When you enter a spiritual program of recovery (ie sobriety, therapy, etc) it becomes increasingly easier to discern who hates themselves just by observing the way in which they interact with others, how they navigate conflict or how they speak. Recent statistics show that loneliness, depression and anxiety among the upcoming generation is at an all time and I can’t help but blame the unhealthy expectations society has surrounding relationships and what “self love” is.

Self love is more than physical acts of self care. Self love CAN be treating yourself to a pedicure, because it’s an act that feels good and is taking care of your body (in a way), but what about your mental and emotional health? Loving yourself entails so much more than spa days. It’s recognising your mental and emotional capacity to engage in certain things, it’s listening to your body and taking breaks when needed. It’s setting boundaries and asserting them if crossed. It’s giving yourself grace in moments you can’t remain grounded and understanding you’re a work in progress.

Social media has created the misconception that if you’re not spending stupendous amounts of money on physical acts of self care then it’s not self love, which is WRONG. Self love looks different for everyone but I know the general concept is to pour back into yourself.

For myself personally, self love is just that. Loving my mind, body, heart and soul. It’s keeping myself hydrated and getting 8hrs of rest every night. It’s walking away from anything that doesn’t have my best interest and being protective of my energy. It’s being kind to myself and others as I navigate life’s challenges. Acts of self care contribute to the love I have for myself, and they’re done through frugal means because I don’t feel the need to live outside my means.

A lot of this generation is obsessed with the idea of LOOKING rich in wealth when the REAL wealth is being mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually prosperous. By NO means is it easy to achieve when living in a materialistic world, but every day is a good day to start unlearning a lot of the misinformation we had instilled in us.

Everyone wants to experience a healthy relationship but refuse to do the work to achieve it. It’s challenging, it’s uncomfortable, and everything in between, but if you want better then you have to work toward becoming better. Resources are available and should be utilised if made accessible.

With me being a year almost 2 into therapy and support workshops, I’ve made notable exponential progress and I’m proud of myself for it. I understand everyone’s circumstances are differences and mine can’t account for theirs, but it’s about willpower and discipline. The support groups and other professional resources I’m receiving have helped make navigating tribulations easier, and developing better discernment, it’s protected me from universe knows what.

Being a knowledge-seeker and actively taking the time to unlearn a lot of the toxic things I was either taught, have done, or spewed puts me a step closer to being the version of myself I strive to become and I love it, but I hate how society continues to feed the upcoming generation bullshit that’s negatively impacting them.

I just want to share everything that helped me on my journey (fighting anxiety and depression), in the hope someone with similar issues will read this and get inspired.

I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression basically since school, but I first visited a therapist only when I was 34. I guess I reached that point in my life when it was “fight or die” stage. My anxiety was so severe I could barely leave my appartment let alone make it to a psychiatrist’s. I had to reschedule my first sessions and postponed them for almost 3 weeks, until my anxiety to get a rejection was higher than the horror of attending. People who have never been in my shoes do not understand that all the good and reasonable suggestions to eat healthy food, do exercises and sleep well are simply irrelevant when you can barely get out of bed. These things are definitely correct, but they won’t lift you up by themselves when your body is deficient of all the good things and your mind is reeling with thoughts “you’ll never get better”. I regret that I avoided medication and getting diagnosed for so long, just because I believed it was giving up. It’s right the opposite: when you’re a misfunctioning hopeless human being, you’re giving up! When you find the strengths to ask for help, you’re making steps towards healing. I’ve been taking medications ever since and see a psychologist regularly. I found a job that suits my needs, after a year of guilty procrastination. My social life has improved so much that I can actually meet new people and am making first tentative efforts to get back to good physical state.

Here’re some crucial changes that immensely helped me after I’ve started therapy:

* Hybrid work, which later turned to contract work. I’ve been stuck in that duality thniking that there’s either a full-time office job or no job, and nothing else can pay my bills. That’s such a ton of bullshit! A stressful job is your one-way ticket to burnout, panic attacks, and depression. You are not your job, don’t waste your health on it.

* Very strict diet. I don’t mean avoid junk food. I mean, forget about snacks, coffee, sugary stuff, and alcohol. I went gluten-free, and I believe it made a difference. This may sound like depriving yourself of the joys of food. Trust me, if you have problems with your gut (and 90% of people with mental health problems do), all your other attempts will get nowhere until you fix your gut. Everything is interconnected in the body.

* Forget about all social networks and all news outlets, except messengers (focused communication). The world is not your problem, until you solve your own problems.

* Nature and animals. Again, the first advice for people fighting social anxiety is to find friends, to socialize more... When your battery is super low, you won’t find the energy to connect with people. And they won’t have any idea what’s happening in your life, so social situations may only get you down and increase your feelings of anxiety and “loser moments”. I began my journey to inner harmony with reading books on human brain, depression and healthy habits. I have no beaches or mountains nearby, so I went out of my way to drive to the nearest wilderness every weekend. I had to make myself do it the first few times, but now it’s a habit, and it motivated me to start cycling. Most importantly, it helped me find my way to me, and stop worrying about lacking something, like relationships, etc.

To sum up, the journey out of complete darkness is dead hard. But everyone can do it, starting with professional help. Thanks for reading!

Most of my friends are having families while also making dazzling careers. It feels like everyone around me is handling stress so much better than I am. My friends are going through divorces, dealing with car accidents, losing loved ones, and they seem to just keep going. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm shutting down over average daily tasks. I can’t cope with life changes and I’m pathetic at being an adult.

With this recent promotion at work, the workload is overwhelming. I come home exhausted and with no energy to take care of my children. I want to be there for them, to enjoy my time with them, but I simply can't find the mental space to relax. If not for my parents and daycare, I don’t know what I’d be doing now. The stress from work follows me home. I notice that I’m constantly irritated and shouting at my children for no reason, just because of some email from work or another morning request that I know will require me getting up half an hour earlier.

I worry that I'm failing as a mother and as a professional. How can I be a good role model for my children when I can't even handle the simplest of stresses without feeling like I'm falling apart? I've tried meditation, deep breathing, and all those quick stress-relief techniques, but nothing seems to work consistently. I still have so much anxiety that my stomach makes me sick every other day. I know I should be grateful for this promotion and everything it offers (flexibility, paid time off, etc.), but all I feel is being pressured and inadequate.

Anyone having similar issues? I'm open to suggestions or insights.

2 years ago I was navigating life on autopilot. I was steering with no real sense of direction or genuine care. I was drinking myself to death for fun and was complicit in what could've been changed with hard work and effort. But it was unknowingly meeting and briefly dating a covert narcissist that encouraged me to re-evaluate myself and get my shit together.

He traumatised me so badly it un-traumatised me. I cut liquor cold turkey, sought out professional help, started volunteering, joined support workshops, picked up boxing and began actively exercising. Now, I'm 2 years sober and no longer surviving but actually LIVING. I'm alive, present and thriving. I'm still ironing out a few creases but I'm sincerely happy to have all that I do while still working for what I want.

Next to being 2 years sober, November 14th will make 5 years last I self harmed. Sobriety and professional help has saved my life, next to volunteering and cultivating a healthier support system for myself. My skin is clear, my scars are fading, and I overall feel as good as I can for the situations I’m tackling. These past 2 years have had their ups and downs but 2024 is one of the best years of my life.

I’ve reached many milestones, achieved personal goals, met awesome people, and so much more. I’m thankful for everything this year has brought me, good and bad. I know that 2025 will be even better and I’m excited to ensure that for myself.

That’s why I’m sending so much love and strength to anyone who’s struggling right now. Whether you’re battling addiction, health complications, familial issues, trauma or anything in between, I want you to know that it does get better and you’re not alone. I know things feel impossible in the moment but please give yourself grace and know that recovery isn’t linear.

Try not to compare yourself to others with support systems and acknowledge that your best is enough. Understand that not all of your hardships aren’t your fault. It’s hard I know and I’m certain you’re tired, but you’ll power through. I hope that the rest of this year and next is good to you. 🎈