I don't know what's going on. Hi everyone, I'm 18 and I'm a lesbian. When I was a kid I liked guys, but then around 13-14 when I found out that you can like girls, I felt like I liked them more...? (so I think I might have daddy issues or something like that, so. I used to kind of like guys, but I really like their attention to this day. Like, "I'm in a relationship with a girl, but if this guy gives me attention that would be cool! I like to be the center of attention!" I don't think I'm bi because I can't imagine having sex with a guy or being in a relationship. I feel comfortable to be with a girl and I would like to live my life with her, I like to get attention from a girl, kisses, etc... now let's get to the problem. when I realized that I am not hetero, in my country everything was more or less fine with same-sex relationships...how? nobody cared about it. I was in a long distance relationship with a girl for 2 years and I loved her and she kind of loved me too. as I realized after the breakup, our relationship was not healthy at all. She lied to me, she ignored me a lot, she seemed to love me but sometimes she could just get offended. she lied about everything, about being raped by a guy, about the people she was dating, she said her parents beat her up, etc. I was a fool and really believed it all (although I had my doubts and they were justified). eventually she started to ignore me a lot saying "that's it, we're breaking up". one time we had a political fight and she wanted to break up with me, but she kind of gave me a second chance. I didn't know she was seeing someone else at the time...as time went on, I experienced the same insults from her friends. And when I said, "Don't hang out with that person, they talk shit about me, I don't like it, but it's your choice. I didn't push too hard but it was in this context approximately (before that she insisted that I stop communicating with my friend or she would leave me, I had to do it) another situation happened: she had a friend who lived next door to her and they didn't communicate live but often texted each other. My ex liked to make herself cool and pretend that she was experienced in sex. At the time I was a virgin and did not really talk about sex with her, I was not really comfortable, but something I trusted her. and once my account in the app was blocked and I asked her for a while, she said "no problem" and in the dialog with this guy I accidentally saw "My girlfriend is such a slut, she does fisting". I was shocked. I had never done that in my life...I cried for a long time after that, because I felt uncomfortable and like I was humiliated. Also there was something like "my girlfriend has big tits, like two planets" this was also unpleasant for me, especially the fact that she tells this to a guy I don't even know. after a few months she started to ignore me hard, just write rarely, I could write to her she sits online, but does not answer, just reads. it drove me to tears and hysterics..I thought that everything will be fine, but I thought that everything will be fine. but when we were on the call and I was discussing our future like "oh, it would be cool if we got a kitten" it was at this point that she said "I want to break up with you" (I think it's very nasty of her to do that at this point) I started crying, begging her, etc...but she just told me to fuck off and disconnected. Then I texted her "can we be friends?" she said no and I accepted it...But the most disgusting thing was that when I was crying and suffering she just texted me "I'll think about it till morning and tell you my decision" I was broken and cried all night, hoping that in the morning she would say it's ok etc...She woke up and texted me "I'm blocking you, bye! "After a few days I found out that she had cheated on me. she immediately started dating a girl the day we were separated. and that girl turned out to be a friend who humiliated and insulted me..hmmm so there you go! now I have a new girlfriend who loves me to bits and treats me well and with respect.

But the problem is that after our breakup my country passed a law banning "LGBT" now if you are gay or lesbian you can go to jail...for 12 years. I'm really scared to write this now a little bit...in case they find out. but now I want to go to the main problem.(I'm very anxious, I suffer from overthinking and bad thoughts) At some point after the ban and distance with the girl, I started to feel like I'm attracted to guys...(I never dated a guy and all my 3 ex were girls)it's like my body makes me love them. I'm just looking at an almost at every guy and get a very weird feeling in my belly..I thought, "Okay, if you're bi, it's okay, don't worry about it," but it got worse at some point, like I started reacting to any guy, or to their voice like it was supposed to make me I don't know into him. I pushed those thoughts away. I also want to add that my mother doesn't know about my orientation and I often hear "such a nice guy,tall,handsome,cute,sucker" and it makes me feel even worse>_< I realize that if I react to all guys this way it could be anxiety and fear of falling in love with a guy. Help me please. What could it be? How to treat it? i really need your opinion, maybe someone has faced this before!

Hey

I'm 20 years old and recently found out I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety

Never thought I will attach myself with this big terms

Now when I found out that I am depressed nothing make sense ,constant hopelessness, feeling guilty , can't experience what joy or pleasure looks like idk if i ever felt happy anyway

I remember being in relationship and the only why I have been in relationships is not love i understood all i ever wanted was to be seen to be heard and idk If I even loved my ex's I just wanted to be loved

I thought I just have to keep going everyone is feeling same but most of the time I use to notice everyone have a motivation which I don't have

So I forced myself to work hard in my school in my clg and finally got the job which I worked so hard for but idk why I'm not happy anymore.

The real problem is now when I experienced failure multiple times I don't want to work anymore I feel like it's better like this then to work hard and to get fail because I failed so many times in my life didn't got the collage I worked hard for ,my boyfriend broke up with me because he found a good replacement in a week and I got replaced by someone i invested so much in but though I am okay with that after sometime

So now I'm ruining everything not ruining , ruined everything and still I don't feel a thing

But somedays it gets loud and so loud that idk how to keep going like this

I m so scared of failing that I am giving up on my dreams and I don't want to but I don't even know how to keep going

The things is I don't even feel like ending my life I like this I am fine where I am I feel fine this became my normal

I just want to share everything that helped me on my journey (fighting anxiety and depression), in the hope someone with similar issues will read this and get inspired.

I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression basically since school, but I first visited a therapist only when I was 34. I guess I reached that point in my life when it was “fight or die” stage. My anxiety was so severe I could barely leave my appartment let alone make it to a psychiatrist’s. I had to reschedule my first sessions and postponed them for almost 3 weeks, until my anxiety to get a rejection was higher than the horror of attending. People who have never been in my shoes do not understand that all the good and reasonable suggestions to eat healthy food, do exercises and sleep well are simply irrelevant when you can barely get out of bed. These things are definitely correct, but they won’t lift you up by themselves when your body is deficient of all the good things and your mind is reeling with thoughts “you’ll never get better”. I regret that I avoided medication and getting diagnosed for so long, just because I believed it was giving up. It’s right the opposite: when you’re a misfunctioning hopeless human being, you’re giving up! When you find the strengths to ask for help, you’re making steps towards healing. I’ve been taking medications ever since and see a psychologist regularly. I found a job that suits my needs, after a year of guilty procrastination. My social life has improved so much that I can actually meet new people and am making first tentative efforts to get back to good physical state.

Here’re some crucial changes that immensely helped me after I’ve started therapy:

* Hybrid work, which later turned to contract work. I’ve been stuck in that duality thniking that there’s either a full-time office job or no job, and nothing else can pay my bills. That’s such a ton of bullshit! A stressful job is your one-way ticket to burnout, panic attacks, and depression. You are not your job, don’t waste your health on it.

* Very strict diet. I don’t mean avoid junk food. I mean, forget about snacks, coffee, sugary stuff, and alcohol. I went gluten-free, and I believe it made a difference. This may sound like depriving yourself of the joys of food. Trust me, if you have problems with your gut (and 90% of people with mental health problems do), all your other attempts will get nowhere until you fix your gut. Everything is interconnected in the body.

* Forget about all social networks and all news outlets, except messengers (focused communication). The world is not your problem, until you solve your own problems.

* Nature and animals. Again, the first advice for people fighting social anxiety is to find friends, to socialize more... When your battery is super low, you won’t find the energy to connect with people. And they won’t have any idea what’s happening in your life, so social situations may only get you down and increase your feelings of anxiety and “loser moments”. I began my journey to inner harmony with reading books on human brain, depression and healthy habits. I have no beaches or mountains nearby, so I went out of my way to drive to the nearest wilderness every weekend. I had to make myself do it the first few times, but now it’s a habit, and it motivated me to start cycling. Most importantly, it helped me find my way to me, and stop worrying about lacking something, like relationships, etc.

To sum up, the journey out of complete darkness is dead hard. But everyone can do it, starting with professional help. Thanks for reading!

I am raising a child, which I am very happy about. I'd like to have another one, but there are problems. Let me start from the beginning. I'm healthy, but my husband is infertile. We wanted children and I didn't want to cheat on him. So we went to expensive medical procedures.

I was "pumped" with hormones, and then they "planted" an embryo. And so three times, because the first and the second one didn't work. It's easy to write, but it's not easy to bear it when you already feel life inside and then it stops. It's shocking and stressful.

It's tears, and feeling bad from excess hormones. It's a bad figure from the medication.

It's debts and loans, procedures are expensive. Several years passed in the exercise. When I cried, I lkmaoa that if I had cheated on my husband, I wouldn't have to suffer so much

But I'm honest, and I suffered. After raising my head a bit from my problems, I began to suspect that my husband was cheating on me. This was especially disgusting in the face of my exploits.

I did a little investigation and my husband's adultery was quickly discovered. You have no idea how angry I was! I'd agonized in clinics about not cheating, and he didn't agonize. And he didn't appreciate it.

I didn't want to see my husband anymore. I took a mop in my hands, opened the door, and kicked him out of the apartment. I cried for a long time. For days I walked around like a robot, feeling nothing.

A friend told me that I should try to get pregnant naturally. I agreed out of anger. We started looking for a donor.

Yes, a donor. I just wanted a baby, not a new husband. We had a long discussion about what kind of father he should be. Smart, healthy, handsome. And he should have a family. That's a good indicator of character, too.

I spent a week looking for him on the Internet. I've been texting men. I'd given up hope. But suddenly I found him. I liked him, and we had an "affair". In the process of communication I found out that he is healthy, educated, and has two children. Everything's fine.

Since I was healthy, I got pregnant very quickly. The goal was achieved. And I "disappeared" from my lover's sight. I was no longer angry with my husband. I've committed adultery, too. After all, I was also looking for

Maybe the lover was looking for me, but I didn't care. I was getting ready to have a baby. At some point my husband came back and we made up. I told my husband I'd used a medical service.

Although I had no money for it and chose the "free option". Shortly before the birth, my lover found me. He was bored, and I think he was starting to guess that the baby might be his. He asked me the due date. I told him. And we agreed to just text each other.

The baby that was born looked so much like him that the photo couldn't be shown. I didn't want him to claim the baby. Soon enough, the baby developed allergies. And it was important for the diagnosis if the father had it.

I mysteriously mumbled in the correspondence "and how do you tolerate milk?" to which he replied that he did not. Of course, it was my fault for choosing a donor like that.

Since he was smart, after these questions, the lover started demanding a picture of the baby. I had to send it. I could have ended it, of course. But I wanted a second child. After the baby photo, he sent me a baby photo of himself. The resemblance is obvious.

I blocked him and left town. The baby's growing up, my husband and I are raising him. But how do you have a second child..