First and foremost, I cannot stress enough how important it is to communicate your feelings to your friends. When something is bothering you, it's essential that you don't keep it to yourself. It could be a simple chat or a serious conversation, but the important part is to let them know how you're feeling. You need to let them know that their behavior is impacting you, and it's not in a good way. You should be able to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement, because that's what friends are for. You have to tell them that their words and actions are hurting you, and it's not just a minor annoyance, but it's making you feel insecure, which is a big deal.
One crucial point to think about is the nature of your friendship with these people. If they're truly your friends, they should respect you and value your feelings. But if they keep making inappropriate comments and jokes about you even after you've expressed your discomfort, then it's time to take a step back and re-evaluate your friendship with them. Ask yourself, "Are these friendships really fulfilling for me?" and "Are they supportive in other ways, or is this just a one-sided relationship?" If the answers to these questions are negative, it might be time to consider distancing yourself from them. It's a tough decision to make, but sometimes, for the sake of our own mental health, we have to let go of toxic relationships.
@GDreamy Another thing I'd strongly recommend is to find a support system outside of your current friend group. It's so important to surround yourself with people who appreciate and respect you for who you are, not who they want you to be. Consider joining a club or volunteering at a community center. You could also look for hobby groups in your area—there's usually a bunch for everything from book clubs to hiking groups. These can provide you with a supportive community outside your current friend group. You never know, you might end up making some great new friends who truly value your intelligence and personality. Plus, making these new connections can also help build your confidence, which sounds like something you'd benefit from right now.
Don't forget to work on loving yourself. It's so important to remember that you are worthy of respect and love, no matter what anyone else says. Take some time each day to focus on self-care and practice self-love. It could be as simple as taking a long bath, reading a book you love, or spending some time with your pet if you have one. The important thing is that you're doing something that makes you happy and brings you joy. Don't forget to remind yourself of your accomplishments and talents. There are things to be proud of! When you're confident in who you are, it's much easier to stand up for yourself in challenging situations and not let others' words get you down.
I want to tell you something that might be hard to hear: they're not your friends. I know it can be difficult to accept, but it's the truth. I was in a similar situation once, with a group of people I thought were my friends, but all they did was belittle me and use me as their punching bag. I felt just like you do now, unsure of how to stand up for myself. But then, I had a realization. I realized that these people kept me around just to make fun of me, to use me as their source of entertainment. It hurt, but it was the wake up call I needed to cut ties and find better friends.
@katie Your words hit me hard because I've been thinking the same thing. They're not my friends, are they? In addition to this group of friends, I have other friends who were shocked when I told them what was going on with me. They all say the same things you did. That I should leave. These are just people who like to laugh at me. I want to cut ties. I want to get away from them. But, I don't know how. I feel stuck. I feel trapped. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can stop talking to them. I'm scared. I'm scared of being alone. But, I know you're right. I need to find better friends. Thanks for being honest.
@fadelsallie857 I love your advice about finding a new support system. I have friends outside the group but new friends won't hurt I guess. I already volunteer at an animal shelter btw. And you're right, joining a club or a hobby group could be a good idea. It's just... I'm afraid of running into people like that now. I need to remember that not all people will act the same way. I need to find the courage to step out of my comfort zone. Thanks for reminding me.
@charli You've touched on something that I've been struggling with... loving myself. I think part of why their words hurt so much is because I've started believing them. I look in the mirror and all I see is the "dumb blonde" they joke about. I've forgotten how to see my accomplishments and all the things I should be proud of. I need to work on that. I need to love myself, but it's so hard when I feel like this. I'll try to focus on self-care and self-love, like you suggested. Thanks for your advice.
@GDreamy You're right. I've started to question the nature of our friendship too. It's such a tough call to make, though. These are people I've known for years, people I've shared so much with. But then, they turn around and make me feel like this. I've asked myself those questions before... It's just a tough pill to swallow.
@stargirle I appreciate your words, I really do. I've tried to talk to them before, but it's easier said than done. Sometimes, it feels like my words just go in one ear and out the other. Or they just take my words as another joke. I know I need to be persistent, but it's so hard when it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. It's not easy to express my feelings when the response is laughter or dismissal. But, I get what you're saying. I need to be more assertive. I need to make them understand how much they're hurting me. It's just... it's not easy. But I'll try. I guess I'm thinking now of ending this relationship bc my words just won't fix the issue here, I'm afraid.
You need to start setting more personal and logical boundaries for yourself. Your friends may not know that it must be bothering you as you also laugh it off. you need to practise assertive communication. Instead of reacting defensively or aggressively , express your thoughts in calm and confident way. As that is how you are as a person. you have calmly taken all the jokes and laughed over it. You should also respond back to them in firm way (assertively) stating you did not like it. see how do they respond for that or have you ever teased them back then see how do they react. This will also help you judging them as a friends if they can take back the joke in a fun way or understand your feelings. Assertively here means you can say them no its not funny or i don't like this joke in a firm tone but not rudely or you can say am i that important that you guys always talk about me. you can even say it with a smile. It's always good to let them know how you feel . By asserting yourself in a respectful manner you create an opportunity for open dialogs and mutual understanding. now even after that if they don't understand it's a call you take if you can handle the negativity
You said that you are different person when you are with your friends. next time when you are with them i want you to be aware of yourself and notice what behaviour is different and why? why do you portray to be different (is it conscious choice or you just don't realise it)? From how long you have been like this or is it from the beginning? are you trying to please someone in the group so you portray to be different?
Once you have become aware and able to answer the above question start writing it down those behavioural patterns you unconsciously had been displaying and how you have to consciously become aware and not in future display those to become part of the group. This will help you in the future.Becoming aware of your body language when you are with your friends will help you to work on those behaviour which is truly not you.
If they ever call you stupid you can speak back with confidence oh if i am dumb then how did i recently achieve this. have you all ever achieved it. you need to take control of situation.
You also need to take time for self care activities which will help you to relieve your stress. Write down your strength and accomplishments everyday and keep repeating to yourself. Start doing activities which you enjoy and meeting new people as well.