I am raising a child, which I am very happy about. I'd like to have another one, but there are problems. Let me start from the beginning. I'm healthy, but my husband is infertile. We wanted children and I didn't want to cheat on him. So we went to expensive medical procedures.
I was "pumped" with hormones, and then they "planted" an embryo. And so three times, because the first and the second one didn't work. It's easy to write, but it's not easy to bear it when you already feel life inside and then it stops. It's shocking and stressful.
It's tears, and feeling bad from excess hormones. It's a bad figure from the medication.
It's debts and loans, procedures are expensive. Several years passed in the exercise. When I cried, I lkmaoa that if I had cheated on my husband, I wouldn't have to suffer so much
But I'm honest, and I suffered. After raising my head a bit from my problems, I began to suspect that my husband was cheating on me. This was especially disgusting in the face of my exploits.
I did a little investigation and my husband's adultery was quickly discovered. You have no idea how angry I was! I'd agonized in clinics about not cheating, and he didn't agonize. And he didn't appreciate it.
I didn't want to see my husband anymore. I took a mop in my hands, opened the door, and kicked him out of the apartment. I cried for a long time. For days I walked around like a robot, feeling nothing.
A friend told me that I should try to get pregnant naturally. I agreed out of anger. We started looking for a donor.
Yes, a donor. I just wanted a baby, not a new husband. We had a long discussion about what kind of father he should be. Smart, healthy, handsome. And he should have a family. That's a good indicator of character, too.
I spent a week looking for him on the Internet. I've been texting men. I'd given up hope. But suddenly I found him. I liked him, and we had an "affair". In the process of communication I found out that he is healthy, educated, and has two children. Everything's fine.
Since I was healthy, I got pregnant very quickly. The goal was achieved. And I "disappeared" from my lover's sight. I was no longer angry with my husband. I've committed adultery, too. After all, I was also looking for
Maybe the lover was looking for me, but I didn't care. I was getting ready to have a baby. At some point my husband came back and we made up. I told my husband I'd used a medical service.
Although I had no money for it and chose the "free option". Shortly before the birth, my lover found me. He was bored, and I think he was starting to guess that the baby might be his. He asked me the due date. I told him. And we agreed to just text each other.
The baby that was born looked so much like him that the photo couldn't be shown. I didn't want him to claim the baby. Soon enough, the baby developed allergies. And it was important for the diagnosis if the father had it.
I mysteriously mumbled in the correspondence "and how do you tolerate milk?" to which he replied that he did not. Of course, it was my fault for choosing a donor like that.
Since he was smart, after these questions, the lover started demanding a picture of the baby. I had to send it. I could have ended it, of course. But I wanted a second child. After the baby photo, he sent me a baby photo of himself. The resemblance is obvious.
I blocked him and left town. The baby's growing up, my husband and I are raising him. But how do you have a second child..
This is a very critical moment for you when you learnt his orientation towards men. With this unexpected news you would have felt shattered and devastated. Once this shock wears off feeling of pain and hurt can be overwhelming. Untreated these feelings become permanent and outcome can be rage, anger. IT would be best you go to therapist and he will be able to help you in dealing with this situation and accepting the reality.
these are few things you can do:
with so many years of living together , you should sit down and have an honest open communication with him asking why had he not told his inclination towards men and when did he comes to know about this inclination. Listen to him without being judgemental.
Your partner cheated on you and it was their call. You shouldn't take it on yourself. Don't blame yourself or feel responsible for being in the situation. Face the situation bravely and find a way to come out of it. You should not feel ashamed about things were you dont have control.
Work on your self-esteem:
It's because he cheated on you and your marriage hit the rock bottom , you instantly feel your self esteem took a hit. You start questioning yourself. Stop treating yourself like that. Do things to pamper yourself which you have not done this long. take care of yourself.
Distract yourself:
Do things that take your mind off from this situation. Go to a movie or a walk or exercise or read a book , Go volunteer at homeless shelter. Doing something to care for other people makes us feel better and distracts from pain.
Meditate:
>>>>sit comfortably where you wont be disturbed. You can keep your eyes closed or look down on the floor to be in the present moment.
>>>>Bring to your awareness a painful experience or conversation you had with your husband and recall what that emotion felt like in your body.
>>>>Deepen your natural inhale and exhale. with each exhale imagine yourself releasing the pressure you felt in your body as a reaction to the painful memory.
Don't let the years of deception and sense of betrayal take away the good and positive memories you had in your marriage. Both of you can explain it your child. This will help the child as well.