I’m very sorry that you have to put up with this. I’ve noticed that a lot of people use religion as an outlet for their own traumas and hurtful life experiences. I believe you should make it through to your mother that she is not acting with your best interests in mind. Higher education is a very serious topic; it’ll influence your future in many ways. You should fight for a better future. Your mother will probably call you rude and unkind, but the truth is, you need to do what's best for you. If you can contact your father, ask him to support your decision. I know it’s a risk to further aggravate your home situation, so do it cautiously.
..On second thought, I was too quick with my suggestion about your father… maybe it’ll be wiser to get support from your high school teachers instead. If you’ve already chosen a college you like, talk about it with your teachers and see if they can then try to convince your mother. In any case, don't go to a college that doesn't offer what you want to study.
Sending you lots of luck!
It’s awful, it’s like spiritual abuse. Doesn’t your mother understand that by making you ashamed of your body she may force you to end up with anorexia or other eating disorders? Parents are supposed to use religion for good, to encourage and uplift us, not to control and manipulate. It’s heartbreaking that they sometimes do exactly the opposite. The one good thing I can tell you is that you'll eventually have your own freedom as an adult! You have a long life ahead of you and you’ll live for yourself, not for the wishes of others. I hope you’ll manage to receive the education that you want.
You will have to eventually address this and have a talk with your mum about how her behavior and words make you feel. If talking to her is problematic, you can write an old plain letter and put it in your mailbox before school. Your emotions are valid, and your mother should know about them.
I can't even bring myself to think about how hard it must be for you every day in that environment. Even though it's tough to tolerate it and unlearn it later in life, you can do it!
I’d like to recommend you a book by an American author, she writes about a similar family experience to what you’re describing. It’s not exactly light reading, but I hope it can bring a little comfort to you, knowing others have gone through this too (and succeeded in the end!) - it's “Educated” by Tara Westover.
Ah, this is always a difficult question. You seem to love your parents, despite all their flaws. My recommendation is to not demonstrate your total aversion to religion to your mother. I’m not suggesting you to lie about your beliefs, only to be a bit more patient with your mother. Because, unfortunately, it's unlikely she'll turn her back on religion. Maybe one day, she'll accept that her behavior was not right. Maybe she won’t. I’m glad you keep in contact with your father, despite the difficulties.
@Christopher Thanx! My friends tell me my mother needs family therapy, I have no idea how to make her do anything like that. When I'm of age I plan to go to my father. He lives abroad now, with a new family.
@mrsKnobbs I disagree with your opinion!
I understand the kind of pressure that comes from such a religious parent, but it’s important to live by one’s own beliefs. If you allow someone to control you to the point that you accept a lifestyle that isn't really you, it will haunt you later in life.
Is your mother paying for your college expenses?
@lika4er I think your queston was for me. Yes, mom will probably want to pay it all and control it, as usual. But my dad is sending me money as gifts and I’m saving it. I don’t think it will be enough for the whole period though
@8nicholas8 OK, here’s what you can do. Research all the nearby universities and colleges that have religious groups, or that have a historical connection to some religious organization. Most of such colleges are religious only in name, in reality they’re all now pretty secular. You can read what people already studying there share on social media. Show your mother what you found, point to that religious connection, and then stand your ground on going there. Of course, make sure it corresponds to your main subjects of interest. It’s a compromise but a good one, in my opinion.
Hi,
i understand how stressful and painful situation is for you.
But you need to start analysing and take a huge step back and reflect. Think about what your mother is dealing with. Answer these questions:
How was your initial rapport with mom from childhood? how was she as a person prior to your dad leaving her? Have you ever spoken to your mom about how does she feel after dad left? why has she suddenly become so religious? does she think praying or fasting is going to change some aspects in her life? understand her belief and why?. Her being strict with you could also be with a belief that controlling you would let her be with you. She would be believing ad well that giving you the freedom would mean you can also leave her and go. It is very important that you give her the assurance. She would just need an outlet to share her feelings.
you need to sit down and talk to her. you need to put it in a polite way by saying mom i respect you, love you and would always be there beside you as a pillar. i need to talk to you about something and i hope you don't find it hurtful. off late you have just been saying things to me about religion and abstaining me from doing lot of things. but honestly this isnt working well and is driving me apart from religion and you. then continue about the issues you are having.
see if this works for you.