I have such a situation. We have a grandmother in our family. We love her, and we take care of her as much as we can. She still lives alone, so she wants. I, my sister, brother, mother take turns coming to her. Who will clean up, who will cook to eat. Although her character has deteriorated greatly from old age, and it is simply impossible to do much. You can't move things. She's screaming. When she loses things, she thinks she's been stolen. We are not offended. It happens that she thinks that we treat her badly. But this is not the case. She's just touchy. But this is all prehistory. My sister was cleaning her closet and said that we should all be ashamed of Grandma's bad clothes. We decided to buy her a jacket, skirt, tights and more. It's not difficult for us. But it's hard to change your grandmother into a new one. We decided that we would somehow convince. Just her birthday is coming soon. I was the first to go to the store. I realized that I didn't know the size of my grandmother. I called all the relatives, and it turned out that no one knew. My sister said "buy it approximately." But how so?it is necessary that it "sit" normally. My brother said that if we asked my grandmother for the size, she would understand everything and there would be no surprise. He's right. "Well, measure your grandmother," said the sister. "What should I say to my grandmother?" My sister couldn't find anything to say. Well, measure it secretly. I went to my grandmother's house and waited for her to fall asleep. I began to measure her, and she quickly woke up. She asked me what I was doing, and I somehow "excused". I told the whole family about it. We decided that since grandma doesn't swear, she forgot. my sister went second. she decided to measure her grandmother's clothes. It didn’t work out either, the grandmother indignantly asked what she was doing. and then my brother just called like a man and asked “grandmother, what is the length and width of your body?” It was trash. He thought it was some kind of “conspiracy”. Grandma started screaming that now she knows for sure that we are ordering a coffin for her birthday. She, it turns out, remembered how I measured her. We are all ashamed, and grandma is offended at us. Her birthday is coming soon, and we need to make peace and give gifts. There are no granny sizes.

After every conflict or argumrnt my boyfriend tends to give me silent treatment and not contact me and acting like he is ending our relationship; if the argument is started by me then its my mistake to bring out the problem and if the argument is started bt him then again its my mistake that i did something for him to complain.

he is always right and he says i act like this..

from past manyyy arguments i break silence and text him first.

Beacause you forget ego when you are hurting.

now, i am done eith this i want to seee how granted i am taken…

if i wont go; will it really end? Will he never initiate to solve problem? Will he blame me for not coming…

Salutations and apologies for this terrible title, but to simplify everything - that's what I truly feel from day to day basis, but not quite that, so let me explain.

It's honestly weird. I am a normal guy by all means. Sure, got bullied a bit like all, but I fought back relentlessly, but there was something I never could fight back.

I grew up in a not so decent home with parents who acted more like teenagers, with all of the insecurities and lack of maturity. They always would put me through a rollercoaster of emotions that I, to this day, do not understand. At one instance, I was their beloved kid, worthy only of praise, yet, moments later, I would get beaten, ridiculed, diminished and get told that I "was a failed piece of shit", apologies for my language, and that I "should've been aborted".

Mind you, that was told to me by my beloved mother, who was the whole world to me growing up, and yet she would say such awful things to me, abusing me both physically and mentally, and then she would forget (or pretend to, for all I know) that she ever did anything bad to me, and it was extremely confusing to me while I was younger.

As I got older though, I understood her more. She was a victim of far more abuse, so my siblings would tell me "not to take it close to heart" and to "man up and stop whining". I tried. I failed. I tried again, and so on.

My siblings...

I am the youngest kid in the family, so of course everyone looked at me like I was treated like royalty, and they were jealous that they "didn't get that love and pamper that I receive", so no wonder they would get mad at me. In their eyes, I was a milksop complaining about overeating again, and they were starving children.

I got beaten up a lot by my brother growing up. Got cracked bones from all of that and minor brain damage. Was told that "it ain't a big deal" and to man up again. I failed and tried.

They, however, all of them, mother and siblings, would relentlessly dump their trauma and frustrations onto me, like I was a mop used to clean up stains of rotten juice and urine, yet I didn't complain, even when they would start to get physical in venting out their frustrations by hitting me.

I was raped by a woman at the age of 13. I didn't tell my siblings, for they would only sing their same old song, and didn't tell to my parents, for fear of ridicule and abuse. So, in my defiled, awful state, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

That was my first suicide attempt. It failed due to a stranger helping me. I sometimes curse that tourist for that to this day for cutting the rope, and myself for not properly checking the forest. Then came another attempt - same happened, but this time the dead branch snapped. So I tried again, and on the fourth attempt, I got scared of ending it all. I mean, funerals are expensive, and I wouldn't want to burden my family even more, so I decided to stop.

It didn't last long. My mother had another meltdown, and she and my brother beat me up severely, but no one really cared about that, except for my nephews and niece, who tried to comfort their young, beaten and scared uncle, while themselves shivering and crying too.

That day, I tried to shoot myself with my father's shotgun, but it jammed on me. I remember thinking to myself something among the lines of "I am cursed."

Due to all of that, my father and mother had a big fight, and I moved to a town where my sister lived. I finished 9th grade there, and went to a post-soviet analogue of a trade school to study geophysics.

It was rough. I lived in a terrible dorm, and studied in an environment even worse. The professors there where absolute assholes who were basically failed geologists and geophysics trying to feel better about themselves by abusing students and misusing their rights as educators to simply be assholes for the fun of it.

My mental health worsened. I couldn't get help because I then would get kicked out for not meeting the qualifications, and I didn't want to disappoint my parents even more. I finished it, and now I am a geophysical technician, heh.

Point is, I don't think anyone or anything can help me anymore. No one cares about me. Nobody. I am completely alone, at least I feel like it. And I also feel like a failure. I mean, I had 9 attempts that didn't put me down, what can you call a guy like that?

So, I guess I do deserve all of it. I deserve to be ridiculed, not taken seriously and beaten when I get out of my line, so I just wonder why.

Why shouldn't I kill myself?

Why does God, or the universe, or whatever/whoever you, the person reading this, believes, why does it not let me end this pathetic existence with some dignity?

And more importantly - how can I become normal again? Just how?

i'm 18 yrs old and my parents are disappointed in me that don't earn. these days i 've been constantly thinking about taking my life myself. mom always scolds me for not doing house hold chores she often reminds me that i' m 18 and should do these works but i don't feel like doing anything . i'm a very introverted person i can't tell some one all these things while they are in front of me. i am a ncc cadet i joined because i wanted some exposure. i even got selected for a camp. but got rejected in the middle but my freind was able to get a gold medal .it made me feel worthless as i looked at her walking with pride while holding her medal. i am not able to concentrate on my studies due to pressure from home and college and my disappointments in my self .most of the time ,people don't talk to me sometimes they forget me altogether but i am fine with that but i feel like everyone has got a talent and during ncc, everyone s either good on ground or culturals or studying i feel like i do not belong in there i am fat i have no stamina, as a result i cannot perform as well as others do. always feel like a looser . so from a very young age, i imagined myself as a very popular celebrity to whom every one is looking up at for her great success in her young age . i find myself always day dreaming into the character .that resulted me in pushing my real self far away . now i cannot find what i want or need. i find myself at loss. i don't have a goal in my life i cannot find my passion i like two things music/singing and english. i love singing and always dreamt to become a singer but as i am shy and worried of others comments, i have'nt told to any one. but i tried i once sung at home and to my friends but did not get an appreciative response so i stopped cause i only find solace in my voice i am also fond of dancing i always try but always get degraded so i sing and dance in private hiding it from my own family for years .it s hard .as i said i cannot talk freely . love books it lets me escape the cruel reality of the world even now when i think of dying,i feel sad to leave a collection of my books unread

please help me this is my last resort. am very disappointed ashamed and embaressed of my self