I want to share my state of powerlessness...despondency, and confusion, which has been weighing on me. I don't know what to do at all, and from the fatigue of the situation I am lethargic, I feel like I am in a fog.

I don't work much, but I am very tired of the family situation...I have three children living with me, my mom, my husband. My husband and I have known each other since childhood, he is a wonderful man. I think he's kind, but he has another half: the dark half. Sometimes he starts talking nonsense. He starts telling me that he's seen me in certain situations, but I know for a fact that I wasn't in those situations.

For example, he tells me how I betrayed him and was there for his friend, him and something else I stole. I argue to the point of hoarseness that I was somewhere else that day, but it doesn't help. If I don't talk to him, he follows me around and interrogates me. He wants confessions and revelations. But this is not one such story, there are many. Which were, but probably only in his imagination. This situation is making me sick. And my inner state affects my outer life. It's important for me to be in charge of my own life. It was like he smoked cannabis and I appeared to him in hallucinations. Then he'll blame me for what I did in his hallucination. Because he often doesn't separate his hallucinations and real life. When he argues with me, he gets aggressive. How can I prove the truth to him? I've argued a lot, but it doesn't work. Our fighting is bad for the kids, and my mother. They are dumbfounded by the text of the accusations against me.

No, really. Everyone and everything keeps reminding me of it daily. Even you here, people, talking about your families, spouses, children… I’m 36 and I’ve never had a serious relationship. I have no house, and my savings will never be enough for a mortgage in my expensive area, even with my pretty good IT wages. I've been working in the same job for 6 years. I have no special skills or talents, apart from computer stuff. I have no close friends. I’ve lost contact with uni friends years ago, but I know they’re all parents now or having dazzling careers. My coworkers always have plans for the weekend. My health is not as good as it used to be. Everyone seems to make progress in life. It’s only me stuck in a rut, at a loss what to do with myself. I don’t envy or hate anyone, it’s more like I hate myself. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, and I’ve pushed away everyone who tried to help me. I cringe at the thought that I may one day meet my uni friends, and have nothing to tell them about what I’ve been doing all these years. For I’ve been doing nothing, like a loser.

I’m in such a weird situation! Seven weeks ago, I gave birth to my firstborn. It’s a long-awaited baby, I’ve been trying to get pregnant for five years and was in the final stages of preparing for IFV, when I met this young man and fell in love for a short while. I knew he was not ready for a family from day one when we were playing board games and the only association he had with “nuptials” was “trap”. But he seemed such an asset, 25 y.o., handsome and healthy. I fell for his genes more than for his character. His mother is a superb woman, and she likes me despite the fact that I’m 8 years older than her son. We can come visit her, and I’ll spend more time talking to her than my partner. When I found out I was pregnant, I told my partner, and then I texted my mother and his mother. Their reaction was overwhelmingly positive, and that somewhat brightened up my partner’s reaction, who simply said, “What? It can’t be”, then looked at my test and went out to the supermarket. I wasn’t waiting for flowers and a cake, of course, but it was dispiriting to see that he was shaken and… afraid? Perhaps I should feel guilty that I used him for my own purpose. Then again, I assured him I wouldn’t need his financial support if he didn’t want to get involved. His mother was very enthusiastic, she patronized me throughout my pregnancy like no one else. I think she even beat my doctor! Honestly, it was nice, and I appreciate it!

I’ll try to keep this short. We stayed together during all my pregnancy. Only I was ecstatic about it, while my partner was just there, perhaps thanks to his mother. My daughter was born a healthy girl, with curly blond hair and gray eyes, while both me and my partner have dark hair and dark eyes. The first thing my partner said when he saw her was she wasn’t his. I was shocked to the point where I couldn’t even argue. I stood there next to his mother and my dad and could cry for the hopelessness of it all. The doctor explained to us that sometimes babies are born with lighter hair, which will change later in life. Even the colour of their eyes may turn from gray to hazel. Thanks God my partner’s mother has grey eyes, so he didn’t focus too much on that at least. He insisted on a paternity test and moved out to live with his mother until we got the results. I suppose the only thing I felt back then was emptiness. It wasn’t even disappointment, I was past that stage during my pregnancy. Anyway, the test showed he was the father (obviously!). His mother, who had been very neutral during all those nervous days, changed her tone and was nice and caring again. She came to help me with the newborn, and two weeks later my partner said he was ready to move in again. We live under one roof again, and we live like neighbors. I don’t know why he’s even doing it. He wasn’t excited about becoming a father in the first place. I was ready to bear this alone, and I still am, but I value all the attention my partner’s mother has shown to me and my daughter. Is it selfish that I don’t want to lose it? I don’t know whether I want to keep living together with her son, there’s nothing between us. I need a grandmother for my daughter more than a father, it’s so ridiculous.

I have such a situation. We have a grandmother in our family. We love her, and we take care of her as much as we can. She still lives alone, so she wants. I, my sister, brother, mother take turns coming to her. Who will clean up, who will cook to eat. Although her character has deteriorated greatly from old age, and it is simply impossible to do much. You can't move things. She's screaming. When she loses things, she thinks she's been stolen. We are not offended. It happens that she thinks that we treat her badly. But this is not the case. She's just touchy. But this is all prehistory. My sister was cleaning her closet and said that we should all be ashamed of Grandma's bad clothes. We decided to buy her a jacket, skirt, tights and more. It's not difficult for us. But it's hard to change your grandmother into a new one. We decided that we would somehow convince. Just her birthday is coming soon. I was the first to go to the store. I realized that I didn't know the size of my grandmother. I called all the relatives, and it turned out that no one knew. My sister said "buy it approximately." But how so?it is necessary that it "sit" normally. My brother said that if we asked my grandmother for the size, she would understand everything and there would be no surprise. He's right. "Well, measure your grandmother," said the sister. "What should I say to my grandmother?" My sister couldn't find anything to say. Well, measure it secretly. I went to my grandmother's house and waited for her to fall asleep. I began to measure her, and she quickly woke up. She asked me what I was doing, and I somehow "excused". I told the whole family about it. We decided that since grandma doesn't swear, she forgot. my sister went second. she decided to measure her grandmother's clothes. It didn’t work out either, the grandmother indignantly asked what she was doing. and then my brother just called like a man and asked “grandmother, what is the length and width of your body?” It was trash. He thought it was some kind of “conspiracy”. Grandma started screaming that now she knows for sure that we are ordering a coffin for her birthday. She, it turns out, remembered how I measured her. We are all ashamed, and grandma is offended at us. Her birthday is coming soon, and we need to make peace and give gifts. There are no granny sizes.