TL;DR : I have trauma but i am the only one who can support my family, my family have problem with each other, my 2 brothers is unemployed at age 35 and my parents want them to look for a job. I need suggestion about path that i choose, do i ask my 2 brother to left house to gamble if they can look for a job, if fail then it will worsen my mother health. do i stay home but it will eat up my mental health and worsen my trauma? or should i go on a journey and left everything behind?

First thing first, let me introduce my family. me male 21 yo, have 3 brothers (35 yo male, 35 yo male, 40+ yo male), my mother is 59+ yo and my father is 65+ yo. Lets start off from me, I am a final year university student pursuing IT bachelor degree. I have a job with average salary, and have 2 another side job that didn't really pay much. fortunatelly my job is online (IT job and teaching assistant). I have my own share of physical and verbal traume from elementary to high school, from being gank up and beaten up by lot of students, one school and the teachers avoid me because i am "different" and others. Of course i still got the side effect from it, like chest pain, severe anxiety, severe shaking, etc, but i have been having this side effect too long and now i am kinda can hold it off (but not too long).

for my father, he has some dark past like gambling, leaving my mother and my brothers, etc (I only heard the story from my mother and my brothers). but recently my father is kinda responsible and want to fix things up, problem is he still have some pride, and doesnt want to show that he is sorry up front by saying it but only want to do it through his action like helping around.

My mother, supposedly traumatized by my father past, she really hate him. recently my mother always starting up fight because he suspect my father do some stuff and always reminding my father about his past, of course my father denied it. I dont know who to believe honestly, but what i know from my own analyzing is both of them is right and wrong. but my mother is having bad though about my father so she always starting up fight over small problem, though my father isn't so innocent because he sometime hide stuff to buy smoke. honestly i dont know which side is right.

now for my oldest brother, he is the sole income of our family. my father is retired and having lot of debts from the past, so my brother always fill up the money problem. sadly recently my oldest brother got cancer, after 2 years fighting it, he is dead. the last year of his medication, i was helping him plus giving economy support from my recent job. To the point i need to lent some money from credit card, but its not so much (max is my 1-2 months salary) so yeah i can recover. Note that at this point i still fresh learning about my job and i must do my own thesis, and luckily my team for thesis have their own share of problem (my teammate is gone, i cant contact them). so me helping my brother can be said because i cant go on for my thesis because i cant fill my team task. after my brother died, i can contact 1 of my friend (from 2) and he agreed to help but still has its own problem. after some months gone i finally can finish my thesis and in february i will be graduating. The way to finish my thesis is really though, i must babysit my friend so he doesn't give up and left again. Okay back to my oldest brother, because he is gone now i must be the one who will be the sole income of my family. such irony tho, i just got some job and i must help my brother medication then i must support my family.

now for my 2 brothers who is twin, they are 35 yo and they are unemployed with 0 experience. At this day in my country it is impossible to look for a job, and dont start recommending me to ask them to start their own job because they have pride and dont want to do low people job. i tried to tell them but always failed because i am the youngest and i cant handle conflict too much (side effect of my trauma and past). my parents is ashamed because of this and want me to help them look for a job, and its freaking impossible because i cant order them, i only can give them some pointer and THEY DIDN'T DO IT PROPERLY, THEY ONLY DO IT SO THEY LOOK LIKE THEY ARE TRYING. There is no fking way they will get a job with their attitude, their criteria, and especially their 0 skill and experience.

My mother gotten really sick these past months, especially after my oldest brother dying. my 2 brothers not having a job been a problem to my parents because my parents is ashamed, plus the impact of my oldest brother dying. Now that i almost finished my study, i have path that i must choose. before that let me explain the relationship between my family, lets split my 2 brothers into A and B. so my mother is having a bad relationship with my father and she said herself that she cant live with my father alone. My father is having bad relationship with A because some religious stuff, A and B have problem with each other, and i have problem with B because my brother frame me of something i didnt do, at first i didnt do anything because of i dont want to cause a scene in front of my parents but after that i got the after effect of it by having bad dream about it (everyone know tho if B is framing me, they didnt help me because B is really hysterical and its easier if i back down). do note tho i dont really have good relationship with A.

Now for a path i can choose, or maybe the path that i can think right now :

1. Act as a Villain, ask both of my brother to leave or i dont support the economy. doing so will gamble if my brother left the house then they will be forced to look for a job, or if they fail then it will worsen my mother health. I can try to cover it up, but i dont know how far i can cover it up.
2. Stay home, do nothing, only interfere when conflict happenning or try to do something? i dont know. One thing i know that it will eat my personality, my mental health, i must act as a saint and let my brothers bully me so he wont become hysteric.
3. Left house, goes on journey to cure my trauma. problem is i only have limited money, i dont know if i have enough money to go on journey, cure myself up, plus supporting my family. And i dont know what happen if i left my family alone.

I know i left lot out detail in here, feel free to ask if you want and i will try to answer. Looking forward to any suggestion, Thanks!

I haven't really had friends in the last 5 years and I've never been in a relationship. Feels like I’m wasting the best moments of my life on the Internet. I feel empty and I sleep for 3-4 hours on most nights. I think I can’t make any offline friends. Zero people congratulate me with my Bday or send me text messages. The only person who calls me is my mom. I have no happy memories from the last seven years. I’m forever glued to my devices, waiting for another notification that someone liked my post or commented on all the social platforms I’m using. But lately I don’t enjoy talking to online strangers, it doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes I watch TikTok videos and cry cuz people have so much fun, loving friends and supportive families. I have nothing similar to what they have. No one spends Christmas in their bedroom watching anime. It’s only for losers like me. I get so lonely when I put away my phone, and I’m lonely when I use it cuz all those likes they are from passersby who don’t give a shit about me. Lately I play more video games and watch anime. It’s less painful than constantly scrolling the Internet. I can't bear the reality, so I've created my own where I don't have to feel anything. Sometimes I want to give it another try and get closer to some people I study with but it terrifies me. I try to tuck away feelings of despair and inadequacy but it keeps coming back and flooding me, saying no no, you keep falling down and stay alone. I think I got it from my mom who spends most of her time at work and has no husband and no friends except aunt. If only I could drink alcohol or smoke some, it’d be easier to look into the void. But the taste of alcohol makes me sick, I’m such a weirdo… I think I’ll just give up trying to change things

I hope you're all doing well. I'm reaching out today because I need some help and advice. I've been struggling with accepting the mistakes I've made in my life

To give you some context, I made some poor decisions in my early twenties. I dropped out of college, thinking I could make it on my own without a degree. I tried to start a business, but it failed miserably, leaving me in a lot of debt. I also hurt some people who were very close to me. One of my best friends stopped talking to me because I broke their trust. I regret these decisions every single day.

Now, in my thirties, I still carry the weight of those mistakes. I managed to go back to school and get my degree, but I feel like I'm always playing catch-up. My career is not where I imagined it would be, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to prove myself. Every time I look back, I feel like I wasted so many opportunities.

I also feel like a bad person because of the relationships I damaged. I was insecure and thought everyone was against me so I just stopped talking to a lot of good people that cared for me.

Sometimes, I find myself avoiding situations where I might make mistakes again. This means I miss out on new opportunities because I'm too scared of failing. I’,m avoiding people because I’m afraid I'll fail them again. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to learn from my past and be a better person, but I don't know where to start.

I try to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes, even those who seem to have everything together. I know that making mistakes is part of being human, but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept my own.

hello there,

i am a creator who posts online and i started to gain more followers recently (but i'm not that famous at all it's just enough for me!) and there is a girl that few times tried to take the spotlight from me, i don't want it to sound narcissistic, it's just that it gives me bad vibes, for me it's a form of jealousy:

earlier a celebrity made a contest for anyone to participate.

this girl who is a creator like me won it, i was genuinely happy for her! she deserved, what she created was really good!

we all thought it would have one winner but later this celebrity chose a second winner, me?!? tbh i wasn't believing it. this girl and i were both hyping each other up.

but then the celebrity followed me, he also interacted a lot with me and my creations, and!!! he even asked under my own post, to make an other thing for him, everyone saw it was directed to me, they congratulated me and were expecting my work.

and then guess who didn't stay in her lane? this girl. she was contacting him to take the opportunity given to me, she was like "look i did what you asked for, i really hope i will be choosen" girl it's not a contest it's a personal commission this time? and the fact she already had her moment of fame and she is a CREATOR makes me even more confused, like why do you need to steal. but i stayed silent because idk seems like people online didn't react to this weird move...

tbh it started to make me really anxious because it's not the first time a person seeing i'm winning with my creations is trying to take it from me and erase me.

then i realized it was actually not the first time she tried to squeeze herself in my business. by the past i saw online she tried to talk like me, when someone asked me something she replied under things like "i can do it!", one time she wanted to make a collab with me but i understood later it was probably to get the attention of the celebrity because since he was following me she could get noticed too. i work on a concept, guess who suddenly works on it. more recently i saw her irl at an event i worked hard for, she tried to present her stuff too (i mean i think it's ok to promote yourself but since it's her i didn't see it the same way) when i was talking she was repeating the same sentence right after, tried to make the same moves as me when there was music to dance on, but not in a "yey let's go flashmob" way but more in a i "will become you" way.

about the opportunity it was cancelled because i have been attacked by jealous fans and i had to close my acc, the celebrity have choosen to stop everything and i won't be mad at him.

but even in this moment she showed some weird behaviors, while everyone was trying to defend me and send me words of support, she was bragging online "what did y'all do that to MY friend, i will send her msgs everyone don't worry" as if she was the hero of the situation or my bestest friend, while in private she didn't reach out until days.

she finally sent a msg, but it wasn't to ask how i was but to say "i'm kinda frustrated this means we will not have opportunities with this celebrity anymore" how selfish and greedy.

it's kinda hard to confront a person about this copy paste behavior so i just try to limitate my interactions with her but this injustice makes me really nervous, what if in the future she win by cheating?

how would you have handled this situation?