It's been two years since I started university. I have just not been able to find my sort of people here. I prefer people who are passionate about what they are doing, conceptual with respect to their studies, ambitious and study stuff because they genuinely have the thirst for knowledge and not merely for getting good grades. I feel like the people I am around with now are extremely superficial. Caring too much about how they look or how many snaps they upload. I always feel drained whenever I have to be with them. I have found some people who don't respect my boundaries when I have clearly spoken out about how I don't want them to do it. I only have the same 6 people at most I talk to each day and they are also equally draining. I want to find someone else but I am finding it extremely difficult. I have also developed social anxiety to some extent because of which If I do leave these people, I'll just have no one to be with and it will make me even more anxious in social situations. I feel extremely alone and isolated and often try to not interact with anyone just to keep my peace of mind. I feel like these people are slowly making me forget who I am. I have been feeling mentally and physically drained during this course of time too. I feel like I am numb to everything. I don't feel excited by things I would have with before. Neither do I care if things go extremely wrong. I feel like if my life came crumbling down right now it's likely to some extent that I won't blink an eye because I just can't bring myself to care. Now everything feels like it's tuned down. I don't know what to do and am slowly losing hope. I just got my hair cut today and I don't feel anything about it. Previously, I would have been so excited to show it to people but this time nothing's happening. The only reason I even got them cut in the first place was beacuse I thought it would help me mentally. It didn't.

so basically I have finished my high school and I am pursuing medical field (mbbs) and have to give a entrance test in 59 day.but I am experiencing the worst anxiety that I have faced uptill now I was typically a strong minded person who had never faced anxiety or depression in my life but something changed in corona days I had my first ever panic attack in those days and after that I was generally fine with little to no stress related to exams because I was doing well in them. in Pakistan we call 11th and 12th standard college and have to give state mandated exam in the end of it. In my 10 standard I had given a state mandated exam in which I scored 80 percent which was enough for me to get into a great college. uptill now my mental health was at its peak no stress no anxiety only good thoughts but when my 11th exam results were announced I got to know that I had scored only 73percent which is terrible and was almost lowest in the my friend group which completely shattered my heart and my confidence I went through a very rough patch and went into a slight depressive state which I could not brush off .now in may I just gave my 12 exam and I worked very hard in preparation and gave my best pulling all nighters studying 14-15hrs a day but It gave me terrible anxiety putting me in a state of question that is this enough will I score high will my score be enough to get a high merit as medical school is very expensive and seats which are subsidized by country are very limited. I spent the whole of June in depression and had a constant noise In my head to kill myself as if I can't pursue my dream then I am no use to myself or my parents and even with the subsidized seats it will cost my parents upwards of 2000000 rupees and I don't wanna waste that I wanna become a doctor but I can't make myself study for the MCAT due to my anxiety it's reached to a point that I can't even eat anymore and just today I only had breakfast and nothing else the whole day I lay down in my bed and scroll through social media platform to take my mind off this but I still wanna study to get good grades. ( sorry if in-between my sentence structure did not make sense as English is not my first language)

hi. i am 21(m) and my girlfriend is 20(f). i am in a relationship for over a year now. everything was just as i expected from the beginning. but since the last 5-6 months, things started to go down real quick. i feel like a lot of things have changed in both our lives. both of us dont have a normal lifestyle. we both are living a life that people wont prefer living. but i think the main reason of all the problems is the long distance. i am studying in a different city, as we are indians, we are not allowed to go into a living relationship. i know the society is conservative. still i wanna work things out. but nothing changes.

i dont know why she just stopped being nice to me. in face her behavior is always rude. she doesnt like spending time with me anymore. i always think that she is into someone else but i cant jump into conclusions right? she finds me annoying. no matter what i do, she doesnt feel happy about it. i give efforts, a lot infact. she doesnt. she has stopped giving fucks about me and its been a long time now. i cant even leave her as i love her so much. she is the girl of my dreams. and she cant leave me either because her family likes me now.

her behavior is, in short, toxic. she never speaks like a normal girl. she is either screaming or abusing me. but when i raise my voice, i become a victim of the feminist movement. "you cant talk to a girl like that". when she does that, its always "you go queen" drama. she doesnt give a fuck even if i dont contact her for days. she doesnt call me or text me in the first place. whenever i call her, she sounds irritated just by hearing my voice whereas i am the one dying to talk to her.

i live alone and i have no friends. i am diagnosed with schizophrenia. its hard for me to even maintain sane behavior at times and it feels like shes being a burden. she is not the girl i fell in love with. she is not the girl she was last year. she is just so different. she was my last resort to escape the daily circus of this shitty world. she was my shelter. now all she does is fuck me up, fuck my mental health up. she has become narcissist. she is always like "i dont give a fuck about what happens to you unless it affects me.". i dont know why shes doing such things but yeah, its hard, specially when it comes from the person whom you love the most and the only person you talk with.

i dont know if im ever gonna come back to this site but i had to get my head clear. bye

Hii there dear readers

I don't know from where I start yet my current love life isn't working.im in long distance relationship Last year Nov 15 my ex and I started having fights he used to fight all the time and used to leave me and threat me at jan 18 I had breakup from three year old realtionship. I was broken I didn't knew what to do at the moment my best friend he was also an broken heart with 11ex he comforted me soo much honestly I realised I have feelings for him and he has to later we started dating and my life was like it became alive,I made him feel complete all was perfect until March 18 came I tried to make new friends outside in discord there some bad people started forcing to send nudes and started harrasing me for 4 hours I was harrassed and I took screenshot how they harassing me and sent to bf in a hope he would help me comfort me later on...he misunderstood all and stopped talking to me became angry blocked me it took 13 days to recover back 13 days miscommunication and like I sent him 5k+ messages with this all his phone got broken and tab he wasn't able to use.only laptop was with him so after patch up he changed like totally he started playing games for 5 to 6 hours and started late reply I used for his reply for weeks and miscommunication due to games he did and many people has suggested me to do breakup with him yet.. I have true feelings so i wasn't able to do so everything went same till 4 months I tried millions of ways to fix relationship and make him spend some time with me yet nothing worked and he is now out of my touch.. last month then a friend provoken him to do breakup with me by saying lies and he belived yet I recovered relationship back in 3 days.i messaged him directly after trying everything that I have started feeling lonely and alone in realtionship he only said oof on that and didn't took any action and continued all.one week ago his exams got finished he got his phone back and he didn't informed me about it I just Sussed on him that how he is using phone late night so I asked him did he got his phone back he said yes and oof with that. His gaming habbit reduced alot this month but new habbit started not being online only which is more upsetting...later I said him 2 days ago that I ain't gonna use phone and maybe last conversation it is between him and me gonna be yesterday he just read chats and replied nothing only asked why not I gonna use phone and replied nothing I said him I love you he said nothing on that I got bad vibes then..today a tarot reader did reading and said that my bf is confused he is with someone else and he is cheating on me I were broken to listen tarot reader also said that he is not choosing me he is choosing someone else and in current time he is thinking to move on....my heart was like broken but then to I feel like my bf Maybe with someone else but he didn't cheating on me as I feel from inside ...but whatever tarot reader said that's also matching with my situation disturbed love life and all. I literally don't know what to do many people and many friends has said to breakup some said he has loosed interest from me some saying he is not good person some saying he is play boy I literally don't know what to do I simply love him and that's all I know I'm just living on past sweeet memories of Jan,Feb and march...but nothing is getting fixed on I directly texted him a week ago to spend time with me I directly said what I feel when he is not with me he said he knows its his fault and said these days he is very busy with training and gym and all that's why he not online or spending time and that time I felt like he as insecurity or angry with me or what i felt at that moment but tarot reveals move on someone else in his life cheating and all....