We have a child, a boy of 5 years old. We aren’t married, but we’ve been in a relationship on and off for 7 years. My partner has anger issues, and he used to smoke weed, but he gave up on the latter when our child was born. It was my primary demand for us to live together. I really wanted us to work out for the sake of our son. He is very attached to his dad. He doesn’t understand lots of things going on between us, and I try not to drag him into it. When I cry because of my partner, I’ll tell my son that I’m just tired or that I’m sick. But part of me is longing to tell him the truth. When we have a fight, it’s a rule to go outside the house so that Kevin (my son) doesn’t hear swear words. The worst of it all is that my partner was having these fits of anger less frequently when he was on weed. He keeps blaming me for the aggravation of his symptoms. When he’s on edge, which happens at least once a week, he rages around the house, he can hit things or walls. I don’t even ask anymore if it’s about his work or something else, the result is always that he spits his venom out on me, and I’d prefer not to be his verbal punch bag. He has never hit me, but he has grabbed me out of the house by the wrist a couple of times, and I had bruises afterwards. This almost made me leave him last time, but he apologized and begged me to stay, with all the usual words of affection. My son knows his father is loud, so I hope he doesn’t realize how often we yell at each other while smiling through the teeth. I don’t know if I want to be in this relationship, Kevin is the main reason why I’m still where I am.
Last night I packed my things and was almost outside the house (I told Kevin we were going to see grandmother, my mother, which is true). And he suddenly asked if his father will go with us and looked so upset when I said he wouldn’t. I hid my tears and unpacked. Tomorrow my partner comes home from a shift. I’m at a loss what to do...
