Post
To
To The Moon
271d ago

I'm stressed out

I was involved with a man for a brief yet intense period of 3 months. He was a complex individual, and throughout our time together, I often found myself in a state of uncertainty, unsure about his feelings towards me. Despite this, our relationship was filled with so much happiness and excitement. However, things started to change about a week ago. On his initiative, our relationship took a step back. We didn't officially break up, but we stopped meeting in person and limited our interactions to text messages. He initially seemed to be struggling with depression and distanced himself from me. Now, I find myself hesitant about restarting our relationship.

This uncertainty is taking a toll on me, and I find myself in a very bad emotional place, unable to snap out of it.

Specialist answer
12
27
1
Disorders
Our free therapy courses to cope with stress
Veena Choudhary
265d
Specialist

Hi,


It's the right time and chance for you to reflect on your relationship as he has also given you the time and space by reducing the interaction.


write down the list of behaviour and aspects of relationship that you find is distressing. now after writing it you have to:


  • You need to read those behaviour in loud and see if you will be able to deal with it in the future. if those behaviour and aspects are affecting you it is very important you need to think about your emotional being. you need to rank each aspect/behaviour say out of 10 how difficult it is for you to put with that behaviour. say example he doesn't communicate his feelings then rank out of 10 its 8 which means it is really difficult for me to be in a relationship where he doesn't express easily, where he doesn't make me feel he needs me and now i cant adjust with this behaviour. lower ranks says 1 or 2 means you can adjust with that behaviour and it wont affect you much.


  • Disclose these details with him. Give him clarity of what behaviour of his is affecting you for so long. If he is able to understand and work on those aspects it which will help you to decide whether you can get back with him or not. It's always better if you have a relationship with clarity, good understanding and better communication.


  • you also need to do another activity where you draw 2 columns. in the first column write down what are the important aspects in a relationship for you eg trust, loyalty, understanding, communication etc. most important 5 factors without which being in a relationship is difficult. now in second column just write down whether this person you are in relationship with has these qualities. write yes/no. if you write yes he has then explain how did you he exhibit that behaviour to you. this activity will give you a clarity of what is important in a relationship and why you were so uncertain about this relationship and what was lacking. This will help you to make decision.


  • You can also imagine what life would be without him if you were not together. Think how would it be. write down. this will also help you to decide what works better for you.


Remember you always have a choice to make yourself happy. The power is in your hands to think about your well being.


Sa
Sarah
271d

It can be incredibly difficult to deal with this emotional mess and uncertainty in a relationship, especially after an intense period like the one you've described. It's important to take care of yourself and focus on your own well being during this time. If you feel that the relationship is contributing to your distress, it may be worth considering whether continuing it is in your best interest. It's okay to take some time to reflect and prioritize your own emotional health. You may also find it helpful to talk to a trusted friend or therapist about what you're going through.

Ly
Lynn
270d

It's normal to feel uncertain and confused about your partner's feelings and behavior, especially when there has been a sudden change in the relationship dynamics. The fact that your partner is dealing with depression may also be contributing to their behavior of distancing themselves from you and limiting contact. It's important to give yourself time and space to process your feelings and determine what you want for yourself moving forward.

Or
Orlando
270d

Consider integrating mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment, fully aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. By focusing on the here and now, you can begin to detach from the anxieties and uncertainties that cloud your mind. Start with simple meditation exercises. Find a quiet space, sit comfortably, and focus on your breath. Observe each inhale and exhale without judgment. When your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to your breath. Over time, this practice can help you cultivate a sense of inner calm and clarity.

In addition to meditation, engage in activities that nurture your soul and bring you joy. Whether it's spending time in nature, practicing yoga, journaling, or pursuing a creative hobby, find what makes your heart sing and dedicate time to it. These activities can serve as a form of meditation in themselves, helping you reconnect with your inner self and find balance. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and healing with patience and compassion.

Ry
Ryder P.
270d

i’m sorry you’re feeling so uncertain and emotionally exhausted. it sounds like your relationship with this man was intense and confusing. it’s normal to feel unsure about whether to restart things, especially if he’s dealing with depression and has distanced himself. it’s important to take care of your own emotional well-being first. give yourself the time and space to really think about what you want and need. it’s okay to feel hesitant and to need time to process everything. relationships are complicated, and it’s okay to not have all the answers right away. focus on taking care of yourself and finding things that bring you joy and stability. it might help to talk to a close friend or a therapist about your feelings. they can provide support and help you sort through your emotions. remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being and to take things slow. you deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel happy and secure. take your time and trust yourself to make the right decision for you.

dw
dwalker809
270d

This situation must be incredibly hard for you. Your relationship sounded very meaningful, and the sudden shift must be really confusing. It's important to remember that your emotions are valid and that it's okay to feel this way. Sometimes, reflecting on what you've learned from this relationship can offer some insights. What did this experience teach you about yourself? What qualities do you now know you value in a partner? While these questions might not provide immediate comfort, they can be a step towards understanding and healing. Give yourself permission to feel and to grieve this change. With time, clarity will come, and you'll be better equipped to decide the best path forward for you.

Ho
Hopeless
270d

Hey, I just read your message, and I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this tough time. It sounds like you were really invested in this relationship, and it's understandable that you're feeling this way. From what you've described, it seems like he might be dealing with some personal issues that are affecting his ability to be fully present in the relationship. Depression can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes people withdraw to protect themselves or others. I know it's hard, but try to give him some space while also taking care of yourself. Maybe this time apart can help both of you gain some clarity. Remember, you are as just as important as him, so don't hesitate to lean on your friends and family for support.

To
To The Moon
270d
Author

@Sarah It really resonated with me when you mentioned the importance of taking care of myself and focusing on my own well-being. It's been an intense few months, and the emotional whirlwind has left me feeling frazzled and uncertain. The happiness and excitement we shared were genuine, but the sudden shift has thrown me off balance. I think you're right; I need to take some time to reflect on whether this relationship is in my best interest, especially since it seems to be causing me distress. Your suggestion to talk to a trusted friend or therapist is something I will seriously consider. I have been hesitant to open up about my feelings to others, but I realize that holding everything inside is not helping me. I need some kind of support to help me navigate through this emotional mess. Thank you for reminding me that it's okay to prioritize my own emotional health. Your words have given me a sense of direction and the encouragement I needed to take that first step towards self-care.

To
To The Moon
270d
Author

@Lynn The sudden change in our relationship dynamics has left me questioning everything. I knew he was struggling with depression, but I didn't realize how much it would impact our relationship. His distancing himself and limiting our contact have been painful, and I've been left wondering what I did wrong. I have been so focused on trying to understand his behavior that I neglected my own emotional needs. I now see that I need to take a step back and figure out what I want for myself moving forward.

To
To The Moon
270d
Author

@Orlando I've heard about the benefits of mindfulness and meditation but have never seriously considered integrating them into my daily routine. Your suggestion to focus on the present moment and distract myself from the anxieties in my mind finds a deep response in me. I've always enjoyed spending time in nature and going for walks, but I've neglected these activities recently. Your reminder to engage in activities that nurture my soul and bring me joy is something I needed to hear. I think that It is time for me to make a conscious effort to reconnect with my inner self and find balance through these practices.

To
To The Moon
270d
Author

@Ryder P. The intensity and confusion of my relationship with this man have left me feeling emotionally exhausted, and it's reassuring to hear that it's normal to feel this way. His struggle with depression and the subsequent distancing have been challenging to navigate. I agree with you that it's important to take care of my own emotional well-being first. I need to give myself the time and space to think about what I want and need from this relationship. I honestly am not sure if I want this relationship at all but how do I navigate it? What if he will be willing to go back to me and I don't want that? Am I a bad person for that?

More on this topic

Coming out makes things worse!

Hello to everyone with mental health disorders and other mental illnesses.

My question is how you communicate with people dear to you about your diagnosis, and how often you think it’s better not to open up? Have you told your coworkers or your partner's relatives about your diagnosis?

I have a borderline personality disorder, and I normally keep it a secret because of how most people change when they think you’re mental. I know that my biggest problem is overreacting to tiniest emotional spikes, and I’m working on it, but I accept that there will be emotional breakdowns for the rest of my life, and the best I can do is forgive myself for my mood swings. My family knows that I’m seeing a therapist, and it helps, for I feel they’re more patient with me now and give me space to calm down when I’m losing it. But I don’t know, maybe it’s just because they’re parents and their love is unconditional?…

My only attempt to open up to someone I loved was a mistake. We broke up weeks after that, and from the moment he knew about BPD, things went downhill. There was probably a great deal of my fault in that. I always attract men younger than myself and end up disbelieving their feelings for me are real. But I still think that how my ex reacted before he found out about my BPD and after were two different things. At the peak of our breakdown he said I was an underdeveloped child who needed to grow up… It’s really hurting because I’m struggling to be a grownup who can control her emotions, and this person knew it. Why did I expect him to be more understanding? He could have read about BPD to see that there’re not only bad emotions… My sensitive part goes both ways, and I can be a caring and loving partner. Telling anyone else but my closest people about my war with myself makes me feel very vulnerable. I think it’s easier to explain my rage or impulsive behavior by just saying I’m stressed and apologizing. They don’t need to know about BPD.

Disorders

There's too much to do and too many things to do

Saw some stories here of people asking for help. I'm asking for advice, too. I'm grasping at a lot of things. It's very agonizing to be a slave to work and time. Do you think I don't know how to plan? Yes, I can. In fact, I can do several things at once. My whole day is always scheduled. If I only do one thing, I get bored. I take the subway? Yeah, then I listen to a lecture. I run down the street? Listening to the news, recording voice messages. Sleeping? Yeah, just as sleep is boring, I hear tracks in a foreign language. It makes it easier to learn the language. I'm home on the weekend? I turn on the robot vacuum cleaner, the washing machine, cook a meal, coffee in the coffee maker, a YouTube video comes on, hook up with coworkers, and let's say . cleaning or one other thing. If there aren't enough things to do, it's hard for me to focus on one. One job? Boring. I have to pick up jobs and part-time jobs to the point of boredom. Then I get stressed out. It's unclear where the exit is. I've started from scratch a couple times. One job, relaxed pace, rest. Then my brain starts whispering "well a lot of free time", and it's so interesting to try something else...And so it went...The only consolation is that I used to be able to combine 5 jobs, now I still can't get so much, I've become lazy. Maybe it's a relief?

Disorders
Disorders

Do I have OCD??

Hey, everyone.

The last four months I've been experiencing some weird symptoms of spacing out and forgetting things and people. Not in the extreme kind of way. I do remember big details, like who this person is, their name and how we met ect. Although details of what we did or talked about the day before can get a little hazy, and I often need reminders of what happened. When I get those reminders, my brain catches on and it comes back to me. But it often comes in pieces and in different shades.


This state of forgetfullness is not constant. It comes in "episodes" from some hours to days to stretch.


I usually explain it as some kind of "dreamworld" with shaded sunglasses glasses I get into. When I "wake up" from it (aka. take off the glasses) I still technically know where I am, but see everything in a much brighter shade. When I try to remember the time before, it is like trying to remember a drunk night. Again, I remember the big things, but it doesn't really feel like I was present or there. Me and my boyfriend call it KFC (originated from AFK "away from keyboard", but I was not familiar with that term and kept accidentally calling it KFC, so we just stuck with it :P).


This also affects my loved ones, since I don't remember bonding experiences fully, and i with KFC sometimes also forget their needs. Because of this, i really want to find a solution.


So how does OCD come into this?

I as a person am very creative and have many "childish" traits. I usually get urges to do funny stuff , like wanting to climb on a railing, pet the cat or get a leaf from a tree I'm passing. Sadly no matter the circumstances, these urges still remain. Even when I'm having a scuffle with a friend or am comforting someone, I can not get rid of the thoughts that I really want to pet that cat. These urges have never been harmful and therefore I have never even considered them as any disorder. Other symptoms that could align with ocd, is that I very often have random thought processes that don't make sense. I can just go with my day and suddenly think of how cans are made, or what nothingness looks like and have a huge urge to discuss my thoughts. The thoughts are not voluntary and Its difficult for me to shut them out and concentrate/listen on something/someone else while having them.


On the other hand I do not have the "normal" OCD symptoms. I don't have urges to repeat patterns, slap butts in public, nor am I germophobic. I do have strong sense of organizing and knowing where to put things, but on the other hand I don't mind my room being messy at times either. When my brain is foggy or I am stressed I can get I to obsessive cleaning.


Thank you for reading this long post. I don't expect any scientific diagnoses from you guys, we are all just people after all. But I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on the matter. If you have any questions, hit me up 😊

Disorders