TL;DR a close friend borrowed money from me and won’t give it back. I asked him to return it, and now I’m the bad guy.

Hey all,

A friend of mine asked me for a large sum of money ($3,000) in 2020. I’ve known him for all my life, our fathers went to college together. He is literally a friend of my family. Back then he was in a tight spot; he’d lost a job and couldn’t find a new one, was two months overdue with his rent, and his girlfriend was pregnant. To tell the truth, I was reluctant to loan him the money, it’s like I felt something like this was going to happen. Eventually, I consulted my wife, and we decided we could afford it. She was on maternity leave taking care of our newborn, but my career had taken off and I did have that extra money in my bank. I told my friend to get his things in order and pay me back when he could. Fast-forward three years, and my friend has paid me back only $500. Meanwhile, he has found a new, well-paid job (we both work in financial services) and bought a small house. Ironically, he’d split up with his girlfriend. She was one of the reasons why my wife was so positive about landing him our money… We kept communicating over these years, and last year I finally asked him about the borrowed money. It was during a family party, perhaps not the right time I agree. Anyway, he just ignored me. A few weeks later I decided it was the right time to remind him, and I emailed him. No answer. Finally, I grew weary of this whole situation and confronted him at another family party a fortnight ago. It didn’t end well. My friend, who mind you was absolutely sober at the moment, said right to my face that I was an a**hole and that it was an insignificant sum of money, so why did I keep going about it. The thing is he’d promised to pay me back, and I reminded him about it. He left our house minutes later without saying goodbye. And I was so pissed I told my dad. I presume he told my friend’s father afterwards. Long story short, my friend phoned me and called me names for telling our family members, said he’d pay me back later, that he owned much larger sums of money to other people because of his property purchase, and that I showed my true colors, etc. I know that it’s true he owns a lot of money, my father told me. Perhaps if I’d known it, I wouldn’t have confronted him. We’re doing fine financially and I don’t need this money right away. However, I’m still angry he feels okay to back out of a promise like that and make me a bad person, when it was I who had helped him when he had nothing. Am I wrong? I mean, it’s been almost four years. What are the chances of him giving the money back to me? My father told me to cut him some slack. I’m afraid he’ll settle it between himself and my friend’s father in the end. If this happens, I know my friend will never talk to me again. It’s the first time something like this has happened to me…

lately I've started to realize that I'm not cut out for my chosen profession. I worked as a webcam for a few years. And it was dragging me down...I was splitting in my roles on camera and almost suicidal. Then I decided to follow my friend and started working in the industry full-time. But it was difficult for me to obey my manager, and I often fought with him. What right does he have to yell at me and to take money from me? I learned many nuances of this dirty profession, and my personality was so split that I lost myself. I don't know who I am. I play roles for men, and that's what I do for a living. And I live in a fog created by alcohol and my bifurcation. You'd be surprised, but I like to read books. It's probably a little piece of my healthy part...And I cry and yell at myself when I can't stand up for myself. Yes, members of my profession have the right to say no, too. And when I can't do it, I cut my veins for not protecting myself...Sometimes, when I get dizzy, I lie face down in my pillow and I think that my soul has already been sold to hell...and I come back from oblivion...and I think that if I have self-love in my soul, there will be paradise.

I’m supposed to be the good one, but to hell with it! I hate my sister. I wish I could never see her again. My parents will always side with her, NO MATTER how hard I try to prove them that they’re delusional about her. She has just screamed at me for losing her car keys, while she’s been having them all along. And dad blamed me for being reckless. The keys were found, and I’m not getting an apology!

I’m 5 years older, and it’s always been do this and do that for me, while my little pampered sissy sat on her ass and ratted me out all the time. She always makes everything to be my fault, and parents NEVER question it, never even doubted their little princess. I’m always the troublemaker, and she’s a fucking saint. She was allowed to enjoy her childhood while I had two part-time jobs in high school, and yet I was the irresponsible one! My parents bought her a new car on her 17th birthday, while I’m still paying off my car loan with the help of my boyfriend. Dad pays all my sister’s bills up to this day, even though she is of age. I wouldn’t even dream to ask for money, I think it’s shameful. And they’re paying for her college – the one she chose, to become a bloody doctor. I was never given a chance to choose what I wanted. I can’t stand living in one house with her and seeing her fat face every day. I’m counting the days till February 2nd when I’ll be moving out to an apartment with my bf. Even though she knows I’ll be leaving soon, she still tries to make my life miserable. She takes my things all the time, without permission, and “forgets” to return them. She copycats all my ideas. I wanted to buy parents a new robot vacuum cleaner since their old one is dead. I suggested we buy it together and split the cost. She said she had other things in mind. The day before Christmas, she told me she hadn’t bought anything and begged me to give the vc from us both. In the end, she made it look like it was her idea and her gift! I’m done being honest with her! She uses everything I say against me and lies to people about me. She told my boyfriend I was childfree when he was at our house last month. He also said she was flirting with him behind my back. She always tried to do this with my friends at school too sucking up to them, then telling stories about me… She doesn’t even realize that other people see right through her lies. Not everyone is as blind as my parents! I suppose they’ll always let her have her way. But I’m done. I hope she never changes and keeps being her narcissistic little self, and no one will love her, except my parents. She deserves to be alone and suffering!

I want to share my weird feelings. I've been working a lot lately, and I'm just tired. And during the period when I already felt tired, I couldn't rest. I was constantly getting calls from work, asking for something...I owed something..... I was worried all the time. I wanted to get the anxiety out of my chest. But it wouldn't go away. At some point I "floated" and did everything automatically. Then I started to feel like I was in a fog. I just floated, and managed to be in the "working moment" for periods of time. The feeling of "fog" bothered me, but it was not relieved by anything. I drank coffee, it didn't help. Some days I started to feel "split", no, "broken into many pieces". One of the pieces was "me," another was "the strict man," and there were other pieces that I didn't know, new pieces that clearly felt like strangers. I carefully tried to look adequate at work. But I started to feel like I was being looked at the wrong way. I felt like they thought I was weird. I stopped feeling supported. I looked around at other people. It became difficult for me to concentrate on the documents. Which I complained to my friend about. She suggested a "drink of wine." She explained that it was a "cure for everything". I agreed out of desperation. We had a few drinks. My eyes started spinning. I tried to stop it. Then I felt like I was flying. It seemed to me that my body separated and flew somewhere...I traveled through planets and worlds. I don't remember a lot of things. I remember the face of the god who told me to come back. I woke up in the hospital, and I heard a lot of old things about myself. I think I'm going crazy... after my trip to the planets inside, I don't feel like myself anymore. How do I get myself back?