It's been a year I'm struggling with my life. My self confidence got to low I can't go to public areas without wearing mask I'm really addicted to this face mask after since covid. I really want to go outside freely without any fear but I can't, even I had tried once to go outside without wearing it but I couldn't my face my whole body started to act abnormal I was so much anxious I can't even look at people's faces and I ran speedy toward my home and cried so badly why I have became so weak so weird. Before I was not used to these mask things I'm really frustrated I don't know what to do how to fix it. I'm really depressed and sometimes I feel like it's better to die

Hey everyone, before you criticize me, I’d like to say I don’t want anyone to escape depression the way I did. I feel like crap, and I don’t even know why. I thought I had found the answer. My friend read about it on the dark web, that it can fix some mental issues. I’ve been having serious family problems, and I’ve had depression pretty much forever. When he brought acid tabs, I didn’t doubt for a second. The first time I tried microdosing, it was amazing and euphoric!! Was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt comforted and safe, with no anxiety, no worries. Like a warm hug for my mind. For the first time in a long time, I felt some relief from the darkness that had been consuming me. But now I’ve tried it again, twice the dose this time. And it was super weird and scary. The acid only magnified my fears and made my current depressive episode much worse. I lay in bed for seven hours, trying to get rid of hysteria and extreme self-loathing, my thoughts just kept going and going. I couldn’t think clearly. I was glad when the worst part was finally over. I feel completely exhausted. What has gone wrong? Is it about the dose, does it matter so much? I’ve read that it’s not addictive. Not like any hard drugs. My friend assured me it’ll send me on a trip of self-exploration and give me a clearer vision of what to do next. It wasn’t like that the first time, but it was a pleasant feeling. This second time was very sad. It’s inexplicable. Unless it means I somehow got physically addicted to acid the first time so that it doesn’t help me anymore? I don't know what to do now. The one thing that I thought was helping me has turned against me, and I feel trapped and even more broken than before. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, but I can't keep living like this. I'm tired of pretending that everything is okay when it's not. I just want to feel like myself again. I was promised some relief. Why did it not work the second time?

I don't know what's going on. Hi everyone, I'm 18 and I'm a lesbian. When I was a kid I liked guys, but then around 13-14 when I found out that you can like girls, I felt like I liked them more...? (so I think I might have daddy issues or something like that, so. I used to kind of like guys, but I really like their attention to this day. Like, "I'm in a relationship with a girl, but if this guy gives me attention that would be cool! I like to be the center of attention!" I don't think I'm bi because I can't imagine having sex with a guy or being in a relationship. I feel comfortable to be with a girl and I would like to live my life with her, I like to get attention from a girl, kisses, etc... now let's get to the problem. when I realized that I am not hetero, in my country everything was more or less fine with same-sex relationships...how? nobody cared about it. I was in a long distance relationship with a girl for 2 years and I loved her and she kind of loved me too. as I realized after the breakup, our relationship was not healthy at all. She lied to me, she ignored me a lot, she seemed to love me but sometimes she could just get offended. she lied about everything, about being raped by a guy, about the people she was dating, she said her parents beat her up, etc. I was a fool and really believed it all (although I had my doubts and they were justified). eventually she started to ignore me a lot saying "that's it, we're breaking up". one time we had a political fight and she wanted to break up with me, but she kind of gave me a second chance. I didn't know she was seeing someone else at the time...as time went on, I experienced the same insults from her friends. And when I said, "Don't hang out with that person, they talk shit about me, I don't like it, but it's your choice. I didn't push too hard but it was in this context approximately (before that she insisted that I stop communicating with my friend or she would leave me, I had to do it) another situation happened: she had a friend who lived next door to her and they didn't communicate live but often texted each other. My ex liked to make herself cool and pretend that she was experienced in sex. At the time I was a virgin and did not really talk about sex with her, I was not really comfortable, but something I trusted her. and once my account in the app was blocked and I asked her for a while, she said "no problem" and in the dialog with this guy I accidentally saw "My girlfriend is such a slut, she does fisting". I was shocked. I had never done that in my life...I cried for a long time after that, because I felt uncomfortable and like I was humiliated. Also there was something like "my girlfriend has big tits, like two planets" this was also unpleasant for me, especially the fact that she tells this to a guy I don't even know. after a few months she started to ignore me hard, just write rarely, I could write to her she sits online, but does not answer, just reads. it drove me to tears and hysterics..I thought that everything will be fine, but I thought that everything will be fine. but when we were on the call and I was discussing our future like "oh, it would be cool if we got a kitten" it was at this point that she said "I want to break up with you" (I think it's very nasty of her to do that at this point) I started crying, begging her, etc...but she just told me to fuck off and disconnected. Then I texted her "can we be friends?" she said no and I accepted it...But the most disgusting thing was that when I was crying and suffering she just texted me "I'll think about it till morning and tell you my decision" I was broken and cried all night, hoping that in the morning she would say it's ok etc...She woke up and texted me "I'm blocking you, bye! "After a few days I found out that she had cheated on me. she immediately started dating a girl the day we were separated. and that girl turned out to be a friend who humiliated and insulted me..hmmm so there you go! now I have a new girlfriend who loves me to bits and treats me well and with respect.

But the problem is that after our breakup my country passed a law banning "LGBT" now if you are gay or lesbian you can go to jail...for 12 years. I'm really scared to write this now a little bit...in case they find out. but now I want to go to the main problem.(I'm very anxious, I suffer from overthinking and bad thoughts) At some point after the ban and distance with the girl, I started to feel like I'm attracted to guys...(I never dated a guy and all my 3 ex were girls)it's like my body makes me love them. I'm just looking at an almost at every guy and get a very weird feeling in my belly..I thought, "Okay, if you're bi, it's okay, don't worry about it," but it got worse at some point, like I started reacting to any guy, or to their voice like it was supposed to make me I don't know into him. I pushed those thoughts away. I also want to add that my mother doesn't know about my orientation and I often hear "such a nice guy,tall,handsome,cute,sucker" and it makes me feel even worse>_< I realize that if I react to all guys this way it could be anxiety and fear of falling in love with a guy. Help me please. What could it be? How to treat it? i really need your opinion, maybe someone has faced this before!

my mom's behavior. I'm 18 and have been having severe panic attacks for the last year and a half. that's what my psychologist said. I don’t think so myself, because maybe it’s something else. The fact is that I have been living in this condition for a long time and my mother does not allow me treatment. the first year, when this effect had not yet taken hold and I went once to a psychologist with her cuz was underage. session hour. For the first 30 minutes she sat with me without allowing me to really say anything, then the doctor asked her to leave and she stood at the door as if she was eavesdropping...or was it just me? let's ignore this fact, I wasn't sure. After that, my mother said that the psychologist was useless and we would no longer attend therapy. that's it..what's next? Then there are a lot of reproaches and “pull yourself together, you can control this” “program yourself and everything will be fine” “just breathe deeply and everything will pass.” I lost my mind. These phrases began to cause aggression in me. I'll tell you honestly. When a person doesn’t understand your condition and says so, it infuriates me. Before all this, I was experiencing severe stress and wanted to kill myself, which my mother told the therapist about without my knowledge. She also says “look, this child has a disability, he is fighting for life, and you cut your wrists and want to kill yourself.”. (this especially irritates me) She also seems to be ashamed of me. Or she says that she’s tired of me and it’s all my fault, etc. Things got worse over time and I didn’t go into remission at all. and now I go to therapy once a week for panic attacks. And then, it was a necessary measure. By the way, now when I feel bad, my mother gets worried and has a hypertensive crisis, apparently due to stress, for which, of course, she blames me. It’s very difficult for me because I have no one else in my family, and even when I feel bad too and I’m in a panic, I help her, bring her water, etc. And when, during her hypertension, I sit down to check my pulse or blood pressure, I always hear “Everything is fine with you, stop measuring this crap, you’re stressing me out,” it’s all gotten to the point where I get very upset and blame myself for it. Also, many doctors said that I should visit a psychiatrist, but I live in a country where all this is recorded, and even one visit to a psychiatrist could end with me not going to university, not being able to work at a good job, being the scum of society and not I can drive a car..like this. I'm completely confused and don't understand what to do☹️ in a year I will have the opportunity to move in with a girl and leave her. and while I don’t have the opportunity to do this and I’m under the care of my mother, so to speak, then I would really like to get advice on how to learn to perceive it differently or how to ignore it..