Relationships are hard work, but here's the thing - you can't change overnight, and neither can he. It takes time, patience, and a whole lot of effort from both sides. Don't beat yourself up too much about being the "cause" of the problems. If he truly loves you, he'll be patient and supportive as you work on yourself. Keep your chin up, sweetie. You've got this! Are you doing any self-reflection to understand why you might struggle with communication and transparency?
@wyattsherry thank you very much
yes,doing a lot of self reflection
@clara selaboy anytime :) How are you feeling?
The fact that you care is a huge thing. If he cares as much as you do, I'd say you'll be good. Don't stress about it too much, just try to do better every day and enjoy the process. Anyway, good luck! Hope things get better for you 🙏
@SadBoy thanks
Hey, I don't really know your whole situation, but I'm sure you'll get through this. I really do believe that
I can tell you really care about this guy. You've been together for 4 months, and that's enough time to develop strong feelings. It's clear you love him a lot. And it's great that you're trying to work things out. That shows how much you care
You mentioned some issues like communication and transparency. Those are big things in any relationship. That's the first step to making things better. And you know what? It's awesome that you want to use these two months to improve things. You said you don't do these things intentionally, and I believe you. Most of the time, we don't mean to hurt the people we care about. But sometimes we do things without realizing how they affect others. It's all part of learning and growing together
I want you to know that it's okay to make mistakes. We all do. What matters is that you're trying to fix things
Can I ask you something? Why do you blame yourself for the problems in your relationship? It sounds like you're taking on a lot of responsibility for the issues. I'm just curious to understand more about why you feel that way
@LILO Thank you for the nice words.
the reason why am taking all the blame in the relationship is because, the same issue keeps recurring and to be honest he try’s his best he put his all in this but sometimes he feels am not putting that full energy and after sitting to myself to analyze everything I noticed it’s my fault. And I don’t do those things Internationally and am ready to make
amends.
@LILO thank you so much
I really appreciate your concern.
and yes, I and my man have discussed about the issues in our relationship.
I want to use this two months to build transparency, honesty and accountability, Vulnerability, openness in my relationship, because I feel that’s the things lacking in it.
But I don’t mind you giving me more tips to help in my relationship.
@clara selaboy Don't be too hard on yourself, okay? Even if you feel like you're the cause, remember that relationships are complex. It's rarely just one person's "fault"
I'm glad you're ready to make amends. That's a really positive step. It shows you're committed to making things better. But remember, change takes time. Be patient with yourself as you work on these issues
You mentioned that you don't do these things intentionally. That's important to remember. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we hurt people without meaning to. The key is recognizing it and trying to do better, which is exactly what you're doing. It's good that you've been able to sit down and analyze things. But I wonder, have you talked to your partner about what you've realized? Sharing our thoughts and feelings can really help the other person understand us better.
It might be helpful to think about specific things you can do to show your partner you're putting in that full energy. Small, consistent actions can make a big difference
What do you think are the main things you want to work on in these two months? It might help to have a clear idea of what you want to focus on
@clara selaboy You're doing everything right, Clara! I love that you've identified specific areas you want to work on. One thing that might help is to practice active listening. When your partner is talking, really try to understand what they're saying. Don't just think about how you're going to respond. I have to work on that myself. I get so caught up in my own thoughts that I forget to truly listen, which can really backfire later
Rather than that, I think you have everything figured out and all I can add is that it's all going to work out ❤️
@LILO Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking! Listening is huge, unfortunately I still suck at it LMAO
We hear the words but don't really process them. I catch myself doing that all the time. Like, my partner will be talking about their day, and I'm already thinking about what I'm gonna say next. It's a bad habit, but at least we're aware of it, right? That's the first step to getting better. I've been trying to focus on really hearing what they're saying, not just waiting for my turn to talk. It's hard though, especially when I'm tired or stressed
These next two months might be challenging, and they're also an opportunity to not only change the relationship, but to change yourself completely. And, you know, change is never easy, so I want you to keep going, even when it get tough. I hope things work out for you. You seem like a caring person who wants to make things right. That's a great start. Just keep trying, keep communicating with each other and everything's gonna be alright
@Melissa B. Thank you so much
I will do just that
@clara selaboy no problem! Good luck on your road to self-improvement, it's definitely worth the effort
Girl, I feel you. Awesome that you're taking responsibility and wanting to make things better. We're all human and we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you're trying to grow and improve. Sending you good vibes and hoping things work out for you two! What's your favorite way to show your partner you care about them?
@chelsey Thank you so very much for nice words.
my favorite way to show my man I care is, doing my he likes, being open to him, being vulnerable and respectful to him, and many other things .
@clara selaboy Aww, that's so sweet! I love that you're putting in the effort to make your man feel special. He's lucky to have you!! A happy you means a happier relationship. You could try some self-care activities together, like going for a walk or cooking a nice meal together? I'm sure things will get better. You got this, girl!! So proud of you!
i've had similar issues in my marriage, and i can tell you that it's possible to overcome these challenges with dedication and the right approach. the technique that worked wonders for my husband and i was implementing a daily check-in ritual. we'd set aside 15 minutes each evening to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences from the day. this helped us practice communication in a low-pressure setting
also learn about different communication styles. understanding that my husband and i had different ways of expressing ourselves helped us bridge the gap in our interactions. change doesn't happen overnight. it's a process that requires patience and consistency both for yourself and your partner. don't be too hard on yourself when you slip up, instead, view it as an opportunity to learn and do better next time. it's also important to maintain your individual identities while working on your relationship. make sure you're taking care of yourself, pursuing your own interests, maintaining a support system outside of your relationship. this can actually strengthen your bond as a couple
@t.c thank you
I get that you're worried about the communication problems and lack of transparency. I can tell you're committed to making changes. It must be stressful knowing there's a time limit, but try not to let that pressure you too much. Focus on being the best partner you can be and showing him how much he means to you. Just know that whatever happens, you're trying your best. If you need to talk more or just vent, I'm here to listen 🫂🫶
@Amber thank you so much
I really appreciate your concern and care.
from what i know, communication problems are the most common in relationships, but they can be fixed with effort. since you have two months to work on things, try to use this time very wisely. be honest about what you think is going wrong and listen to his side too. set some goals together for these two months. don't expect everything to be perfect right away. it's okay to make mistakes as long as you're trying to do better
also, think about why you might be having trouble with communication and transparency. are you afraid of something? do you have habits from past relationships that are causing problems?
@WildestFlower thanks for the support
I really appreciate
i had fears from growing up
In my experience, communication issues often stem from deeper insecurities or past traumas. It might be helpful to explore these underlying factors, perhaps with the help of a therapist or counselor. It's also important to ensure that your partner is willing to work on the relationship too - it can't be a one-sided effort. Try not to see those two months as a deadline, but rather as an opportunity to focus on growth and improvement. The goal isn't to become perfect, but to become better versions of yourselves, both individually and as a couple. Wishing you all the best!
@Lovell Thanks
I will take your advice
@Lovell well appreciated
@clara selaboy hey, really glad I could help, even just a bit! ✨
I'm going through something similar with my boyfriend right now. I'm curious, how did you figure out that you were part of the problem? I'm struggling with that myself. Sometimes I feel like I might be causing issues, but I'm not sure. It's hard to admit when we're the ones messing things up, isn't it? I keep wondering if I'm doing something wrong, but I can't quite put my finger on it. How did you realize it was you? Did your boyfriend point it out, or was it something you noticed on your own?
I feel so lost. I love my boyfriend so much, but we keep having these same arguments over and over. I don't want to be the problem, but what if I am and I just can't see it? It's scary to think about. It's great that you're trying to work on things. I wish I knew how to fix my relationship too
@lonely Hi
my boyfriend pointed out the issues to me,and I went back to think about it and i noticed it’s by fault we are having those occurring issues and I decided to work on it.
I think the first thing you should do is identify the problem first.
@clara selaboy Hi, thanks for sharing that. I guess I should try to talk to my boyfriend more about what he thinks the problems are. It's scary to ask, but maybe that's the first step. I'm just worried he'll say it's all my fault. But you're right, we need to know what the issues are before we can fix them
I really don't want to lose my boyfriend. He means so much to me. It's good that you have two months to work things out. I hope we can both make our relationships better. It's just so confusing sometimes
Hello,
For relationship to work yes agreed there should be transparency and communication which will help in establishing trust and bond in the relationship. Now for that transparency and communication to exist you need to first start it with you. When you be transparent and honest with yourself then it gets easier to replicate the same feelings in a relationship. You need to be honest with every emotion you feel. say you feel jealous, insecure or unhappy then say it out or write it out yes i felt this today but that is okay. When you are unable to communicate you only complicate things in your mind. So start accepting your emotion and then expressing it.
now next is to ask yourself why are you hesitant to communicate or be transparent? you feel you may hurt his feelings? or have you tried to speak to him honestly once and it did not go well with him? did you ever try being honest to anyone previously and that had affected the relationship (any past trauma)?
how would you like your communication with your partner to be different? see how can you inculcate those qualities in your relationship to make it better.
Do you ask each other your preferences. Do you have trust and faith in each other to say how ever you feel? these are important to build that communication. So you need to reflect on your relationship and see if you have the freedom to express without being hesitant. This will help in building healthy relationship.
Start spending quality time with your partner by understanding what does he prefer and sometimes based on your preferences. Start showing gratitude towards each other by appreciating him when required. Even start sharing your flaws and deepest fears which will allow your partner to know your core shelf. If you are not comfortable sharing with him first then ask him. See how transparent he is. Sharing flaws and fears would make your relationship more real and intimate.
You need to also check are you communicating when you overtly emotional. when you communicate at the time you are angry, upset, sad, stressed then you get deviated with the emotions than focusing on the issue. Pause and breathe. calm down then express your point of view when you are not emotional. Certain times you can write down the issue and talk about it later. Curbing your reaction instantly is the best way to not worsen the situation.
I hope this helps
@Veena Choudhary thank you very much
I really appreciate your support