean about self-blame. I find myself lying awake at night, replaying all these moments where I think I messed up. most people probably don't even remember those moments, but here I am, turning them over and over in my mind. Like yesterday, I completely blanked during a presentation, and I've been beating myself up about it since. When my friend made a similar mistake last week, I didn't think anything of it. It's strange how we're so much harder on ourselves than we are on others.
@sarah.j I was trying to pay for coffee and my card got declined (turns out my bank was doing some security update thing), and I felt like everyone in line was judging me. I kept thinking about it for days, even though realistically, those people probably forgot about it the moment they left the coffee shop. It's fascinating how our minds work, we're the stars of our own reality show where every little mistake gets a slow-motion replay with dramatic background music
I feel you so much on this! When I was going through something similar, I felt like I was stuck in quicksand - the more I tried to fix things, the worse they seemed to get.
stop beating yourself up. It's not your fault that you're feeling this way. our brains just get stuck in negative thought patterns, and it's super hard to break free.
i started seeing a therapist last year, and while it wasn't an instant fix, it helped me understand myself better.
Try to remember that the people who care about you might be awkward in showing it, but their intentions are probably good. When I was at my lowest, I started doing tiny things for myself - like having a favorite tea in the morning or taking a short walk. It sounds simple, but it helped.
Your feelings about being annoyed and irritated are totally valid when we're struggling, every interaction feels overwhelming.
Listen, you're doing the best you can and that's already so good!
Honey, I wish I COULD HUG YOU RIGHT NOW and tell you everything's gonna be alright. It's just a difficult period of your life, it's not the end of the road.
I KNOW! This words can sound childish, but they are true, and there come from a place of heart and care. Hope you're doing better today than you first made the post!