I think it’s time you follow the lead of your husband and start doing whatever makes you happy, pursuing interests *you* have ;) Are your children of age? Do they live separately?
Wow, 29 years is a lot of time! Sounds like being a mother and supporting your husband has been a central part of your life.
Why do you call your desire to reclaim your own identity and happiness “personal inadequacy”? Do you really think so? You’ve spent years putting your family first, prioritizing others' needs over your own. Taking care of your personal needs is not selfish. It's essential for your well-being and the health of your relationships, including your marriage.
To find the way to your happiness, you should find what brings you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose outside your roles as a mother and wife. What activities or hobbies have you enjoyed in the past? Are there new interests or passions you'd like to explore?
@Camilla P.
I'd love to follow his lead. Unfortunately, I'm not as decisive and bold as him. Anyway, I am going to participate in a massive feeding project in our community. Hopefully this will help me focus on something positive and make me feel better about myself.
@Pam I don't have kids of my own yet, but I think giving birth to three children is very bold! You're more courageous than you think ;)
If you enjoy helping other people, it might be your true calling. I'm at a loss myself about what to do with my life. I'm not married, so my dreams of a family are only dreams. I used to work in a jewelry shop, now I work at Tesco. Selling and managing things is not really my thing :( I'd like to do something useful and more significant. Casual search for a position at any NGO has been unsuccessful so far... Perhaps I'll volunteer at a local dog shelter, they don't have paid positions right now, I hope they will eventually. Helping animals is not the same as helping people, but I need to start somewhere.
Good luck with your feeding project!
@Pam If you like gardening, getting involved in a community garden can be a great way to connect with others and contribute to something beautiful!
Personally, I found that starting a club for women is a great way to connect with like-minded folks and share my love for knitting and reading. Finding what you enjoy takes a bit of time and exploring.
@Camilla P. I agree with you that helping people maybe my true calling. Actually I think animal care may very well be far more rewarding than people. They give back unconditional love tenfold. I also think that once you volunteer at a NGO you will more likely be able to find a paying position within the NGO. By the way my feeding project was canceled and I wasn't informed. Hopefully next time I'll be lucky to join.
@antuanetta07 I know it takes time and many trials and errors to find something but I feel impatient and bordering on desperate to wake up every day not feeling like i have a purpose.
I will consider starting something.
@Pam I’ve subscribed to a bunch of sites posting NGO jobs and check the openings every week. I get the impression that they’re mostly looking for those freshly graduated or people with no working experience. My CV either shows too much experience or is too bad :( I applied to several openings but with no luck.
Dogs are the love of my life! I’d be super happy to make it my mission to find a home for every doggy in the world! The only fear that’s been stopping me from volunteering at a shelter is the fear of diseases. My parents have two old cats. I’ve been told some viruses can be brought home on clothes / shoes. Working with street animals increases the risks. Or at least that’s what I think, it’s not a professional opinion. But the vet I consulted ensured me that if our cats are regularly vaccinated, there’s nothing to worry about, so I decided I’m ready to try, starting this summer.
A pity that your project was canceled. I hope you’ll find something else.
@Pam I’ll be 60 this year, and I am still looking for that purpose.
Might as well be that my meaning is just to be alive at this point. I’d like to travel more now that I finally have time and opportunity. Simply being present in the moment and appreciating the gift of life seems good enough.
It seems that you've recognized that you might have lost touch with your authentic self due to the many roles and responsibilities you've taken on over the years, especially as a wife and mother. This speaks of certain level self-awarness which is already the first step towards finding your way back to yourself. Now that you know this, you have more clarity about why you're feeling disillusioned and what you'd like to change. It can be a great support as you take steps towards rediscovering your sense of individuality.
It's important to recognize that you are deserving of being happy and fulfilled, just as much as anyone else. The next step you can take is to start making time for your own needs and interests. Make a list of things that you were interested in when you were younger, before all of the responsibilities. Could it be certain music, books, movies or activities like crafting, drawing, dancing, etc.? Take the time to get back to something like that. For example, listen to music that reminds you of your youth, or that you can relate to. Dance to it if you want to. It might help you remember some parts of yourself that were forgotten. Then try an activity that you once enjoyed but haven't done in a while. Perhaps, cook a meal that reminds you of your childhood. You could also make a list of things you'd like to try, such as taking a pottery class, going to a instrumental concert, taking a trip somewhere.
While trying different things, pay attention to how it makes you feel - curious, involved, happy, bored, etc. See which activities bring you the most joy and start including them in your everyday life. Those could be even simple things like walking in a park, taking a warm bath, or reading a book.
In general, pay more attention to your needs and feelings. Each day, take a few pauses and ask yourself, "How am I feeling?" or "What do I want right now?" To make it easier, it can help to set a few alarms (for example, start with three alarms a day) that would remind you to ask yourself these questions. If you find it hard to name the exact emotion you're having, you can find a list of emotions online and see which one resonates the most at the moment. You can also learn information about what our emotions tell us about ourselves - for example, if we're angry, it can mean that our boundaries are being crossed or we are not getting what we want; if we're sad, we might be dealing with the loss of something important. Try to really listen to what your emotions tell you about your needs at the moment.
You can practice listening to yourself in daily situations, such as when you're doing grocery shopping or sitting in a café - look at different meals or products and ask yourself something like, "From 1 to 10, how much do I want it?" You can also just listen to the signs your body gives you. For instance, when you see a chocolate cake in the bakery, notice if you feel a strong pull towards it or if it doesn't appeal to you much. Maybe at some point you notice that you feel a craving for a specific type of food or a desire to move your body.
It might be hard to know exactly what you want in the beginning, but it gets much easier with practice. Learning about what you like and want is a great way to start getting back in touch with your authentic self.
See if these question can help you:
Even though you took a break from professional role you still have grown as a person as learnt in your life by being exposed to new things, new environment, new ideas, new people. So ask yourself :
answering these will help you with next step.
Take ownership of current life circumstances. determine where you want to go, who you want to be and define what fulfillment in your life means to you and go after it.