Greetings everyone! I read here, on the site, stories of abandoned girls who do not know what to do and decided to write my story. We had a "guest marriage" for 9 years. That means we spent weekends together. All 9 years it seemed to me that this is a person who is mentally close to me. We told each other everything everything, trusted each other a lot. I was probably more supportive of him than he was of me. But I felt emotionally supported by him too. When I got sick, he gave me injections and personally took me to the hospital for surgery. They operated on my spine for three hours. Then I was lying down for a long time, and I couldn't walk properly. He hasn't visited me in the hospital once since my surgery. Our mutual friends brought me food, but he was never there. As I found out later, he decided that I would remain an invalid. So he decided to leave me. When I called from the hospital and asked him to take me home by car, he said I could order a car myself. I couldn't believe he could do that.

My friends picked me up from the hospital. They were also shocked at what my boyfriend had done to me. I went home to my parents' house. A couple of days later, he (my boyfriend) called and asked for help with our work. I thought he'd come to his senses and helped by making calls. But I was wrong. It wasn't any better afterward. I couldn't sit or walk for a long time, I could only ride in the car lying down. I needed help. He wouldn't take me anywhere. He wouldn't help me with groceries. After a month I was able to walk to our house (near my parents). I happily called, letting him know I could walk a little and was standing outside the house. He refused to come out. I was in despair, I could not realize the betrayal. When my friend took me to the doctor, I shared with her that I was now abandoned. That I was without a man, and who needs someone like me, like an invalid, after the operation.

A friend said to me, "Well, meet someone." I loudly told her "I can't even sit in a cafe for a meeting! It hurts me to sit for more than 20 minutes." To which she yelled, "If you can't sit, lie down! Do something." I guess it was a sudden jolt that made me want to overcome my illness. I don't know why they had such an effect on me, they made me laugh for a long time. Then somehow I was able to meet a guy a day later who helped me with everything. He took me to all the doctors, outdoors, just around town, and it didn't bother him that I couldn't walk well. He didn't let me go through a long betrayal and helped me get back on my feet. To all those who have been abandoned, I want to say, there was a bad guy, you will have a good one.

I just want to share everything that helped me on my journey (fighting anxiety and depression), in the hope someone with similar issues will read this and get inspired.

I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression basically since school, but I first visited a therapist only when I was 34. I guess I reached that point in my life when it was “fight or die” stage. My anxiety was so severe I could barely leave my appartment let alone make it to a psychiatrist’s. I had to reschedule my first sessions and postponed them for almost 3 weeks, until my anxiety to get a rejection was higher than the horror of attending. People who have never been in my shoes do not understand that all the good and reasonable suggestions to eat healthy food, do exercises and sleep well are simply irrelevant when you can barely get out of bed. These things are definitely correct, but they won’t lift you up by themselves when your body is deficient of all the good things and your mind is reeling with thoughts “you’ll never get better”. I regret that I avoided medication and getting diagnosed for so long, just because I believed it was giving up. It’s right the opposite: when you’re a misfunctioning hopeless human being, you’re giving up! When you find the strengths to ask for help, you’re making steps towards healing. I’ve been taking medications ever since and see a psychologist regularly. I found a job that suits my needs, after a year of guilty procrastination. My social life has improved so much that I can actually meet new people and am making first tentative efforts to get back to good physical state.

Here’re some crucial changes that immensely helped me after I’ve started therapy:

* Hybrid work, which later turned to contract work. I’ve been stuck in that duality thniking that there’s either a full-time office job or no job, and nothing else can pay my bills. That’s such a ton of bullshit! A stressful job is your one-way ticket to burnout, panic attacks, and depression. You are not your job, don’t waste your health on it.

* Very strict diet. I don’t mean avoid junk food. I mean, forget about snacks, coffee, sugary stuff, and alcohol. I went gluten-free, and I believe it made a difference. This may sound like depriving yourself of the joys of food. Trust me, if you have problems with your gut (and 90% of people with mental health problems do), all your other attempts will get nowhere until you fix your gut. Everything is interconnected in the body.

* Forget about all social networks and all news outlets, except messengers (focused communication). The world is not your problem, until you solve your own problems.

* Nature and animals. Again, the first advice for people fighting social anxiety is to find friends, to socialize more... When your battery is super low, you won’t find the energy to connect with people. And they won’t have any idea what’s happening in your life, so social situations may only get you down and increase your feelings of anxiety and “loser moments”. I began my journey to inner harmony with reading books on human brain, depression and healthy habits. I have no beaches or mountains nearby, so I went out of my way to drive to the nearest wilderness every weekend. I had to make myself do it the first few times, but now it’s a habit, and it motivated me to start cycling. Most importantly, it helped me find my way to me, and stop worrying about lacking something, like relationships, etc.

To sum up, the journey out of complete darkness is dead hard. But everyone can do it, starting with professional help. Thanks for reading!

Long story short. My childhood was fraught with stress, negativity, and neglect. To escape, I turned to gambling. Eventually, it became a way of life for me, and I even made a living from it. However, I lost a significant amount of money along the way. The issue is that whenever I try to quit, I don't have anything else to fill the void. Additionally, my family's gatherings usually revolve around gambling, and we've been doing it for decades. The thought of doing something different seems impossible to me. I feel paralyzedю I'm uncertain if or how I can change this. It's like being slowly tortured with no way out. I guess need help. Any guidance or input could be a lifesaver.

I’ve struggled with OCD since I was 9 years old. It started out as an obsessive fear that my family members would get in a car accident and die. I did all these odd rituals involving the number four (number of members in my immediate family) and I really had no idea what was happening or why until years later, when I started seeing a therapist as a teenager.

Long story short, it’s been a long struggle and my OCD has taken on many different forms over the years. What could be described as religious trauma in high school triggered my OCD to take on a religious theme where I was living in constant terror that I would go to hell for any number of reasons, and obsessively praying for repentance for hours every day. That’s not a type of OCD that’s often talked about, but for me, it was by far the most distressing.

Anyway, I overcame that to an extent (though I still struggle with anxiety in religious contexts) and my most recent OCD fixation has been with germs and contamination - eventually I found my way to this “classic” type, I guess. But I had a small yet significant victory the other day that I wanted to share in case it might encourage someone who is also struggling. Since COVID lockdown ended, I’ve had a really hard time with “public” germs and feeling a need to “decontaminate” before touching anything when I get home. This is especially true when I’ve used a public restroom - I’ve felt like I have to immediately change my clothes to avoid contaminating anything. Just a few months ago, I actually burst into tears because I couldn’t figure out how to get upstairs to change my clothes without contaminating my socks and then the entire upstairs floor with the public restroom germs on the floor around me from my shoes.

Well, the other day, I got home after having been in public and having used the public restroom, and without changing my clothes, I SAT ON THE FREAKING COUCH! Sounds very small if this isn’t something you relate to, but it was a huge step I’ve been working towards for months.

It takes time and effort and fear and frustration, but…the feeling of freedom when you finally manage to push through the nagging thoughts is beyond worth it. I still have lots of work to do, but I’ve taken a step in the right direction and you can, too. One step at a time.