Currently, going through a lot of shit that I think I don't deserve. In my family,my father took several loans againsts all assests out of which some got taken by bank through auction. Next is his business, which is not working, he's at home since August 2022 and doesn't even find any jobs. My younger brother is pursuing bachelor degree and is also not making any efforts to even score good in his college. My mom is a hardworking and strong woman who is still stick to papa bcuz she has no other options available. I'm a sole earner in my family, paying rent to grocery n other expenses come under my umbrella. My relationship is going well but I'm not even 1% satisfied with his family. They're from UP and are somehow ready to sccept me but....they want me to follow all the narrow-minded made rules. You guys can't believe, they want me to sacrifice my job, freedom, and even my family. I have never imagined such family can exist in today's generation where they want their daughter to live a happy life without sacrificing anything. But don't want their daughter in law like her. Their conditions are: you need to wear saree for the whole life with ghunghat no other options. You can't do jobs outside home, wfh is allowed but need to handle family, husband, job, sanskar, and relatives at the same time. You can't go out alone. Anyone of his family should be there. You can't post anything on social medua, if you want, you should not add any of the family members n relatives in your channels. You cant even wear suit at home or outside home. Only wear when you'll go outside city or state. You have to handle home like yours and oy you've the responsibility of it. His sister frequently come to his home (multiple reason or sometimes no reasons) but i can't go to mine bcuz his parents are ill nd I have to take care of them. I need to sacrifice everything including parents just to prove his relatives that they found a so called sanskari bahu with no grudges and disagreement issues. I don't know what to do. I love him I also know that he can't took my back when it comes to freedom. He can't stand against his parents. All he is doing is brainwashing me with the name of good girl nd family-oriented woman who can do anything for her love.
I'm even going through mental health issues. I've migraine (severe headache) and depression. Even visited psychologist n neuro several times. But that shit somewhere scares me a lot, idk why. Sometimes, I even got suicidal thoughts due to these big list of problems.
Pleasehelp me out with this. What actions should I need to take? What to do🥺 please help me
hi Dee,
I agree Communication is a key in every healthy relationship but it's very necessary to have the right level of communication at the right time. Both of you need to understand that.
1.Process and understand your feelings first
After every fight its necessary that you process your feelings first on that subject and stay calm. give some time and then talk. If we go into conversation immediately after feeling very agitated or angry then the matter would never get resolved. Argument will just add up and pile. Try to have control over your emotions first in that way both of you can listen to each other.
2.Give some space
if your partner needs some space after a fight then try giving so that you can also process your emotions for some time. If you are not able to stop yourself from immediately messaging him or calling him then try this strategy :
>>>>>writing down in a paper what you are feeling and how are you feeling. Jot down what you did not like your partner saying . Take a photo of it and send it to him after some time. Writing down would make you also feel little better as your feelings, emotions are out from your head and heart. You want to quickly tell him and take out your feelings which is understandable but if its not working then try this method. Once he is in better state of mind he would read the note and understand you better. This technique will help you in longer run.
3.How important it for you both
When you say your communication is becoming unhealthy then it is time that you both need to decide :
4.If you need to work on this relationship then you both need to be aware of this communication issue. Each person needs to make a commitment to change that behaviour which is affecting your relationship. in your case interrupting while talking needs to be changed and in his case he says he no longer wants to deal with the issue. Both needs to be changed. Work on it. Help each other in this process of changing.
5.Handle conflicts better :
whenever you have fight, keep a time limit of says 2-3 hours don't talk to each other. write down in the mean time of what all issues you had or just think about it. Take turn to share after 3 hours. Don't interrupt each other while sharing.
I hope this helps. if you need therapy kindly reach me at my email id given in the profile.
most welcome