Where do I even begin..

For years I wondered why am I so different,only to find out on my own during a tiktok that hey you might have ADHD combined..I come from a strict religious family where mental health is looked down upon,that if you suffering with anything pray and it will go away.but it's not at a point where that isn't enough.im stuck in a house of toxicity where I'm beginning to feel more and more overwhelmed.at first I just thought it's my personality,until it started spilling into my personal life,that I've been unemployed for so long as my ADHD seems to get worst and worst,I can't go to a doc to get diagnosed as I got helicopter parents and I'm a introvert.they will disown because they feel it is spirits and not a real problem.ive never felt so stuck in my entire life.im always the one they look to for all help,any problem they throw it on me,when I have issues I got no one, because I don't get heard.i get shunned away.that now it's got to a dangerous point.where it's bubbling ,all the emotions.i got no friends,not one,all the friends use me,and when I speak out and set boundaries they leave.i got no other fam, besides my immediate in which they only add and add to my plate.i struggle to find work as my ADHD is at a bad place.i haven't been diagnosed by a doc but I know 99 percent I got it.i can't organize to save my life,I struggle to focus,I can't sit still,I talk alot,I hyperfocus,I struggle to remember or pay attention to people talking or detail.i want out so bad..out of this house ..so I can be alone.just to think and feel and be me,I have no identity away from my parents.they always around,I got no rships in any form because they always in my life making decisions for me.when I try speak up about it,I get guilt tripped or get religious stuff thrown in my face.i am a very loveable and good hearted person but now it's at the point of my mental health,I have even through of suicide.because I feel cornered.i got nobody and nothing,I am very independent but can't find work because of this ADHD.i can't even be on medication because my parents don't believe in that,I tried other pain tabs,cannabis and nothing works.i just want to feel human,I feel like a robot instead,my brain never switches off,I struggle to sleep.i feel like I don't own my life..my parents are my life,I'm 27 and feel 10.they decide it all for me.ive never had people just be there for me in my life they always use me,or take advantage or better yet get close to me to spread gossip and my story to other people.i feel all alone...I'm tired of the arguments in my house,it's taking a toll on me,mentally even physically I've been getting sicker and sicker and they don't even see or shrug it off.im so confused,lost,depressed,in a bad space.i feel trapped in my room.waiting,but waiting for what? When I know no one's coming to my rescue..been currently unemployed I can't even buy stuff, everything is money,so that adds because now my parents pressure me.yet I'm at breaking point mentally,even if I had to start work I'd probably commit suicide or get fired after a day.. because my mental is at such a fragile place.idk how much more I can take till I break...I see others my age,get married,have boyfriends,go out on vacations,go to the mall and I hate myself more and more,I hate social media because it just reminds me of how bad I am in my situation.i never had a easy life,my childhood was worst.and I hate to be a victim or look for sympathy so I've bottled it in for years,and I guess this is the result of years of trauma.now I find comfort in been alone..I just want quiet and peace.but instead I get overwhelmed...I've never fitted in and I didn't have a problem with that when I was younger Until now,when I get shown other people's pics by my mom of what they doing etc.its the same routine everyday,monotonous.that many occasions I don't even want to wake up at all.i just need help or any direction..besides the one I'm in right now.

2 years ago I was navigating life on autopilot. I was steering with no real sense of direction or genuine care. I was drinking myself to death for fun and was complicit in what could've been changed with hard work and effort. But it was unknowingly meeting and briefly dating a covert narcissist that encouraged me to re-evaluate myself and get my shit together.

He traumatised me so badly it un-traumatised me. I cut liquor cold turkey, sought out professional help, started volunteering, joined support workshops, picked up boxing and began actively exercising. Now, I'm 2 years sober and no longer surviving but actually LIVING. I'm alive, present and thriving. I'm still ironing out a few creases but I'm sincerely happy to have all that I do while still working for what I want.

Next to being 2 years sober, November 14th will make 5 years last I self harmed. Sobriety and professional help has saved my life, next to volunteering and cultivating a healthier support system for myself. My skin is clear, my scars are fading, and I overall feel as good as I can for the situations I’m tackling. These past 2 years have had their ups and downs but 2024 is one of the best years of my life.

I’ve reached many milestones, achieved personal goals, met awesome people, and so much more. I’m thankful for everything this year has brought me, good and bad. I know that 2025 will be even better and I’m excited to ensure that for myself.

That’s why I’m sending so much love and strength to anyone who’s struggling right now. Whether you’re battling addiction, health complications, familial issues, trauma or anything in between, I want you to know that it does get better and you’re not alone. I know things feel impossible in the moment but please give yourself grace and know that recovery isn’t linear.

Try not to compare yourself to others with support systems and acknowledge that your best is enough. Understand that not all of your hardships aren’t your fault. It’s hard I know and I’m certain you’re tired, but you’ll power through. I hope that the rest of this year and next is good to you. 🎈

As of August 10th, 2024 I’m 1 year and 9 months sober. While sobriety wasn’t intended, it was surviving a covert narcissist that used alcohol as a means to continuously assault me that inspired the journey. Among other things, getting my shit together was all I cared to do after experiencing the hell I endured.

Now almost 2 years later I’m alive and thriving. I’m navigating life with a sense of direction and everything I do comes from a place of love. I’m slowing down, giving myself time to process things, I’m trusting my intuition more and fearlessly pursuing my passions.

June 30th, 2024 I met someone at a concert. Instantly, we hit it off and started going on dates. It was followed by frequent texting, regular dates, breathtaking sex, conversations about the future and sharing bits of our pasts. Everything seemed well, until it didn’t. Even with me creating safe spaces to have open discussions about concerns, it resulted in me having to disassociate because my intuition and body started to warn me something was wrong.

For full context please refer to my previous, recent post (Listen To Your Body)

I trust in my decision more than anything to separate from whatever doesn’t positively serve me, however because I wanted to give myself closure, I caved and responded to the texts my now former romantic interest sent. I understand that closure might not be achievable in every conflict but possible, I’d like to give it to myself and whoever else.

Before reaching responding to the texts, I gave myself time to mentally and emotionally prepare. I wrote down questions like, “Why am I reconnecting?”, “What do I want to say?”, “What am I expecting to gain out of this interaction?”, etc. Once I gathered myself, I responded communicating my grievances and asked to arrange time for us to speak.

After scheduling everything, I went on to enjoy celebrating 21 months sobriety. It started with me waking up feeling refreshed. I spent 15 minutes cleaning my room, I showered, cooked myself breakfast and caught up on current events. Then I worked through my self care routine. I checked in with friends, gifted a stranger a handmade care package, played in the park, brought some protection charms I plan to give loved ones, and spent the evening relaxing at home.

This evening at 18:00, August 11th, he’s coming over to speak. I’ve already prepared and decided that I’m going to go no contact for good, but I want to give him a protection charm to wish him well. After everything, I don’t think that we’d be a great fit for one another and the conflict of interests would create unhealthy tension. Recognising this, I’d rather us work on ourselves/priorities until we find someone’s whose desires are in alignment with our longterm goals.

Initially acknowledging this hurt, but I’ve taken all the time to reflect so now I’m able to have this conversation from a levelheaded perspective. Even though everything was short lived, I appreciate getting to experience what I imagine healthy conflict in a relationship would look like. It gives me hope, and I’m glad I had this learning opportunity. My heart will hurt every now and then reflecting but it’s for the best.

I am a muslim girl from India studying in engineering college and currently in 2nd year. I have Social Anxiety from years , I am fed up of this and I am posting here since last 2 years and I am in same position from last year's , I have no improvement in my anxiety , I want to attend public speaking classes , but there is no classes here with this. I want to improve myself. I gave exams of 3rd sem , last exam was on 7th dec , after my holidays started , and my college will start from 30th dec , and I am in anxiety from starting of my holidays and my anxiety just increase because we are having our director of the college as our subject teacher , she will teach us one subject from this sem , thinking about this really making me anxious. She is very strict about timings , uniforms etc. I don't wear uniform and wear a burkha and cover my face with a mask because of two reasons that we have to cover ourselves in our religion and due to my anxiety.

I don't have any problem with the first one but now because our director will teach us , she will only allow us with uniform, she said we are only allowed to wear a stole not more than that , not a face mask too , its really making me stressed , anxious and what not. I will not comfortable without the mask because I can hide my expressions, my anxiety. I @m thinking that people will judge my looks , my appearance and I am an fat , overweight girl, I will not look good in the uniform , the uniform we have to wear is shirt and jeans or t shirt. Everyone will make fun of me , and it's not only in my head , may be some of them really make fun of me , I have saw that , the attendance we have to maintained above 75 in a single subject. I cannot bunk my classes too , last time I have avoided my presentation, I have posted that problem too , this time it's more serious, I was thinking that I should leave this but my parents have already paid so much of their money , they will get so dissappoint. I can't do this too because it will spoil my future too and I don't want to play with my future but what can I do. Is there any idea that I can reduce my social anxiety within one week.

How can I attend classes this sem without warring my burkha and a mask, how can I answer the questions if any faculty asked me in front of everyone especially without a mask. I have no confidence in myself. It takes me so much time for me to relax in the class. If any faculty said that we have to explain or etc , my body start to shiver , I get lost in my overthinking zone. I can't speak this to my parents too , they already have so much stress and I don't want to give them another. Please help me to overcome this. There is so much that I am dealing in my life but it will get too long here.